AITA for telling my mom she deserves to be homeless?
When financial betrayal strikes within a family, how should responsibility and consequences be handled? A 23-year-old woman faces a breaking point after discovering her mother squandered months of rent money on cigarettes, takeout, and gambling—jeopardizing their housing. Her harsh words, “You deserve to be homeless,” ignite a moral debate about accountability, empathy, and the limits of familial loyalty.
‘AITA for telling my mom she deserves to be homeless?’
Expert Opinions:
Financial Abuse and Parental Responsibility
Dr. April Benson, a psychologist specializing in financial trauma, explains in The Financial Therapy Association: “Parents who misuse their children’s financial contributions violate trust and exploit dependency. This is a form of financial abuse, especially when funds are diverted to non-essentials like gambling.” The mother’s actions, prioritizing vices over housing, align with this dynamic.
The Psychology of Gambling Addiction
Dr. Timothy Fong, co-director of UCLA’s Gambling Studies Program, notes: “Gambling addiction often involves irrational optimism—‘I’ll win it back’—that leads to catastrophic choices. The mother’s secrecy and denial reflect classic addictive behavior, but accountability remains critical to breaking the cycle.”
Family Dynamics in Financial Crises
A 2022 study in Family Process highlights that financial dishonesty erodes family cohesion. Dr. Sarah K. Ramsey, a family law expert, states: “When one member hides financial struggles, it forces others into crisis management. Transparency is key to collaborative problem-solving.” The writer’s anger stems from her mother’s refusal to communicate the shortfall earlier.
The Emotional Toll of Parental Betrayal
Dr. Sherry Campbell, author of But It’s Your Family…, writes: “Children who financially support parents often feel a duty to ‘rescue’ them. When that trust is broken, the emotional fallout—rage, guilt, helplessness—is profound. The writer’s outburst, while harsh, is a natural response to feeling exploited.”
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Most Redditors side with the writer, condemning the mother’s gambling and dishonesty as indefensible. Many argue that the mother’s choices – not the writer’s words – caused the crisis. Others express concern for the brother’s lack of contribution, while some criticize the writer for “abandoning” her family, though this is a minority view.
This AITA story forces a painful reckoning with the consequences of financial irresponsibility and broken trust. The writer’s blistering condemnation of her mother raises tough questions: Does struggling absolve a parent of accountability? Is harsh honesty justified when lives are at stake? Where would you draw the line between empathy and self-preservation? Share your perspective below.
Any struggles your mother and brother had are self-imposed. You are not responsible for them. Was it harsh to say what you said? Yes, it was harsh and likely unnecessary. They are going to grow up and find out soon enough how harsh life is when you’re irresponsible. You carried them long enough. Hope you find somewhere else to stay and quickly because if you somehow work yourself senseless to pay what she basically took from the household budget putting you all in jeopardy and you bail them out, they will expect you to do it again. It will happen again. Please get out now. She and your brother both made their bed and they have to lie in it. I would also suggest you pay your money directly to the landlord until you leave and give them notice that you are leaving in writing. Notice is required by law. Do so immediately by certified return receipt mail, signature required and by regular mail and keep that as proof of you notifying the landlord. Otherwise if you are on the lease you are on the hook for everything that is owed, even if you paid your share already, and anything that is due and owing until that lease is over. I sure hope it’s a month to month lease. And when they come after you all for the money, you will still be liable for it, even though you paid and since you likely are the only one with a job, they will get the money that all of you owe out of whatever paycheck is available, and they’ll make you pay again. It’s not so simple when a lease is involved. Go to legal services in your location and get some advice, because it’s not as simple as picking up and leaving when a lease is involved. It’s not just the irresponsible family members involved here, you have a landlord too and he is owed and will collect. But in any event, you must provide notice and get out. No more leeching off of you.