AITA for telling my husband that he, our newborn, our dog, and I need to move out of his mom’s upstairs bedroom?

A Reddit user shares the challenges of living with her mother-in-law while raising a newborn and navigating the pressures of postpartum life. The user and her husband moved in to save for a house, but after several months of tension, lack of personal space, and frequent arguments, the user pushed for an earlier move into an apartment.

Despite financial help from her parents, her husband is resistant to leaving the arrangement they had planned. The user is questioning if she’s in the wrong for demanding a change in their living situation. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for telling my husband that he, our newborn, our dog, and I need to move out of his mom’s upstairs bedroom?’

My husband (24M) and I (25F) moved in with my husband’s widowed mom at the beginning of 2024 to save for a house while I was pregnant with our first child. My husband works full time and I’m a stay-at-home mom to our now newborn baby. We pay his mom a small amount monthly and live in two out of three bedrooms upstairs. One is used as an office/living, the second is our bedroom/nursery, and the third is my husband’s brother’s room, who is a recent college grad.

We knew this wouldn’t be easy, but after 7 months of us living here, we’ve hit our roughest patch yet. We intended to move out of his mom’s house sometime in 2025 and into our new home, but expenses and the economy have stalled our savings. Our plans have needed to change, but living in this current housing situation has become increasingly uncomfortable and taxing on our marriage.

We have very little control in the home, always having to accommodate the other two residents here that live differently than we do, and respect for our personal space and time is inconsistent. Sometimes the food I need to grab in my 5 minutes away from the baby isn’t in the fridge, or my mother-in-law is talking over me when I’m with my husband downstairs.

All of this compounds when you add in being postpartum, learning how to parent for the first time, and the pressure of taking care of a newborn that cries around the clock. My husband and I fight almost daily, I can’t get through a week without a meltdown that affects our routines, and I’m struggling to see how we’ll make it through the coming holidays without more conflict.

My husband is determined to stay here until either we 1) save enough for a down payment or 2) he gets a job with higher salary. However, both of these are unlikely to happen within the next several months. Graciously, my parents have gifted us 10k to help us move out sooner and before things get any harder.

After receiving this, I told my husband in a conversation that we need to move out and into an apartment ASAP, but he completely freaked out. I made things worse by pushing him and creating a huge argument out of my pain points with living here. Now I’m the bad guy for telling him that we need to move out sooner than we originally planned, and not into a house.

Check out how the community responded:

fanofthethings −  This sounds mean, but move out. He doesn’t have to come with you if he’s going to be stubborn. But if you need to move for your health and mental wellness, do it! It doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It means you’re putting your family first. You can pay rent for quite a while with the money from your parents. You’re NTA. He’s being unreasonable.

CinnamonBlue −  He wants to live with his mother more than he wants to live with you. He’ll keep moving the goalposts.

Gallogator1 −  Would it be possible for you to stay with your parents for a week sometime close to the holidays? It would let you recharge and hopefully clear your mind of stress. The time between Thanksgiving and New Years would allow your family to have one on one time. You could frame it as going to your parents to decorate, bake cookies and enjoy some of your families traditions. I think a little TLC would be a blessing.

Disco_Sugit −  NAH. This is tough. I understand your frustration, but that 10k might be the best chance of getting a downpayment on a house, but only if it’s added to another pile of money. Yes, you can use the 10k for rent. That will get you about seven months of peace (if the rent is $1500 per month), then you’ll be back on your MILs doorstep, worse off than you are now.

“My husband is determined to stay here until either we 1) save enough for a down payment or 2) he gets a job with higher salary. However, both of these are unlikely to happen within the next several months.” I hate to break it to you, but both of these things are unlikely to happen for a lot longer than that.

notthedefaultname −  Info: your previous plan was 1-2 years there and that was supposed to be enough savings to leave? And now you have an additional gift of 10k? If that gift isn’t enough to help you out, what pace were you saving at that would’ve let you move out in a couple months? What’s a reasonable estimate for a timeline?

No vague “one year from now” plans. A real sit down with your budget and savings. $X goal for downpayment, $Y is saved, so if you save an additional $Z per month then how many months until you hit your goal? Is that amount of time something you can live with?

What mitigating things can you do until you hit that timeline to move out? Can you go to your parents with baby for two weeks to give all the relationships that are strained in you MIL’s home a break? Could you add a part time work from home job to save faster? Could you buy a smaller or cheaper starter home than your eventual dream home? Maybe deal with a longer commute or some other compromises?

