AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back?
A Redditor shares their frustration after discovering that the football tickets they gifted to their nephew, Joe, for his birthday were sold by his parents to cover medical expenses for his sister, Kay. Joe had no idea about the gift, and when the Redditor told him, it clearly hurt his feelings.
Now, the Redditor is being blamed for making the situation worse by revealing the truth. Was the Redditor right to be honest with Joe, or should they have kept quiet to avoid upsetting him? Read the full story below to decide.
‘ AITA for telling my nephew that his birthday present was sold behind his back?’
I’m angry but would like perspective. Throwaway because family uses Reddit. I am unmarried and do not have children so I don’t understand this situation from a parent’s standpoint. I have a niece, Kay 21, and a nephew, Joe 16.
My sister and her husband have spent the last few years (since the pandemic started) trying to get Kay sorted. By that I mean she has a lot of unexplained ailments. They’ve been seeing specialists, chiropractors, acupuncture, etc.
To this day I’m still not entirely sure what is wrong. Kay posts on social media a lot about feeling fatigued, having migraines, weakness, and other symptoms along with her various appointments.
Personally I worry this is being driven by attention because it has become her entire personality. I try to help Kay when I can (I’ve taken her to a few appointments because she doesn’t drive) but I’ve tried to be present mostly for Joe who is overshadowed by all of this.
Joe is a very simple young man and doesn’t ask for much but I can tell he wants some attention. He makes this known by pushing himself in sports, getting the best grades, getting a job, and trying to be as independent as possible.
He’s 16 but acts 20. It kind of sucks to watch. For his birthday I bought two tickets to a football game and transferred them to my sister so that she or her husband could take him. I told them that if they absolutely couldn’t then I would but they accepted the tickets.
Fast forward a couple weeks later and I see a post from my sister selling two football game tickets and they were very quickly bought. I confronted her and said those tickets were for Joe. Her response was they needed help covering new allergy testing for Kay and that’s what the money would be used for.
I took Joe to lunch yesterday and asked him how he is really doing. He was honest and said he doesn’t feel like an equal member of his family and I told him I see it too. I asked him why he agreed to sell his birthday tickets and learned he never did and never even knew anything about them.
I told him the sequence of events. He was quiet for a bit and then sighed and accepted it. To my surprise he must have said something to his parents because they called me for a conversation, accusing me of being an AH and saying I hurt Joe’s feelings and that he was better off not knowing.
I disagree wholeheartedly but am open to other perspectives. AITA? And yes I am trying to buy new tickets for Joe.. UPDATE:
I’ll try to respond to people as I can. I spoke with Joe individually today. I’m not surprised, but he said he confronted them because he wanted them to give me the money back. As usual the kid is thinking of others.
While I don’t want to be accused of trying to turn him against his parents, I do want to follow his lead in regards to him potentially staying with me. That said, I am going to make more of an effort to spend more time with him.
As far as Kay is concerned. I know her health issues are very real and I want more than nothing for her to feel well. However, she has been behaving manipulatively towards her parents, grandparents, myself, and Joe for a while now.
Again, I worry that how she is dealing with her ailments is unhealthy for her and the family. We all support her and do what we can to support her and help her to be well.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
teresajs − NTA. Please take Joe to a game. And if you are able to do so, please put money on his lunch account, buy him some clothes (nothing so expensive or flashy that his Mom or Stepdad would take them), sponsor Joe for a bank account of his own, and prepare to help him once he’s 18.
He_Who_Is_Person − NTA. And now you know that if you want to do something nice for Joe, you have to do it in a way that the parents won’t be able to block (ie, taking him yourself).
But…. you know… it may not be that Kay is attention whoring. Her misery may be her whole personality because the condition of unknown etiology is making her miserable all the time.
Aggressive-Mind-2085 − NTA. **THEY STOLE from their kid. IT was GOOD to out them to him.**. Have you considered helping your nephew move out and escape his a**sive parents? Any chance of that? He is 16. – If they refuse, tell them there will be a police report about the tickets.
cheekmo_52 − NTA. You gave your nephew a gift. It was reasonable to expect he was made aware of that. His parents not only withheld the gift from him, but sold it without telling him. He should be hurt. You should be angry.
And his parents should f**k right on off. They may be trying to do what’s right for their daughter, but it isn’t right that it should come at their son’s expense. They are the assholes in this dispute.
sunset-tx-armadillo − NTA – Another story of parents who forget the child who is NOT sick, is addicted to drugs or simply not a “problem child”. It’s sad!
Your sister and her husband can try to justify their pathetic reasons for selling the tickets you gave them for your nephew all they want, but they are wrong. Your nephew may have accepted and over compensated for the lack of attention from his parents, but he is still just a 16 year old kid who should not have to act 20.
Your sister & her husband will one day realize they no longer have a son when he turns 18 and moves out. Please continue to be part of Joe’s life and support him as best you can-he needs someone like you on his side.
He sounds like a great kid! You also learned all future gifts to Joe are now given directly to him, not your untrustworthy and crazy sister. Good luck to Joe-he deserves better than your sister as a mother.
aeroeagleAC − NTA, also take this as a lesson to not give any gifts to their parent, but rather directly to joe.
sherlocked27 − NTA. You should have taken him. Hindsight is 20-20.
Garamon7 − NTA. Joe needs to know because it may happen again, in a much more crucial situation. Does he have a college fund? You mentioned he’s working – do his parents have an access to his account, since he is a minor?
[Reddit User] − NTA. Parents are though. I think you see clearly what is going on. Keep being there for Joe. He needs someone in his corner.
Ok-Classic8323 − NTA. Sports tickets are not cheap. They stole the tickets and sold them. Sadly this is yet another young person who will see a sibling getting special treatment and resent it for life. I Understand his sister has issues but that is no excuse to treat him like he does not exist and sell his birthday present.
Was the Redditor right to tell Joe about the sold tickets, or should they have left the matter alone to avoid causing him more pain? How would you handle a situation where a family member’s needs consistently overshadow another? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!