AITA For Telling My Mum I Won’t Be Giving My Son Her Last Name?

A Reddit user, 21 years old and expecting her first child, shares a difficult situation with her mother regarding her son’s surname. The user’s mother, who is emotionally and financially manipulative, pressured her to use her last name for the baby.

After the user refused, her mother threatened to withhold access to a substantial inheritance unless the last name request was met. The user wonders if she is in the wrong for prioritizing her own choices over her mother’s demands, despite the financial consequences for her child. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA For Telling My Mum I Won’t Be Giving My Son Her Last Name?’

Hi reddit, I’m a 21F who’s expecting my first child with my partner of almost 8 years (20M). Our son is due in less than 2 months. For this story to make sense, it requires some backstory. My father isn’t in the picture, so my immediate family is me, my mother and my twin. About 3 years ago my maternal grandmother died. I didn’t have a relationship with her and neither did my mum due to them always fighting.

My grandma was quite wealthy and when she passed away she left me and my twin half a million total in a trust that we couldn’t access until we were 25. She left my mother nothing. My mother got a lawyer and got money released early from that trust with the condition that me and my twin gave her half of our inheritance each. If we hadn’t agreed to give her anything, she would of gotten NOTHING.

Our mum then convinced us to put all the money into a trust of her own for our family exclusively for education and housing, saying it would build stability for future generations. I used this money to get a house that me and my partner currently live in.

Since my mum found out I was pregnant, she’s been very pushy that we use her last name (which is currently my last name). It’s a traditional Scottish name with a capital letter in the middle and a lot of use of the letters ‘M’ and ‘N’. I dont like this last name, its hard to pronounce from just reading. I also fully intend to take my partners last name in the future.

Three months ago I told her we wouldn’t be using her last name and would be using just my partners last name. This set her off, calling me petty and ungrateful. I apologised for upsetting her and asked if we could have a conversation about it so I could understand why it upset her. I expressed that I love her and I don’t want her to be upset. She refused, saying it was my child and I could do what I wanted. I assumed she had come to terms with it and moved on.

Fast forward to last week. I got a text from my mum saying the following: “By the way, I’ve made changes to the trust. [Her last name] needs to be your child’s surname if you want him to benefit from the trust. I haven’t worked this hard for the future to support a [partners last name]. Thats just the way it is. My last name or bust. I’d rather take the lot and spend it.”

This upset me. I asked her to give me some time and space to think about what she’s done. She then went off at me about how her hard work wouldn’t be wasted (even though she herself said it would be set up for future generations like my kids). She wouldn’t even have any money to b**ckmail me with if I hadn’t agreed to give her half of my inheritance after her own mother screwed her over.

I have gone no contact. But I’m starting to wonder if I’m the a**hole for not just using her name to keep her happy in order to make sure my son gets access to that money. I dont want him to miss out just because his grandmother is an entitled piece of work. So reddit, AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

LucifersLady666 −  NTA. You are the AH for giving her so much control over the money that didn’t belong to her. Your grandmother left it to you and your twin for a reason, which I believe you are starting to see now. Now she’s holding it over your head to get what she wants. You have the right to name your child whatever you and your partner wants. Sadly and unfortunately, you now have a situation that you helped create to figure out.

MajesticPin6411 −  Is your house in that trust? OP it might be worth contacting an inheritance lawyer and checking your rights here. Your mother manipulated you and your twin so her ass could exploit YOUR money. If someone gave my girls an inheritance my only response would be “thank you” . Not. How can I get my hands on this?

Unlucky-Clock5230 −  Your are not an a**hole, but you need to consult a lawyer; nobody here can advise you as to your legal rights and the trust document. Your mom on the other hand is a certifiable a**hole that is trying to use money to control people. If that’s the sort of relationship she wants to have it is not the sort of relationship worth having.

One option: If the lawyer you need to see tells you that she can do what she wants to do, you should pretend to play ball, heck even name the baby to her liking, and a week later go in and legally change the name to your liking. You’ll have a birth certificate with her name for show and tell, and the correct certificate to you and your partner’s wishes.

Even_Enthusiasm7223 −  Get a lawyer and a copy of the original will. Fight her on this.. Nta.

pommefille −  This is just the dumbest fake s**t out of all of the stupid fake s**t that’s posted here. You couldn’t enter a contract to dissolve a trust like that. Your mother as executor would have been eligible to take money from the trust to pay herself for managing the money, and an argument could be made for some fees for your care, but otherwise no, this is not how it works. I’m pretty sure she’d also have had plenty of time to let her opinions be known since you’ve dated your boyfriend since he was 12.

ArikariTV −  Please don’t let her win. That money was you and your twins. She stole that money and is now waving it in your face blackmailing you into choosing her own name. I am so sorry you had to go through this and I hope that baby lives a great life no matter what name is given :3

_Jazz_Chicken_ −  She stole half of your inheritance! NTA and you need to go no contact.

Baker_knitter1120 −  My math is not mathing. You’re 21, so you’ve been with your partner since you were 13 and 12? What does the law in your country says about use of last name because in my country, if a child is acknowledged by the father, his/her last name will always be the father’s. What country are you from?. Edit to correct spelling errors.

Disastrous-Zombie-30 −  Seems no one so far can Math. You were 12 years old when you started dating this guy? LOL. Bot.

Routine-Friend-7585 −  Nta. Get legal advice. She has no right to dictate a name.