Confronting My MIL: Did I Go Too Far in Blaming Her for My Divorce?
A Reddit user shared how her tumultuous relationship with her mother-in-law played a significant role in her divorce. After years of enduring criticism and disrespect, she confronted her MIL at a family gathering, blaming her for the failed marriage. The confrontation left the family divided and tensions high. Read the full story below.
‘ Confronting My MIL: Did I Go Too Far in Blaming Her for My Divorce?’
My MIL and I have always had a difficult relationship. From the very beginning, she never hesitated to voice her disapproval of me or my marriage. Throughout the years, her constant criticism chipped away at my confidence and, ultimately, my relationship with my now ex-husband.
A few months ago, my marriage officially ended. During one of our final conversations, my ex admitted something that broke my heart—he had always harbored doubts about our relationship because of his mother’s influence. She had spent years telling him I wasn’t good enough for him and that I would never live up to her expectations.
The breaking point came at a recent family gathering. After years of holding my tongue, I finally confronted my MIL. I pulled her aside and bluntly told her that her constant interference had played a major role in the breakdown of our marriage.
I expressed how her relentless criticism had undermined our relationship and contributed to its end. She looked stunned, then stormed off in tears. From there, the gathering turned tense. Several family members accused me of being cruel and ruining the event.
While others understood my frustration, they still felt my timing was inappropriate. Now I’m left wondering—was I justified in finally standing up for myself, or should I have approached this conversation differently?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Uropa_Hoppenstedt − I think your marriage failed because your ex wouldn’t establish boundaries with his mother. But still NTA – she certainly had a part in it
Tangled_Up_In_Blue22 − NTA. Your ex-MiL was crying crocodile tears, meant to elicit sympathy. She wasn’t shocked. She knows full well what she did. Those were tears of joy, hidden behind a victim’s facade. She wants to paint you as the cruel one to hide her own cruelty. So sorry it ended like this, but you’re well rid of the lot of them.
HeyEweDane − Your issue is with your ex, not her. I’m a MIL and have been for 4 years. When #2 was dating his now wife (they were very serious at this point), I decided I would tell my son what I thought of her. He quickly, and I do mean quickly, put me in my place.
He wasn’t rude but let me know that she would be his wife and unless she was a**sive then I needed to treat her with respect and he expected her to do the same. My issue was never with her but more about not wanting him to grow up (very young mom).
Since then I’ve made an effort with her and the other DIL. We’re now very close and I stay out of their marriages and am a very involved grandparent. The DILs and I are having a limo light tour tonight, no husbands. We vacation together even. Again it was up to your ex to set boundaries
Melodic_Ranger926 − No, definitely NTA. It was a long time coming. I’m assuming that your ex never stood up to her?
EDJardin − Just a few short months ago, you were an 18M whose GF had smelly girly parts. Goodness, how the time does fly.
TarzanKitty − NTA. However, telling her she won was not the flex you think it is. You didn’t hurt her. You brought her joy.
fernincornwall − What was the gathering?. The context matters. If it was, for example, her grandchild’s birthday or her husband’s funeral? You’d definitely be TA. If it was just a regular Sunday gathering? NTA
Apart-Scene-9059 − Info: Who’s idea was the divorce and what was the original reason since she didn’t come up until the final conversation?
2npac − ESH…time and place. Also, your marriage failed because you married a mama’s boy that couldn’t and wouldn’t set boundaries with his mom. She may have contributed but your soft ass husband is the main reason
wwydinthismess − Your marriage failed because your partner didn’t stand up for it. He has unhealthy boundaries and relationships with his family, and HE let that affect his marriage. Do you blame the glass for breaking, or the person who dropped it?
Do you think confronting her MIL was justified given the history, or should the user have handled it differently? How would you address ongoing family interference in a marriage? Share your opinions below!