AITA for telling my mom I’m not attending Christmas next year.

A Redditor shares that, after having a child in December 2023, she told her mom she would not be attending Christmas at her house in 2025 due to a custody arrangement with the child’s father.

Her mom is upset and the family is causing tension, as they don’t understand her decision. The Redditor has always made it clear she would not combine holiday celebrations. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my mom I’m not attending Christmas next year. ?’

This will be my first Reddit post so bear with me. On December 21 2023 I had a child. At that time the child’s father was not in the picture. Now that he is and we have a custody agreement he gets the child every other Christmas including 2024. I get him for four hours on Christmas Day and plan on spending it with my parents and siblings.

When I told my parents I would not have him for Christmas this year my mom sent a long paragraph in the family group chat with dates for other family holidays (her side of the family and my dads side of the family). At the end of the text she stated that Christmas for 2025 at her house will be on December 21.

I told her me and my kid will not attend next Christmas. Ever since I got pregnant and got my due date I always told everyone I would not be joining the dates together. My mom is upset with me that I will not attend Christmas and said that I could just celebrate his birthday the following day.

Now my entire family is mad at me for not allowing my son to go(he will be two then). My brother also has a December birthday as well as my mom so I thought they would understand but it’s cause tension within my family. I just want to know if I’m in the right for not attending Christmas next year.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

missdeb99912 −  NAH. But, communicate with your mom. “Hey mom, love that you’re trying to coordinate Christmas for everyone to be together. However, December 21 is my baby’s birthday, and I want to plan something then for their birthday. Can we look at other dates?” Not a big deal. Just talk to her.

SomeoneYouDontKnow70 −  NTA. She knows when your kid’s birthday is. She should be planning around it.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. Your child won’t know or care about this birthday, but it sets a good precedent that Dec 21 is reserved for your child’s birthday and will *not* be subsumed by Christmas.

gloryhokinetic −  NTA. Your mm is b**lying you. Tell her is she keeps it up you will move to another state. And since she told the whole family and turning them against you she will not being seeing you or the child for 3 months.

If after that time she apologizes and promises to never do it again you will. But if she again, complains about you and the whole family bombards you with complaints it will e a year before she lays eyes on you and your child. And after that year she has not changed you will make it permanent.

DancinGirlNJ −  NTA. Only speaking from similar family circumstances…my brother’s birthday was 12/18. My parents always made sure to celebrate his birthday separately from Christmas.

My parents always hosted family holidays so that meant the family was over for his birthday celebration and then a few days later for Christmas Eve and Christmas. Different parents feel differently about their children’s birthdays. If you want to keep December 21st as a birthday celebration for your son then do it!

[Reddit User] −  Your kid doesn’t know what day is their birthday. You also won’t be missed if you decide not to attend.

9smalltowngirl −  NTA celebrate his birthday on his birthday. My birthday is in December near Christmas. I got to pick one present from under the tree. I did get a cake. I’d send back in the same group text, sorry I and son won’t be attending.

That is his birthday and we will be celebrating his birthday that day since it is his birthday. Before anyone suggest we do it another day NO. We will always celebrate on his birthday.

ApprehensiveBook4214 −  NTA for your question, but I feel bad for your son as he grows up.  It seems like the parent who doesn’t get that holiday still has 4 hours with him.

I’ve not heard of this type of arrangement before and can only imagine how disruptive it will be to your son as he gets older and may want to make his own plans for the holidays.  “Gee Billy I’d love to spend a couple hours Xing but I gotta go to Parent’s for 4 hours and then Other Parent has planned Y.”

Do you think the Redditor is in the right for setting boundaries with her family regarding Christmas celebrations, or should she have compromised for the sake of family unity? How would you handle a situation where family traditions conflict with your own priorities? Share your thoughts below!