AITA for telling my MIL to f**k off?

A Reddit user, 28 years old and 30 weeks pregnant, shares a tense encounter with her mother-in-law at a family birthday party. After politely declining her MIL’s request to touch her baby bump, the MIL became pushy and entitled, which led the user to snap and tell her to “f**k off.”

The user feels conflicted, knowing that her reaction was harsh but justified due to her MIL’s past invasive behavior toward her husband. She’s seeking judgment on whether she overreacted or was in the right. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for telling my MIL to f**k off?’

So my husband Cassian (30M) and I (28F) and I have been married for three years and am currently 30 weeks pregnant (will become relevant later). Cassian has never had a good relationship with his mum because she was very invasive when he was a kid and did a bunch of really crazy stuff to him.

Constantly accused him of doing drugs/having unprotected s**, drinking, and so much more. For example of severity, one time after she wrongly accused him of stealing her vodka, she pressed the lid of another bottle against his mouth and said something to the effect of “If you want it so much, then drink the whole bottle right now. Drink it.” And tried to make him drink it (he left the house). She found the bottle later because she’d put it ‘somewhere safe’.

To clarify, all of these things were just wild accusations and its safe to say that he didn’t have a good relationship with her in his childhood or adulthood. He has an okay relationship with his dad – a lot better than his mum – and they talk at least once a month, but its very rare that he has contact with her now. I’ve met her once or twice.

His family tend to have these really big birthday parties (He has five brothers and an incredible amount of aunts/uncles/cousins) and there was one this weekend that we both went to for one of his uncles that he was close to growing up and still speaks to now. He knew that his parents were going to be there but figured with everyone else that was also going to be there that we could just avoid his mum or whatever worked.

All was okay when we got there; we milled around for a bit and Cassian ended up going off to speak to one of his brothers and I was making my way over to go to see one of his aunts when I was stopped by his mum. I thought she wasn’t going to do anything at the party so we had a conversation and she asked me about how everything is, and then asked if she could touch the baby bump.

I kind of laughed it off and said that I’d rather she didn’t – because I’m not a big fan of people I don’t know touching me lol. She started getting pushy then, saying stuff like ‘I’m going to be this baby’s grandmother’ and ‘I have a right to know them and watch them grow up’.

She continued and said ‘I know that Cassian hates me but that’s because he was always such a sensitive child’. To me, this was the point when I was just done with her s**t and so I told her to f**k off. It just proves to me that she’s not changed because she still doesn’t admit to doing any wrong and treats mine and Cass’ kid with the same entitlement that she treats him with.

I said she had no right to see the baby and that if she hadn’t gotten the clue by now, then she probably never will. I know I could have been nicer about it but I was just done. Cass and I left and he’s not really bothered by it at all but I know I could have dealt with it with more tact. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

thatTNmguy615 −  I, 38M, had a situation somewhat similiar to Cassian and my mom. I finally got tired of the g**lighting and basically ended the relationship a couple of months ago. Wife 1000% supports my logic/reason and I’m in a better mental space because of it. Congratulations on the growing of your family.

Appropriate-Value54 −  NTA. She was being disrespectful, and it sounds like she always has been. You were defending your family and putting her in her place.

AstoriaEverPhantoms −  There’s a time and place to tell a MIL to f**k off and I think this was the perfect time. Congrats! It’s about you and your family now (husband and child), whatever opinions she has on her role are moot. She doesn’t get a say.

Regular_Boot_3540 −  NTA. As long as you didn’t make a big fuss at the party, there’s no reason to pull your punches with her. She’s never going to learn, and you’re not going to welcome her into your life. She might as well know now.

AVeryBrownGirlNerd −  NTA. Honestly, she was being pushy after you declined (and it sounds like you tried to be polite and friendly about it, at first). Yes, ideally not in a gathering, but she had it coming.

Personally, I would consider going LC and NC because it sounds like she would bulldoze her way into your lives, especially since she feels owed to be part of your child’s life. It could be about power. Your husband is an adult man now, after all. Either way, she is an a**sive person who has done incredibly disgusting things to Cassian and I have no sympathy for her.

cakemansham −  As soon as you said 30 weeks pregnant – NTA. I think what some people forget is that you never have the “right” to see someone or be in their life. If she wanted to be in her grandchild’s life she should have considered making amends with Cass a LONG time ago.

NatashOverWorld −  Tact is for when you want to maintain rlships 🤷🏾‍♂️. NTA.

MotherToMonsters −  NTA sure sounds pretty awful and I don’t see why either of you would want her involved with a baby.

okpineapplez −  NTA momma bear. Your hubby knows what’s up too and is on your side. I would’ve told my own mom the same thing if she disrespected my wife.