AITA for telling my mom she and her husband need to admit they fucked up and find a way to move on?

Growing up in a blended family isn’t always as smooth as some might hope. In this AITA post, an 18‑year‑old recounts how his mom and her new husband enforced a rigid set of rules—meant to create a “happy blended family”—that instead sowed division and resentment.

Now, as an adult, he refuses to play along with their forced family unit, arguing that they need to own up to their mistakes and find a way to move on. This post taps into the pain of having relationships forced rather than allowed to develop naturally, and it questions whether such mandates can ever lead to genuine connection.

‘AITA for telling my mom she and her husband need to admit they fucked up and find a way to move on?’

Family therapists consistently warn that trying to manufacture family unity through strict, artificial rules rarely achieves genuine bonding. In this case, the mother and her husband imposed a series of rigid rules—such as requiring daily expressions of love, forcing hugs before leaving the house, and mandating that children always ask permission only from the “new parent.”

While their stated goal was to create a happy blended family, these measures instead generated resentment and division. Experts emphasize that authentic relationships in blended families develop gradually and naturally, rather than through forced rituals that feel intrusive and controlling.

According to professionals, when children are pressured to perform mandated acts of affection, the behavior often becomes mechanical and insincere, leading to further emotional distance rather than closeness. Rather than unifying the family, such rules can exacerbate underlying tensions and cause children to withdraw, as seen in the OP’s experience.

Therapists advise that parents in blended families should first acknowledge the inherent challenges of merging different family dynamics, accepting that each child brings unique needs and personalities to the table. Instead of enforcing uniform behavior, a more effective approach is to encourage open, respectful dialogue that allows relationships to develop on their own terms.

Furthermore, family counseling can be invaluable in such situations. A skilled therapist can help both parents and children understand the impact of these rigid rules, address unresolved grievances from the past, and develop healthier communication strategies.

By admitting past mistakes and being willing to adapt their approach, parents can create a supportive environment that fosters natural and sincere connections among all family members. In the end, genuine family bonds are built on mutual respect and understanding, not on a set of inflexible, imposed expectations.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit community’s responses are overwhelmingly supportive of the OP’s stance. Commenters point out that forcing kids to adhere to arbitrary rules does nothing to build genuine connections and only intensifies feelings of alienation. Many remarked that having rules like “every day tell someone one thing you love about them” is over-the-top and inauthentic.

Users shared that their own experiences in similar households left lasting scars, and they praised the OP for standing up and refusing to participate in what they see as a forced and artificial attempt at blending family dynamics.

In the end, this post underscores a painful truth: genuine family bonds cannot be manufactured through coercion and set rules. The OP’s blunt call for his mom and her husband to admit their mistakes reflects the deep-seated impact of forced integration.

What do you think? Have you seen or experienced similar attempts at forcing a blended family to be “one” at any cost? Share your thoughts and personal stories—let’s discuss whether honesty about past missteps might be the first step toward real healing.