AITA for telling my parents we won’t be around for Christmas Eve and Christmas?

A Redditor (28M) and his wife (26F) are navigating holiday tensions with his family after past conflicts, including a yelling match that ruined Christmas the previous year. To balance time between families, they planned to visit his family from December 20-23, spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as a couple, and visit her family afterward.

However, his mother feels slighted, particularly after booking accommodations that imply they should stay through Christmas Eve. Now, he’s standing firm on their plans but wonders if he’s in the wrong. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘AITA for telling my parents we won’t be around for Christmas Eve and Christmas?’

Experts in family dynamics and conflict resolution emphasize that establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is essential for emotional well‑being. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, explains, “When recurring family conflict has marred past holidays, setting clear and respectful boundaries for one’s own well‑being is not only justified, it’s necessary. Each family member must understand that personal time, especially for a couple’s private celebration, is vital to maintaining long‑term relationships.”

In this situation, the couple’s decision to reserve Christmas Eve and Day exclusively for themselves is a measured attempt to protect their relationship from further harm. While it may sting the feelings of those who expect unconditional participation in family events, experts argue that this boundary-setting is a healthy response to chronic family tension. The mother’s unilateral action in booking accommodations without discussing it is seen as an overreach that forces her expectations on others, rather than fostering a cooperative family environment.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit users are split on the issue. Many argue that if past holiday gatherings have consistently led to conflict, the couple’s decision to protect their private time is entirely reasonable. One commenter wrote, “After a history of yelling matches and hurt feelings, having a separate celebration is a form of self-care.”

Others, however, believe that family should make compromises during the holidays and that the couple’s rigid plan might further alienate them. Still, a common sentiment is that if your boundaries have been repeatedly disrespected, it’s okay to stick to your plan—even if it upsets some family members.