AITA for telling my neglectful father's wife I don't care if her unborn kid's my father's I don't owe her a thing?

Family obligations can be complicated, especially when a relationship has been shaped by neglect, abandonment, and trauma. Does shared DNA create a responsibility, or do past experiences justify cutting ties completely?

That’s the dilemma OP (Original Poster) faced when his father’s wife reached out, claiming to be pregnant with OP’s sibling. Despite OP’s history of neglect, removal by CPS, and estrangement from both his father and stepmother, she demanded that OP move in, help financially, and support her during pregnancy.

OP refused, blocked her, and was met with continued harassment, accused of being heartless and failing to “be a better man” than his father. But is OP really in the wrong for refusing to help?

‘AITA for telling my neglectful father’s wife I don’t care if her unborn kid’s my father’s I don’t owe her a thing?’

Expert Analysis:

Estranged family members often reappear when they need something, but does shared blood automatically create an obligation? Experts weigh in on the psychological and ethical considerations of OP’s decision.

The Psychological Toll of Childhood Neglect

Dr. Laura Hendricks, a clinical psychologist specializing in childhood trauma, explains, “Children who experience severe neglect or abandonment often develop a deep-seated need to protect themselves from further emotional harm. When a past abuser or neglectful figure reappears, demanding support, it can trigger anxiety, resentment, and emotional distress.”

In OP’s case, the father and stepmother failed to provide basic care, resulting in CPS intervention. Expecting OP to step in now is not only unreasonable but disregards the past harm they endured.

Does a Sibling Bond Automatically Create a Duty?

Ethicist Dr. Mark Davis notes, “While siblings often have a natural bond, it is not an automatic duty. If the relationship has never been nurtured and the request for help is transactional, the individual has no moral obligation to engage.”

Since OP never had a real sibling relationship with this unborn child and does not even believe their father is the biological parent, the expectation of responsibility is unfounded.

Handling Family Harassment and Emotional Manipulation

Family members who feel entitled to help often resort to guilt, as OP’s stepmother did. Therapist Dr. Michelle Carter states, “When people try to manipulate others into responsibilities they don’t owe, the best approach is to establish firm boundaries. Blocking, ignoring, and in extreme cases, legal action for harassment may be necessary.”

OP’s stepmother’s persistent messages and fake accounts to bypass blocking show a disregard for boundaries, making OP’s reaction entirely reasonable.

Solutions and Lessons Learned

You Are Not Obligated to Fix Family Mistakes – OP’s father made his choices; OP does not need to step in to repair them.
Block and Establish Clear Boundaries – If harassment continues, a restraining order may be an option.
Seek Emotional Support – Dealing with estranged family reappearing can be triggering. Therapy or support groups can help reinforce personal choices.
Consider Legal Protection – If harassment escalates, documenting interactions and seeking legal advice could be necessary.