AITA for telling my husband’s kids how broke he was when we met after they insinuated I was a golddigger?
A woman married to a man who faced financial struggles due to his late wife’s medical costs defended herself against her husband’s daughter’s accusation that she married him for money. After the daughter insinuated she was a golddigger, the woman revealed that she earns more than her husband and has been covering most of the household expenses.
This led to tension, with the daughter feeling insulted and the husband thinking she shouldn’t have disclosed financial details. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my husband’s kids how broke he was when we met after they insinuated I was a golddigger? ‘
Ive 38F been married to my husband Rob 52M for 4 years now. My husband’s late wife died 1 year before we met and we dated for 2 years before marriage. He has 2 kids 28-Madison and 26-Brett. Note I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife.
I didnt play a part in raising them so Im ok with that. Its always been a tense between us, Ive tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on so I try not to force anything.
Madison recently got engaged and we are excited about it. Everyone was over recently and she asked about a wedding budget from us and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k. She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this so she was upset and kept asking for more.
Rob however is still working hard on building his savings back up. Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working.
Eventually he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him. Rob went to run an errand and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if Im going to give any in addition to what her dad is giving.
I told her were a marital unit and thats what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute. She then said “I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give”. I knew she didnt like me but this is the most flat out rude thing she ever said.
I kinda lost it and said “excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?” Truth of the matter is I make more than her father by a large margin, I have no debt, and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married.
The 10k were giving her, is available because Ive been able to subsidize her father’s living expenses the last few years. I made it clear that not only am I not a golddigger, Im literally wealthier than my “older husband”. She called me stuck up after this and stormed out.
Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget. I told him what happened and he was mad at her but also said I shouldnt have shared his financial details with his kids.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Petefriend86 − NTA, but you have to know that you’re either stuck up or a gold digger to a child (even an adult one) who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother.
Tasty_Doughnut_9226 − NTA but your husband needs to have stern words with his kids. If he doesn’t have a word about calling you a gold digger and then spouting lies, you maybe need to consider whether he does actually love and respect you. Perhaps he’s the gold digger!!
NotCreativeAtAll16 − NTA. Next time Madison calls you a gold digger, tell her to hold the mirror up to her own face, because asking someone to give more money is an AH move.
Pretzelmamma − I’m going with NTA. You shared his financial situation with his kids, not strangers and as you said, you are a marital unit – his finances are your finances and are therefore yours to share. If your husband doesn’t like you telling people you’ve paid off his debt then he should repay you.
banjadev − NTA, the kids are grown-ups, and now they need to start adulting. She is lucky she got that offer from her dad, why do these kids act so entitled? UGH.
ArsenalSeven − He’d rather have his kids you are a gold digger than tell them the truth. They aren’t your kids, don’t contribute a dime to the wedding.
PurpleStar1965 − So the kids were in their late teens/early 20s when their Mom died. Rob should have been clearer with the household finances way back then. But since they probably didn’t see any appreciable changes to lifestyle they were unaware he was mortgaged to the hilt and tapped out.
He should have had a frank discussion with them when she asked for 10k for her wedding. She is an adult and that is ridiculous ask. You are NTA. He needs to be clear with kids about his financial situation.
badger-ball-champion − “said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget” is a wildly disingenuous way to say “called me a gold digger and I corrected her” NTA
Novel-Fun5552 − NTA, if they want to try to spend their dad’s money for him then they should know there isn’t much! You weren’t even particularly rude imo. They pried in your marital finances, they found out the current status of those finances, simple as that.
strangeloop414 − NTA- your husband needs to stand up for you AND confirm the financial status of your marriage exactly how you explained it to her the first time. It IS her business now since she made it her business. It’s her turn to FAFO. You should not be giving them $10,000 for their wedding if they are that rude to you.
Did she go too far, or was her response justified? Share your thoughts below!