AITA for telling my parents to forget it after they asked me to reconsider plans because of my sister again?

A 16-year-old boy is frustrated with his parents for repeatedly prioritizing his sister’s needs over his own. His sister (15F) has struggled with self-esteem issues and panic attacks since childhood, prompting their parents to make family decisions focused on her emotional well-being, often at his expense.

This has included canceling his birthday celebration and plans with friends. Despite his parents’ recent promises to do better, they asked him to cancel his Halloween party plans because his sister had another breakdown and wanted a family weekend instead.

Feeling betrayed and fed up, he told them to “forget it” and that he’s counting down the days until he can move out. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my parents to forget it after they asked me to reconsider plans because of my sister again?’

My parents have me (16m) and my sister (15f). When we were younger things were okay. But then when she was 7 she got bullied by a kid in her class. The b**lying didn’t last long but afterward she changed. She struggled with her self-esteem and she still feels bad about herself and hates herself and it made our parents really go into protective mode.

They let her choose where we got takeout for a month afterward and they cancelled what we had talked about for my birthday party and instead decided we all needed a family vacation instead but she got to pick the location even though we went for my birthday. I didn’t have fun. My parents knew I wouldn’t like it.

They told me she needed this and we needed to help pick her up. They told me I could spend time with friends another day and do something small with them. That never happened even though I asked.

She was still in a bad place after a few months and then my dad went no contact with his mom (grandmother) because she decided she was going to leave “all her grandkids” something but my sister, the only granddaughter, wasn’t included and she said some n**ty stuff about boys being more special to her, in front of my sister.

Which did a real fucked up thing to my sister. But it made my parents really go crazy on the “lets make sure sister gets put first always”. It was more of the same where she got to make decisions for us all. I didn’t get the chance to do it ever.

And the few times I would make plans with friends but my sister wanted me around my parents would ask me to put her first and cancel the plans. A couple of times I said no but my parents made me cancel anyway. It keeps getting worse too and still happens.

A few months ago I told them that stuff was pushing me away because I felt less important and less cared for by them. I also told them I felt like my sister got to make too many decisions for me. I told them I was so ready to just move away and get away from them and it hurt but it felt like my sister’s family instead of mine.

They said they were sorry, they told me they’d do better, they’d get my sister a better therapist to help her so we could all move on. I had plans to go to a Halloween party with friends next week. My sister had plans with friends but after a panic attack they cancelled on her and mocked her about the panic attack.

She asked our parents if we could go away that same weekend and spend time as a family. So my parents asked me to cancel plans and go and they tried to apologize but I said forget it, to forget making it up to me because I don’t believe them and I’m done.

I’ll do what they want and I’ll s**k it up for two more years and I’ll walk away because I’m so done. I wouldn’t hear my parents out and they got frustrated with me.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Comfortable-Sea-2454 −  NTA. I had plans to go to a Halloween party with friends next week. My sister had plans with friends but after a panic attack they cancelled on her and mocked her about the panic attack. She asked our parents if we could go away that same weekend and spend time as a family.

So my parents asked me to cancel plans and go and they tried to apologize but I said forget it, to forget making it up to me because I don’t believe them and I’m done. I’ll do what they want and I’ll s**k it up for two more years and I’ll walk away because I’m so done. I wouldn’t hear my parents out and they got frustrated with me.

Your parents are failing BOTH you and your sister. In 2 years you will be gone and they will be trying to figure out why OP never calls and never comes home.

hubertburnette −  I am so sorry you’re in this situation. Your sister’s issues have to do with her s**tty friends. No amount of spoiling on the part of your parents is going to make up for her s**tty friends. I hope she’s getting some kind of treatment? If not, they’re failing her. They’re definitely failing you. NTA

Charis_Saskia − NTA. Your feelings are valid, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated. It’s important for your parents to recognize your needs too. They should work on balancing things better

Special_Respond7372 −  NTA. I would go NC if I were you too. I’m a parent, so I understand that the decisions can be hard, but they’ve failed you with their decisions. Their decisions have made it clear that you are less of a priority to them.

They have sacrificed you and your happiness in lieu of your sister. They have done nothing to try to repair the situation, and they won’t truly understand the repercussions until you’re gone and unavailable to them.

BeeInfamous2128 −  NTA – your parents are neglecting both of your needs. letting your sister decide everything that happens isn’t going to help her because it could make her feel worse when she faces r**ection and/or negativity in the future. as for you, you are feeling unincluded in your own family, and that is not okay.

considering you spoke to them about it before, you saying ‘forget it’ is fair enough. i’d say it would be good to try and talk with them again, that’s if you’ve only spoken to them once about it before. if you’ve tried multiple times, if it were me i’d just forget it overall. remember you’re your own person and can live your own life, so where possible, do what you want

oaksandpines1776 −  NTA. Ask your parents why your sister matters so much more than you. Why is your mental health and happiness not important? Your sister has turned into a b**ly herself. A b**ly to YOU! She knows you have stuff planned but convenient that her plans always coincide with yours, so yours get canceled.

Why can’t trip be planned for before Halloween? There are still several weeks away. Also, stop supporting your sister and enabling her yourself.

Ok-Syllabub-1292 −  Hi op, i hate to point this out, but it sounds like in wanting to protect your sister from potential bullies, your parents have become *your* bullies –pushing/forcing you into situations you don’t want to experience. 

meanwhile your sister can not learn to to build the resilience needed to overcome her own challenges, and keeps “hiding” in “going away from her issues and turtling with her family”. You are nta for wanting time and space from this.  

squirrelsareevil2479 −  NTA. Your parents are creating an absolute mess for your sister. She’s being told that emotionally manipulating people is an easy way to get what she wants. She has been given the power to control the family and she is taking advantage of it.

It really stands out that her melt downs are at times when you are doing something without her and she takes it away from you. Your parents are going to horrified when you walk away in two years and they are no longer able to placate her by sacrificing what you want.

My suggestion for you is to offer your parents family counselling to try to make it clear to them that they will destroy your sister by constantly trying to make her life easy. I wish you all the best and the two years will go by quickly. Please update.

Firm-Molasses-4913 −  So is it still up in the air whether you’re going to Halloween or not? I know your first response was ok fine forget it but does that mean you’re going to the family getaway?  If no firm plans have been made I suggest you take a big breath, try to stay calm and tell your parents you want to attend your Halloween event.

Let them talk for a few minutes and explain themselves and then repeat that, in spite of their reasons, you don’t want to do a family getaway and want to stay for Halloween. Try to stay calm, rinse and repeat. Instead of agreeing to go, in anger, calmly say it’s important to you.

My thinking is that they may be shocked by your reaction and have had a chance to think it over. They may just decide to stay. It’s not too late for them to turn this around but they have to start respecting you as much as your sister

Is the teenager right for feeling hurt and overwhelmed, or should he have shown more understanding given his sister’s struggles? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts in the comments!