AITA for telling my mom and biological father I will always pick my dad over my bio father because my dad’s my real dad?
A Reddit user shares the emotional turmoil of being caught between his loving dad and his biological father, Vince, after his mom’s affair came to light. Despite attempts by his mom and Vince to establish a bond, the user remains loyal to the dad who raised him.
A recent confrontation arose when he refused a fishing trip with Vince, leading to accusations of favoritism. He stood firm, stating that his dad is his “real dad” and that he would always choose him. Was he too harsh, or is he justified in his loyalty? Read the full story below.
‘ AITA for telling my mom and biological father I will always pick my dad over my bio father because my dad’s my real dad?’
When I (17M) was 7 and my siblings were 9 and 10 we found out our mom was cheating on our dad. She wanted to leave dad and told him none of us were his kids. She told us too. She said the guy she was leaving to be with was our “real dad” and we should all be a family.
Dad said we were his kids and we’d do DNA but it didn’t change how he felt about us. My siblings got lucky and dad was their bio dad. But the other guy was mine, which really fucked me up because I hated knowing I was connected to this random dude and mom got what she wanted by having at least one of us be this guys kid.
I know she’d have preferred all of us but even just me seemed to make her SO happy. Dad was on my birth certificate and fought to have 50-50 custody of me like he had of my siblings. I think my siblings being his worked in our favor with the judge deciding on this “unusual custody battle” and dad sharing custody of all three of us.
My mom and “Vince” (what I’ll call bio) fought the decision and they got a guardian ad-litem involved and someone from CPS or something. The decision was the same. It was agreed the best outcome for me by the new people involved.
Mom and Vince did everything to try and win me over to Vince and they tried with my siblings too but mostly me since Vince didn’t really care about my siblings since they weren’t his bio kids. None of us wanted to be with them but we had no choice.
We didn’t make it pleasant for them and I never tried to accept Vince as my dad. That was something I was told by mom I should do but I always replied I have a dad and Vince would never be him. I never choose Vince over my dad even though Vince has tried very hard to create an “our thing” with me.
But I was clear I was not giving him a chance. It’s a fight that never ended. I tried to use that a year ago to get a judge to agree to let me stay with dad but he ruled I have to go until I’m 18 or dad can face fines/losing custody.
I might stop going a month before I turn 18 since they won’t make it before a judge before then but I also might keep going for dad’s sake, because I don’t want him punished for this, more than he already was with his wife cheating and finding out one of his kids wasn’t his biologically.
Mom and Vince brought it up again last week. Vince had wanted me to go on this fishing weekend with him and I didn’t go. He got upset and mom was upset for him. They said I’d go for dad and I said yeah. Then they said I pick dad over Vince. I said yes.
They complained and I said I always will because he’s my real dad, not Vince. I said Vince will never be my dad. I told them they can’t change how I feel. I said they blew up my life when they made me biologically not my dads and I would never forgive.
I also said I’m not a toy Vince can take out once he wants to. They tried to lecture me about it but I walked away from them and I kept walking away from them when they were saying how s**tty I’m being.. AITA?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
DuePromotion287 − NTA. You are handling this appropriately and very maturely. In no ways are you TAH.
icarus928 − you’re NTA, but your mom definitely is
ameasuredresponse − NTA. Your mother is a horrible person. You don’t need to take anything she says to heart. She has done everything selfishly and doesn’t care about you or your siblings.
That Vince guy isn’t much better. You are doing the right thing following what you want to do. Your mom has no room to complain since she has been doing the same.
greutli − NTA. Sometimes DNA means nothing – in some cases dad is the one who raised you, not the sperm donor. Of course that’s not true all the time, but in your case it is.
wanderer866 − NTA. If Vince wanted a child, he shouldn’t have cheated with a married woman. If your mom wanted her children to respect her decision in romantic partners to serve as father figures, she should have made better decisions.
If she had made a better decision and divorced your dad before having you, the man she wants to be your dad would be the only one you ever knew. I mean seriously, who wants their dad to be the type of guy who has an affair with a married woman?
She thinks she chose the better man. The way you are turning out is proving her wrong. Vince’s behavior tells us he is only interested in his genetic legacy. Your dad’s tells us he loves his children, no matter what.
Couette-Couette − NTA. A parent is someone who had raised you with love. Pretty often, the people raising you are your biological parents but it is not always the case, like here.
No_Cockroach4248 − NTA, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb, the bond that you choose with your dad is far more significant than the bond with your bio dad. You choose your dad and he choose you. Best wishes OP
CaptainBeefy79 − NTA. You may be forced to spend time in their house, but there’s no law that says you have to make it a pleasant experience for them.
eightmarshmallows − NTA. Tell your mom she should be proud you have chosen to align with and emulate your dad vs her chosen partner. Most parents would be thankful their children are taking the ethical high ground instead of the path of least resistance.
It sounds like your mom was cheating on your dad for over 10 years and then used it as a weapon to hurt your dad and tried to punish him for her mistakes by removing access to his kids. She sounds spiteful, selfish, and like an emotionally unhealthy person. Is she irrational in other ways? Or just on this issue?
LamuneRain − NTA. Keep fighting kid
Do you think the user’s loyalty to his dad is justified, or should he give Vince a chance to build a relationship? How would you handle being in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!