AITA for telling my parents to think about whether they want to stay with me after my mom gave me the silent treatment?
The OP, a 31-year-old living far from her parents, recounts a clash with her controlling mother during a recent visit. When a minor inconvenience triggered her mother’s silent treatment and overbearing behavior, the OP firmly questioned whether her parents should continue staying with her. This incident underscores the struggle between traditional, intrusive family dynamics and the need for personal boundaries and independence.
‘AITA for telling my parents to think about whether they want to stay with me after my mom gave me the silent treatment?’
Bringing family into your home can be a delicate dance of boundaries and expectations, especially when cultural traditions come into play. On one hand, OP’s mother likely sees her actions—rearranging the kitchen, planning every meal—as acts of love. However, to OP, these gestures feel more like an erasure of her independence, a regression into childhood where she has no say over her own life.
From a psychological standpoint, this is a textbook case of a controlling parent who struggles to acknowledge their adult child as a fully autonomous being. According to clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, “Parents who are used to being in control often have difficulty respecting their children’s independence, especially in cultures that emphasize familial duty.”
This dynamic is exacerbated when one parent, like OP’s father, plays the role of the enabler—minimizing conflict by pushing responsibility onto the child instead of addressing the problematic behavior. But let’s talk about the real villain here: the silent treatment. Experts widely agree that using silence as a punishment is a form of emotional manipulation.
According to a study published in Communication Research, silent treatment can cause psychological distress and erode relationships over time. When OP’s mother refused to speak or eat dinner, she wasn’t just expressing hurt—she was exercising control by forcing OP to either grovel for forgiveness or endure an unbearable household atmosphere.
At its core, OP’s response was a natural, healthy boundary-setting move. Instead of begging for resolution, she plainly stated that if her mother chose to maintain this cold war, it would make no sense for them to continue staying together. Was it blunt? Sure. But was it fair? Absolutely.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
A range of voices in the Reddit community strongly back the OP’s decision. Many commenters point out that setting boundaries is essential, especially when dealing with controlling behavior that oversteps personal space. One recurring theme is that if her parents can’t respect her autonomy, then perhaps they shouldn’t impose themselves on her life.
Several users advised that arranging alternative accommodations for her parents might actually lead to a healthier relationship in the long run. Others emphasized that the silent treatment and manipulation tactics are toxic and should not be tolerated. Overall, the consensus is that the OP’s stance is entirely justified—her insistence on being treated with respect and given her personal freedom is something every adult deserves, regardless of cultural expectations.
Ultimately, this story isn’t just about a single incident over a water outage—it’s about the broader struggle for independence and respect within the family unit. Our OP’s firm stance against her mother’s controlling behavior is a reminder that we all deserve to live in a space where our feelings are valued and our boundaries respected. While cultural expectations can sometimes make these situations more complex,
it’s important to ask: are we willing to sacrifice our peace for the sake of tradition? What would you do if your family continued to impose on your independence? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice in the comments below. Let’s start a conversation about healthy boundaries and the balance between family love and personal freedom.