AITA for telling my parents to forget it after they asked me to reconsider plans because of my sister again?
Family expectations can be incredibly challenging to navigate, especially when you feel constantly pushed aside by decisions made for the sake of someone else. I (16M) have grown up with my parents and my younger sister (15F), and while things were relatively okay when we were little, everything changed when my sister was bullied at age 7.
That experience deeply affected her self-esteem and led our parents to become overly protective of her. Over the years, they have repeatedly rearranged plans—canceling my birthday party for family vacations or calling off plans with friends—in order to prioritize my sister. This constant favoritism has left me feeling increasingly unimportant and pushed away from the life I want to live.
When my sister recently canceled on her own plans after a panic attack, our parents begged me to cancel my plans, promising to “make it up” to me. I finally reached my breaking point and told them to forget it. Am I the asshole for standing up and refusing to let my parents always put my sister first?
‘ AITA for telling my parents to forget it after they asked me to reconsider plans because of my sister again?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “When a child consistently feels that their personal needs are being sidelined in favor of another, it can lead to deep-seated feelings of resentment and a desire to reclaim one’s individuality. In cases like this, the child’s reaction—especially when expressed during adolescence—can be seen as an attempt to assert independence and push back against long-standing family patterns.”
She continues, “It’s important for parents to strike a balance between caring for each child’s unique needs and ensuring that no one feels perpetually neglected. Open and honest communication, possibly facilitated by family counseling, can help address these issues before they escalate.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Family conflicts over favoritism and decision-making often stem from unspoken expectations. If one child’s voice is consistently drowned out, it’s understandable that they might reach a breaking point. However, while an outburst might be a natural response to feeling undervalued, it’s essential to follow up with constructive dialogue to prevent lasting damage to family relationships.”
Both experts agree that while your reaction is understandable given the long history of feeling unappreciated, a balanced approach—one that combines firm boundaries with clear communication—could ultimately lead to healthier family dynamics.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Several redditors expressed strong support for your reaction, with one user commenting, “If you’ve been forced to cancel plans time and again because your sister is always put first, you’re not the asshole for finally saying enough is enough. It’s time your voice was heard.”
Another redditor noted, “I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s exhausting when your own family keeps rearranging their lives around someone else’s issues. Your frustration is completely valid.”
Ultimately, your decision to tell your parents to “forget it” reflects years of feeling overshadowed by your sister’s needs. Your frustration with constantly being forced to cancel your plans is completely understandable, even if your delivery was blunt. This situation raises an important question: How do we balance parental attention and support so that every child feels valued, especially in a family with competing needs?
What would you do if you were in a similar situation where your own plans and aspirations were consistently pushed aside? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others find a healthier balance in complex family dynamics.