AITA for telling my parents they’re selfish for asking me to take care of my siblings instead of focusing on college?
A 19-year-old woman (19F) is the eldest of four siblings and has always helped her parents with childcare and household duties. However, since starting college, she feels overwhelmed by her parents’ continued reliance on her, especially when they ask her to skip school to take care of her siblings.
When they demanded she stay home to babysit during a busy project week, she refused and told her parents they were being selfish for expecting her to prioritize family obligations over her education. Her parents were hurt by her response, and now the atmosphere at home is tense. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my parents they’re selfish for asking me to take care of my siblings instead of focusing on college ?’
I (19F) am the eldest of four siblings. My parents have always relied on me to help with my younger siblings (ages 10, 7, and 5), especially since both of them work full-time jobs. Growing up, I didn’t mind helping out—I love my siblings—but now I feel like it’s becoming too much.
I just started college a few months ago and was really excited about focusing on my studies and building my future. However, my parents keep expecting me to babysit, cook, and even help with school pick-ups and drop-offs when they’re busy.
I live at home to save money, but I feel like I’m being treated more like a second parent than a daughter. Last week, I had a huge project due, and my parents asked me to stay home from school to watch my siblings because their sitter canceled last minute.
I refused, saying I couldn’t miss class, and they got upset, saying I was being ungrateful and selfish. They argued that they’ve done so much for me, and this is how I repay them. I finally snapped and told them it’s selfish to expect me to put my life on hold for responsibilities that aren’t mine.
I said I didn’t have kids; they did, and they should be the ones figuring out how to handle it, not me. They looked hurt and said I was being disrespectful and that family is supposed to help each other. Since then, the atmosphere at home has been tense.
My parents are barely speaking to me, and I feel guilty, but at the same time, I don’t think I’m wrong for wanting to prioritize my education and independence.
AITA for telling my parents they’re selfish, or am I being too harsh and ungrateful?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
ReputationCivil7103 − They’re parentifying you so no you’re not
Mother_Search3350 − You don’t have children. . You have siblings .You don’t have to put your life on hold. You definitely don’t skip school because your parents don’t want to take care of their own children. . NTAH
Lisbei − NTA Also, it was your parents choice to have three more children after you – both of them work full-time? That is their choice and their problem.
You’ve been parentified and it’s not right. Forget about saving money, see if you can move somewhere else.
teresajs − NTA You parents aren’t helping their family (you) to succeed in college. You aren’t a third parent. You need to prioritize your studies and your parents need to figure out their own childcare issues. I highly recommend two things to help you set boundaries:
Get an on-campus job, something easy that will work around your class schedule, like working in the school cafeteria. This will give you resume experience, give you a good reason to be out of the house more, and give you a little independent income for spending money.
Do as much of your studying on campus as possible. That means that you get up in the morning, commute to school and spend your day in classes, studying in the library, working at your job, socializing in the student union, and then head home in the evening.
If you study at home, your parents just see you sitting in your room at your computer and think you’re available for whatever chore they assign you. Bring out of the home for most of the day helps create a boundary that you aren’t currently available. You could even go into the school or town library on the weekends to study if needed.
JTBlakeinNYC − NTA. Can you stay on campus?
AcanthocephalaOne285 − NTA You’re not in the wrong. You simply stuck up for yourself, and they didn’t like it. If they’re halfway decent/reasonable people, they’ll be feeling ashamed. You’ve given them years of free time, free babysitting already, and they do not get to emotionally manipulate you when you say no.
Do not sabotage starting your life. Do not sabotage your grades. That said. If they’re paying your tuition and not charging you rent, then continuing to help is a kindness you can choose to grant – they just don’t get to override your ability to succeed at college.
Remember, you’re actually paying per class as well. The whole year’s tuition can be broken down to an amount of classes. You missing classes means money lost.
Orsombre − Yes, family helps each other, so instead of parentifying OP, her parents should help her prioritizing her studies. Education is critical for her at this stage of her life. NTA, OP, and please tell your parents that you are family and need their help. Now.
FierceFemme77 − Another I’m either almost 18 or a freshman in college and have to take care of my siblings for my parents because *gasp* shocker, “family helps family” and “I’m selfish”.
lovescarats − NTA, you need to focus on school. You are a child not a maid.
FeministiskFatale − They wouldn’t expect this of a 19M, just saying. So many girls are expected to be a third parent to their siblings, it’s deeply unfair and you did the right thing. You’re starting your life now and don’t have the time to take care of 3 kids you’re not responsible for.
It’s understandable that the woman wants to focus on her education, but it’s also tough for parents to feel as though their child isn’t supporting them. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!