AITA for telling my niece I wont to her birthday until she apologizes?

A Redditor shares a dilemma involving their niece’s upcoming birthday trip. After a long-term relationship with an ex, the Redditor finds out that their ex is still close with their family and is even invited on the trip, while their new boyfriend is not.

When the Redditor decided not to attend unless they received an apology from their niece, family members felt it was unfair to make it about past relationships. Read the full story below to weigh in.

‘ AITA for telling my niece I wont to her birthday until she apologizes?’

I dated my ex Steve for 8 years. We had a rocky start since he had gambling problems and I had my own issues but we got through it. My family loved him. I wanted to get married but Steve wasn’t into it.

At my sister’s wedding I got drunk and asked him why we weren’t married. “He told me he never wanted to get married and if I did I should leave him”. I was crushed and the next morning I moved out. We broke up..

Fast forward 4 months My 16-year-old niece Isabella planned a Disneyland trip for her birthday. My new boyfriend Alex joked about being her new uncle and Isabella said Steve was her real uncle. She even invited Steve to the trip I told my family if Steve goes I’m not going Isabella just rolled her eyes and said “Oh ok”.

My sister and mom said it’s her birthday and they want her to be happy. I found out Steve is still in a group chat with my family Isabella then said her mom is paying for the trip so if I don’t want to come that’s fine. She told Alex he wasn’t invited anyway. My dad says I have the right to skip it but my friends say I should just go for one day and I think I’m valid for how I’m feeling.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Stlhockeygrl −  Esh – Steve’s been in her life for over half of it. Of course she cares about him. It’s gross that your new boyfriend is pushing “new uncle” on her. She pushed back.

You need appropriate boundaries with everyone. Alex needs to know “too soon.” Isabella needs to be nice. You need to stop pretending that Steve just doesn’t exist.

litegasser −  I’m going to gently disagree. You made him part of your family over the period of time you dated him long enough such that year niece sees him as an uncle. Her relationship with him at this point appears to be independent of your nonexistent relationship with him. The two of you wanted different things.

You’re asking a teenager to change how she feels about someone who she has her own relationship with now because you saw it to end yours. I’m sorry the human condition doesn’t work like that. Maybe if he had abused, you were done wrong or something like that, but that doesn’t seem to be what you wrote. You’re kind of an a**hole, softly but still.

[Reddit User] −  Treading into major YTA territory. You need to stop and think about some things here. Your family made their own connections with your ex. They have their own thoughts and feelings on everything, too.

This might be hard to listen to, but sometimes the family we choose can be closer than blood ties. Just because he is your ex doesn’t mean he isn’t considered part of the family still by the rest.

Your niece is also aloud to have her say on who can attend her party or not. No one can force someone to invite/like people or accept them. Yes, your feelings are also valid, but so are your families.

toredditornotwwyd −  YTA. Why would she want a rando dude whos been ur bf for less than 4 months on the trip? She’s known Steve for 8 years, at this point they have a relationship independent of you.

I’ve been with my husband 8 years, if we divorced he would still be uncle to our nieces & nephews & I would have to deal with that, and same when it comes to his family.

embopbopbopdoowop −  Edit based on comment reply below: Steve contributed financially to enable the holiday. It is not at all surprising that he’s still invited and OP should have stated that in the post. YTA for wanting an apology. If you don’t want to go, don’t go.

My original comment for transparency:. N T A.I don’t necessarily blame Isabella, but the rest of the family expecting you to just get over him being invited? They s**k. And Steve sucks most of all if he plans to attend knowing it would mean your exclusion.

jcgreen_72 −  Why do you hate punctuation? 

ColeDelRio −  Esh. You s**k for wanting to bring a boyfriend that you’ve known for less than four months without approving it with anybody. Your new boyfriend sucks for making the new uncle joke.

Your niece sucks for inviting the ex and not telling you privately. Your mom sucks for insulting you for being in a relationship with your ex for so long.

And naturally, everybody sucks for being in a group chat with him and not even telling you? That makes it clear they knew you’d be upset and just decided to do it anyway??

bobtheorangecat −  YTA. It’s called punctuation.

issy_haatin −  Well he was in her life for 8 years. If you’re already pushing your rebound fling for uncle after 1-4 months your the weird one.. So yeah YTA for not realising that

RilkeanHearth −  YTA. Just skip it, it’s valid if you wouldn’t wanna go and might just sour the whole trip due to the dynamics.
It’s your niece’s bday and she’ll enjoy it more with folks she wants to be surrounded with.

Should the Redditor let go of these feelings for the sake of family unity, or is it fair to expect some acknowledgment from her niece? What would you do in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!