AITA for telling my parents they’re not safe to be around my sister’s kids?

A Reddit user shared a family conflict about protecting her sister’s kids, who have specific dietary challenges due to sensory issues and medical concerns.

When the user refused to let her parents host the children—fearing they wouldn’t respect the kids’ food needs—her parents took offense, insisting they know best. The user is now questioning whether she was too harsh in her stance. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my parents they’re not safe to be around my sister’s kids?’

I (25f) have two older siblings. My brother Conor (34m) is married with four kids (8 and under) and my sister Amy (31f) has two kids aged 7 and 5. Amy’s oldest was diagnosed with ASD 3 years ago and has trouble eating. She hates most foods and won’t even try most things. She’s very strict with what she’ll eat.

This has been a source of stress and concern for Amy and her husband. Her youngest has no official diagnosis but is incredibly picky and also won’t eat lots of stuff. My parents are very big believers in “they won’t starve themselves” and “if you give them nothing else they will eat what’s on their plate”.

This doesn’t work for either of Amy’s kids. They WILL starve themselves and they won’t try something new most of the time. Or they won’t try something again if they didn’t like it on the first try. Amy’s oldest was hospitalized more than once for refusal to eat and the youngest was once.

Amy and her husband are working with feeding therapists for both kids and an OT for their oldest. My parents complain about the very bland, very lacking in vegetables and fruits diet that both kids have.

They have suggested getting the kids involved so they’ll eat it more willingly but I have been there when Amy and her husband involve the kids in meal prep. It doesn’t make them more willing to try it.

I babysit sometimes and I have Amy’s kids over some weekends for a break for Amy and her husband and so the kids can have some fun away from their parents and away from food stresses. My parents are annoyed that I have the kids but they never get a weekend with them.

Amy and her husband fear the kids being offered only food our parents deem appropriate and going the entire weekend eating nothing. My parents would do this too. They still believe it wasn’t tried enough.

My parents told me I should talk to Amy and convince her to let them have the kids some weekends. I said no. I told them they’re not safe to be around the kids when they would refuse them food they will eat. They told me they raised three kids and we’re all fine and how dare I accuse them of being like that.. AITA?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

funnykittysmokin −  You’re absolutely NTA. Your parents’ outdated approach to food might work for neurotypical kids, but it’s downright harmful for kids with sensory issues or feeding challenges. The fact that your sister’s child was hospitalized over this proves how serious it is.

You’re advocating for the kids’ well-being, and that’s exactly what a good aunt does. Maybe suggest they talk to the feeding therapists themselves if they’re open to learning—if not, you’re doing the right thing keeping them out of harm’s way.

Triangle_Millennial −  Chiming in just to say That level of “picky” eating has an actual diagnosis and name now- ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) and it has a huge overlap with ASD folks as well. Also NTA, parents are WAY out of line

Fibro-Mite −  I’m a grandma to two lovely little ones (6 and 3 years old). The oldest is a fussy eater & the youngest is lactose intolerant. And we are 100% guided by my daughter & her partner with what the kids can, can’t, will or won’t eat. Except for treats, of course.

Grandparents’ prerogative to have suitable treats available 😂 The kids figured out where the (dairy free) chocolate was by the time each was 2 years old. Your parents are TA here, you are NTA.

Common-Squirrel2676 −  Your parents just don’t understand neurodivergent children, to an extent that would put them in danger.. “I raised 3 kids and it was fine”. Yes but those kids are not these kids and different kids have different needs.

I was very much an “if I don’t like it I won’t eat it and if you force me I’ll scream” kind of neurodivergent kid. Luckily I did like some vegetables though.

lookingformiles −  NTA. All of this is fucked up on several levels but the bottom line is those kids aren’t safe in your parents’ care.

evilslothofdoom −  As someone with ASD and food issues thanks to you and your sister! How about offering to cook your parents dinner; there was a post recently about a sister who was a god awful cook,

she made turkey aspic and mash potatoes with craft glitter, use your imagination and create a meal for them so repugnant they won’t even try it. Explain that this is what their grandkids experience with food and anything they eat is a bonus.

bino0526 −  NTA. Until your parents understand the kids’ dietary needs, they are not safe to be around them unsupervised. Maybe if they went to the food therapy sessions, they may gain a better understanding of what’s happening with the kids. Also, they need to understand ASD.

No_Cockroach4248 −  NTA, your parents are a danger to the kids; they believe the two kids will eat when they are hungry, they refuse to believe the kids will starve themselves. The refusal to believe the kids will starve themselves is what makes them dangerous. They will not take the necessary steps to feed the two kids food that they will eat.

MurderClanMan −  As if the **ENTIRE** reason they want the kids isn’t to try and force-feed them shite they don’t like. NTA.

Melodic_Pattern175 −  Just as a reference point, I’m 62, but when approx. 52y ago it became clear that I had an aversion to cooked veg, my mum compromised by putting the raw veg separate, and so I came to love raw Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, long before crudités became mainstream.

No need to dip, I would happily try any raw veggie “straight.” I even ate raw swede (rutabaga). So for these parents, probably my age, to not be willing to compromise in any way just blows my mind.

Was the Redditor justified in protecting her sister’s kids from potential harm due to their grandparents’ outdated approach to feeding, or did she go too far in her accusations? How do you think situations like this should be handled when family members disagree on medical or parenting decisions? Share your thoughts and advice below!