AITA for telling my husband that I wont be the one who tells our kids how he died?’

A 27-year-old woman is grappling with her husband’s reckless behavior during a night out with friends. After her husband insisted on joining neighbors they didn’t know and later attempted to jump into a lake after drinking heavily, she expressed her frustration by saying she wouldn’t be the one to explain to their children why he died if something happened.

The husband dismissed her concerns, rolled his eyes, and has since not acknowledged her feelings. Now, she’s questioning whether her comment was too harsh.

‘ AITA for telling my husband that I wont be the one who tells our kids how he died?’

My (F27) husband (M29) and I have been married for seven years and do not have any issues with respecting each others boundaries. This past weekend he completely disregarded me and I cant get it out of my head so I have to know if I was in the wrong.

For some context, I was the sober driver to our group of siblings and friends and we had been out at a bar drinking. We all had a great time and headed home. At this point I was the only sober person by a long shot. My husband suggested to go join the neighbors that was a group of middle aged women partying.

We don’t know them. I went out and told him that it was rude to invite ourselves to someone else’s house without their permission and to leave the idea alone. Not even ten minutes later our other brother who is single came in and told us that my husband was making him feel uncomfortable trying to get him and everyone else to go over there to join the neighbors.

So I went back outside and told him to cut it out. I told him he was making our brother and now me, uncomfortable (I was inside cooking food to help everyone sober up and everyone else was outside on the deck). Once I finished, I was slightly annoyed but went outside to join everyone.

The next thing I know my husband and his friend (M25) stand up and start walking toward the dock. I asked them what they were doing and he said they were hot so they decided to go jump in the lake. It is pitch black out and they had both had over 7 shots that I counted in addition to many drinks. I told him absolutely not.

That is not safe. He rolled his eyes at me and turned to continue walking to the dock. At this point I was pissed. I yelled out to him that was fine. I just wont be the one to tell our kids why their dad died and went back inside to get ready for bed.

He ignored me the rest of the night and when I made him come in to have a conversation with me, he kept rolling his eyes. I told him I felt like he disrespected me and owed me an apology for crossing the line. He insisted that he did nothing wrong.

I tried to have a conversation to explain why his actions were inappropriate but he didn’t see it and instead countered that they didn’t even jump in. They just put their feet in. I ended up going to bed and we haven’t talked about it since. He thinks things are back to normal but knows that I am being short with him.

This was an adults only weekend and no children were present at any point. So AITA for taking things too far with what I said?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Slow-Blueberry8073 −  Absolutely NTA – I feel like a lot of people in these comments don’t understand just how dangerous drinking and swimming can be. Not to mention that he was clearly showing disorderly behaviour and lack of common sense earlier in the night.

Lakes can kill people even when sober and strong swimmers, let alone after 7 shots + many other drinks. You were the sober one of the group, thus it would’ve been on your conscience if something had happened to them – and you likely would’ve been unable to save them.

C_Majuscula −  NTA. What you said probably snapped him out of his drunken stupor enough to get him to reconsider jumping in, which would have been stupid. Does he have a drinking problem? He had 7 shots plus other drinks and was still upright and completing sentences?

That seems excessive unless he’s very large or this bar outing lasted many hours.

Odd_Knowledge_2146 −  Drunk people are not fun. I live at the coast and we have a memorial for a young mother who drowned after she went swimming drunk, so I get where you are coming from. I would honestly just encourage him to drink away from you, make his stupid Mistakes, whatever they are, so it doesn’t stress you out.

People consider drinking normal, being drunk fun, and suffering the next day worth it. Yet there are more and more people saying how hard it is dealing with a**oholic friends/relatives/partners.

indicatprincess −  NTA. Going swimming drunk at night IS dangerous. He was being a pest and you were fed up.

SquishyBeth77 −  NTA – your husband was drunk and beligerant. It was a safety hazard and there was nothing wrong with you trying to stop him. I don’t think he’s mad at you though, he’s more embarrassed that he acted that way. I don’t even think what you said was so bad.

In fact, I would have said it this way, “just think about what the kids are going to think when I have to tell them why you died.”

Z0ooool −  NTA. Oh great, he’s one of those “Get drunk and push the limits of social and safety boundaries until you call me out on it/save me from myself, and then I treat you like the bad guy” drunks.

I’m very familiar with those, and a big part of the reason I avoid drinking situations. I wish I had a solution going forward in the future for you. I haven’t found one, personally.

CoreyKitten −  My partner drowned last year sober. Do not underestimate water.

Narwhal_Sparkles −  Feel free to tell him my brother died this way and myself and my parents looked for him, we were there when his body floated to the surface, my dad swam out to get him and I helped pull him in.
None of us will ever be the same, I can barely hold down a job to support my family, I struggle every day w PTSD.

Coffey2828 −  NTA but you are a little optimistic thinking you can have a rational conversation with a person that had 7 shots plus “many” drinks.

purple235 −  NTA swimming and drinking should never, EVER mix. Let alone swimming after 7 shots plus other drinks. You saved his life and he needs to learn to handle his alcohol so you don’t have to swoop in to save the day

Should she have toned down her response, or was it justified given the circumstances? How can couples navigate such serious topics without dismissing each other’s concerns? Share your thoughts in the comments!