AITA for telling my mom that she was borderline a**sive?

A Reddit user feels torn after stepping in to defend their sister from their mother’s persistent and uncomfortable behavior. The sister, who has recently undergone significant weight loss, repeatedly asked their mother to stop taking photos of her and showing old pictures.

When the mother ignored these requests, the Redditor intervened, calling the behavior “borderline abusive.” Now, the mother is upset, and the family is divided. Was the intervention too harsh, or did they have every right to call out the behavior?

‘ AITA for telling my mom that she was borderline a**sive?’

My sister (20) has been going through dramatic weight loss recently and we’re all so proud of her. She was extensively bullied as a kid and it has been hard for her to develop good self-esteem, and as such she hates taking photos or seeing photos of herself. I got home yesterday and my sister was trying on a new top and then my mom started taking pictures of her.

This has always bothered my sister and she immediately asked my mom to stop. She had to ask repeatedly and my mom would not stop (it was almost obsessive). I didn’t say anything but witnessed the whole thing. This has happened many times in my presence.

Then, today my sister was in the kitchen just talking about how excited she is to get new clothes and feel confident in them. My mom said she was proud of her and then started pulling up old photos of my sister when she weighed heavier. My sister did not want to see them, and again, asked repeatedly for her to stop.

She was practically begging her. I stepped in and told my mom that her behavior was “borderline a**sive” for making my sister so uncomfortable. It struck a serious nerve and now she’s demanding that I apologize. Was this too far for me to say? Everyone in the house seemed to think I was at-fault here for pushing her buttons, but I said in a very even tone but I might have stepped in where I shouldn’t have.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Ok_Homework_7621 −  NTA. It’s not borderline a**sive, it’s fully a**sive. Your mother is a b**ly.

Recent_Body_5784 −  Your mom‘s reaction to being called out just doubles down on the notion that she’s “borderline a**sive“ because this is how a**sive people act. They become majorly victimized when they’re called out and demand that people retract statements like that. A more intuitive person might be open to asking themselves that question. I’ve asked myself if I’m a**sive before after having arguments with my boyfriend, etc.

People don’t necessarily have to be narcissists or have mental problems to perform abuse against others. We should always be checking ourselves. Obviously what you said, probably has more truth to it than you realize or she wouldn’t have that reaction.

As she continues to demand an apology, I would simply say “in my opinion, not listening to somebody when they ask you to talk stop and verbally communicate that they’re uncomfortable, and continuing to perform the action that’s making them feel uncomfortable is a form of abuse. You may think whatever you like about yourself, but that’s my opinion about what that behavior amounts to. You can choose to be offended or not offended, but that’s my opinion and I don’t have to feel differently about it just because you disagree”. 

Dingbats_are_cute −  NTA thank goodness you were there to stick up for your sister!

-Liriel- −  So your mother’s “buttons” shouldn’t be pushed, but she can trample your sister’s all she wants? NTA and please point out the hypocrisy.

Euphoric-Weekend-423 −  NTA. Thank you for standing up to your mother. They don’t always hear it and it needs reinforcing when they are trampling boundaries.

PostmodernPriapism −  “Mother, I deeply apologize for calling this borderline a**sive. It is just abuse. I’m sorry that you’re such a pathetic excuse for a mother that your only joy is stealing your daughter’s happiness. Most of all. I’m sorry that you will die alone and estranged from your children because of this.”. NTA.

Fine-Assignment4342 −  NTA
The only thing I disagree about what you said was the word “Borderline” Remove that word and what you told your Mom was the truth.

Aggravating-Plum8147 −  NTA why should you apologize for telling the truth. If she doesn’t like being called a**sive, maybe she should try not being a**sive. She’s stomping all over your sister boundaries.

unimpressed_onlooker −  Everyone in the house seemed to think I was at-fault here for pushing her buttons. She kept pushing your sisters buttons after being directly told to stop repeatedly. Nta, good on you for sticking up for your sister and tell her a random stranger from the internet is proud of her weight loss

mycatsaflerken −  NTA. Maybe put on a short skit for your mother: Have your sister approach you and say, “I love you”. You thank her and say it back. She says it again. You say, “I know, I love you too”. Then she starts smacking you repeatedly. You tell her to stop. She says, “Oh, but remember, I love you”? And you say, “But you are hurting me. How can you love me if you keep doing something that you know is hurting me”? Then both of you turn to her and say, “Do you understand now, Mom”? If she says”How can you say this!?! This hurts my feelings”? Tell her, “Don’t make this about you”.