AITA for telling my mom she’s was an unwanted guest??

A Reddit user shares a recent vacation experience where he and his wife were hoping to relax at her family’s cabin, only to be surprised by an uninvited visit from his mom. While his wife had planned for a peaceful getaway with no obligations to entertain, his mom showed up, expecting family meals and hospitality.

After his mom complained about his wife’s lack of hosting, he firmly reminded her that she wasn’t invited and suggested she respect their boundaries next time. Did he handle this situation fairly? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my mom she’s was an unwanted guest? ?’

My wife has had a stressful time at work and was looking forward to a vacation at her grandparents cabin. She brought a few books she wanted to read and I brought my fishing rod. She had no plans to entertain. My dad stopped by to go fishing.

It was supposed to be just my dad stopping by for the day but somehow my mom inserted herself and I was shocked to see her. My wife had no plans to entertain her. I told my mom that. My mom bought stuff for lunch and dinner and tried to engage my wife into making dinner for us all and my wife said no.

She’s relaxing and reading. If my mom wanted to cook that’s my mom’s prerogative. My dad and I get back late and at the table my mom started to complain how she did this all herself. I looked at my wife who just took her plate and ate in her room.

My mom started to complain to me about it and I told my mom “she technically wasn’t invited and my wife had no expectations to entertain her in my wife’s cabin while my wife is on vacation” My mom started saying well she wouldn’t have came if she knew that.

I told my mom next time take the hint. If you aren’t invited don’t come. My parents left after dinner. My mom complained that my wife should have tried to be a gracious hostess and I said maybe my mom should try not being an unwanted guest.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

empathy10 −  Congrats to your wife for actually prioritizing her wants and not succumbing to the pressure to entertain and host.

gordiesgoodies −  Maaate. YTA. Your first paragraph tells you, YTA. Your wife has had a stressful time at work. The trip to the cabin is an escape for her – no finger lifting, no hosting. So what do you do? You invite your dad.

Knowing from past experience your mom will likely jump in because as you say, she does this All The Time. And then you leave the two of them to it because you and your dad r “gone fishin'”. Bet you two had a great time.

And then you come back to find your wife has been made to feel uncomfortable and restricted in her own family’s place. Again, knowing that your mom invites herself and behaves this way “all the time”.

Drama ensues. How restful for your wife. You blame your mom for all this, get a few digs in. Dude wipe the dirt and denial off that mirror, that’s You staring back at yourself. You’re to blame.

JJBrazman −  INFO: So you invited your dad, but not your mum? How did that conversation go down? Could your dad have reasonably gotten the impression they were both invited? Was your dad invited for dinner? Edit: NTA, but in future it’s on you to maintain boundaries with your mother.

giantbrownguy −  ESH. Once your mom showed up, you needed to make it clear to her that your wife wasn’t there to entertain her. By leaving your wife to deal with your mom you added to the awkwardness of the situation.

Your mom is a bigger a**hole for just showing up uninvited because your dad was there. But irrespective of that, you should have done more to preserve your wife’s peace before leaving with your dad. EDIT TO CLARIFY: I’m only judging OP and his mom. I don’t think wife or dad did anything to contribute to the judgement.

no_good_namez −  ESH except your wife. You invited your dad, he brought your mom, and you left your wife to deal with her. You should have brought your mom fishing or sent both parents home.

blueswan6 −  YTA I have a different take. You should have spoken to both of your parents and explained that this was just a fishing day and if your mom wanted to fish she was welcome to join you and your dad but that your wife was relaxing at the cabin so wouldn’t be entertaining her so it was best for your mom to either stay home or go fishing.

When she showed up uninvited you should have encouraged her to fish with you and then had a private conversation with your dad about how you were disappointed that he allowed this and that you would have to rethink future invitations.

Also, you shouldn’t have stayed out late fishing when you knew your mom was at the cabin. You should have cut the fishing time short instead of leaving your wife with your mom all day. YTA for making sure that your day wasn’t ruined, only your wife’s.

analyst19 −  NTA, next time don’t ask your dad to come either.

LiluLay −  NTA – Your mom was presumptuous, entitled, demanding and was told so. Mom needs to get over it and learn how to read the situation a little better. Better yet, she should apologize.

LouisV25 −  NTA. BRAVO Husband of the Year (and most certainly Reddit). It was rude of your MOM to come UNINVITED with EXPECTATIONS of your wife, without PRIOR discussion, and then COMPLAIN about your wife in HER house.

Good on you. People that break that many boundaries, unfortunately, have to be spoken to in that manner to truly get it.

Gringa-Loca26 −  ESH except your wife. The second your mother showed up you should’ve told them both that this wasn’t part of the plan and should’ve asked them to leave. Instead, you left your wife with your mother and spent the entire day gone.

You eventually did the right thing but it should’ve happened way sooner. You know your mother has a history of doing this and neither you nor your dad did anything to stop it.

If I had to guess, your dad is probably a “you know how she is” enabler and no one likes to rock the boat with her. Good on your wife that she sticks to her boundaries.

Was the Redditor right to stand up for his wife’s boundaries, or should they have been more accommodating? How would you manage an unexpected guest on a relaxing vacation? Share your thoughts below!