AITA for telling my mom to spend money on a tutor for her favorite daughter because I won’t be helping my sister?

When tension runs high in a household, the smallest sparks can ignite explosive conflicts. For one Reddit user, her mother’s blatant favoritism toward her younger sister boiled over when she was asked to step in as a free tutor—despite years of feeling sidelined and undermined. Understandably, she refused, sparking outrage and insults that left an already strained family dynamic even more fractured.

What began as a simple question—“Can you help your sister with her homework?”—morphed into a battle over loyalty, past resentments, and even inheritance. Worn down by her mom and sister’s unrelenting blame games, our narrator decided it was time to set boundaries. But is holding firm to protect one’s own mental health automatically selfish, or simply an act of self-preservation in a toxic environment?

‘AITA for telling my mom to spend money on a tutor for her favorite daughter because I won’t be helping my sister?’

Before diving into the complex layers and expert insights, let’s take a look at the original Reddit post that sparked the debate:

“Households fraught with favoritism often mirror deeper emotional fractures,” notes Dr. Patricia Papernow, a renowned psychologist specializing in blended and stratified family dynamics. When a parent openly favors one child, it can shape a family culture where basic needs—like respect and support—are selectively granted. The favored child may grow up lacking empathy for siblings, while the less favored child can develop long-term trust and self-esteem issues.

In this particular case, the older daughter is caught in a loop of isolation and disrespect. On top of that, she’s expected to assume a caretaker role by tutoring her sister, despite receiving no reciprocation or basic kindness. According to a revealing Psychology Today piece, young people in these family environments often suffer academically themselves, not because of a lack of ability, but because of the emotional toll conflict takes on mental focus.

It’s important to see the broader social implications. Siblings in such dysfunctional family systems frequently carry the emotional residue into adulthood, impacting their future relationships at work and in personal life. When trust is violated during formative years, it can be challenging to re-establish healthy boundaries later on. If the family dynamic remains unchanged, the older child may eventually “escape” by moving out, severing ties, and missing out on the possibility of reconciliation.

So, what can be done? Dr. Papernow suggests small but powerful steps, like seeking outside help from a family counselor—an option that can introduce healthier communication patterns. Another practical approach might be for the less favored child to focus on self-improvement, forging a support network outside the toxic environment.

Meanwhile, the parent has a responsibility to foster a safe, fair household. Hiring a tutor, for example, might relieve the burden on the older sibling and help the younger one catch up academically without magnifying tension at home. Even the smallest acts of fairness can spark a more respectful dynamic, one where both children feel valued.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Here are some direct, occasionally blunt takes from the Reddit community—both sharp-witted and earnest:

Some commenters advocate going to other family members for help or pursuing early emancipation; others call for calm, rational boundaries. Either way, the underlying consensus is clear: forced obligations in a toxic setting rarely lead to healing.

Families can be both our softest landing spot and our harshest battleground. When favoritism taints everyday life, finding a path to peace can feel impossible. Still, distancing yourself from toxic patterns—and demanding equity—is a powerful statement of self-worth. We’d love to know: How would you handle being cornered into a caretaker role by someone who’s shown you little compassion? Share your thoughts, stories, and insights below.