Traditional_Fan_2655 −  Take a deep breath. You are tired, possibly have post partum depression or, at the very least, have the stress of being a newborn mother. I do not agree with posters saying leave your husband behind while you have a newborn and no job. Not only will 10k not last long on zero income until you divorce, but the added stress of being 100% alone with a newborn 24 hours a day would be detrimental to your well-being as well.

If you leave, you will most likely end up divorced with a newborn in daycare. He would continue living with his mom because he cannot afford child support and his own place. It just opens up a world of other issues, I promise. Please take this from someone who was alone with a newborn, working, no child support or any help beyond daycare while at work for the first 19 months. It’s hard. It’s really really hard. If you are not in an a**sive situation, being alone with a newborn is rarely less stressful.

First off, you two need to have a calm discussion. Nothing good ever happens with issues brought up in anger. Tell him your frustrations, but also have potential options available. Make it a productive conversation.. Consider this.
You have two bedrooms.

The office could be used part-time for the baby. Sometimes, you need sleep, and your husband needs to take over. It does not need to be a fulltime office. Also, why not put a mini fridge in there? It would be convenient for b**ast milk or for your snacks. That would eliminate one issue.. Secondly

His mom talking over others could be their dynamic. She probably doesn’t realize it as they’ve possibly done this for years. She could also be losing her hearing or just be loud. It doesn’t make it right, but your husband should have dealt with it. Ask him to speak up for you. He can say, “Hold on mom, I’m sorry, honey, what were you saying?” After a few times, she should get the picture. If not, he can have a conversation with her. It isn’t your battle to fight, it’s his to fight for you.. Thirdly.

The 10k will help your deposit on the house. That is your goal. It will speed up getting a down deposit. If you use it to move out, eat, pay utilities, diapers, etc., it will last a few months only. Your goal is a house. Spending it would keep you in an apartment for much longer, either alone in the apartment with your baby in daycare while you work, or together with your husband and baby.

Unless you are in government housing, getting WIC and SNAP, you will need to work if you are alone. I have no idea what the qualifications are, but many people here have said housing is backlogged, and the rest isn’t enough. I understand some states also require you try to work at least part-time.. Fourthly.

Get out of the house daily. It not only helps depression or baby blues, it also gives you a mental breather and simple exercise. You won’t feel trapped in the room. You won’t be stuck in a house all day. You both need fresh air. Go to the park. Walk around the block.

Walk around a mall if there is still one around. If not, walk around a big warehouse store during non-peak times. Sit on the front porch if you don’t have the energy. Even if all you can do is bundle up your baby and walk around the block a few times pushing the stroller. The key is to not be sitting in the same room all day. Get out of the house for an hour. It helps.. Fifthly

You can do this. Having a baby is always stressful, especially if that baby has colic or cries a lot. Very few people are prepared for that. There are OTC remedies for colic. If your baby cries non-stop, that’s not normal. Babies cry because something is wrong.

Check with your doctor to see if your baby has reflux. If so, you cannot lay the baby flat after eating, even after burping. They end up having part of their stomach contents mixed with stomach acid coming up to burn the esophagus. It’s such a small issue that it can be easily resolved to give you all some peace.. Lastly

You can do this. It probably seems insurmountable, but it isn’t. Have time with your husband away from the family, even if you sit in the ‘office’. Tell him you need one on one time. See if grandma will babysit so you two can go to dinner. Your mom or his.

The key is that every single night you two need to connect to plan, relax, converse, share. He has possibly fallen back in the habit of being a part of his family instead of your family you two created. You two need to reconnect with the core of you. Working towards a common goal helps a lot.. Hang in there. You can do this.

KatvVonP −  Well, you were aware that this is not your house and others decide the rules… Let’s add that having you and a crying baby under the same roof must not be easy for the other residents, too. I hope you can get out of there, ASAP. It would be best for everyone and everyone’s mental health.

Car_One −  ESH. She’s a stay at home Mom. How will she afford to get her own apartment? She needs to learn a little emotional regulation. She and her husband need a plan. They are also currently taking up 2 bedrooms in the house for very little rent. Do they help with other expenses and help with chores?

trolleydip −  You listed a lot of issues, not all that involve living in this house. Has your husband proposed any solutions to the other issues?. MIL speaking over you?. Ways for you to sleep?. Prepared meals? It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders, and you need more help parenting. Husband needs to step up.

I’m just trying to understand how much of these issues would be resolved by living in an apartment, and how many are just new parent problems. I do think its an issue that you decide for the both of you that moving is the ONLY option.

Beneficial-Way-8742 −  ESH.   It doesn’t sound like your husband is considering the toll this takes on you (he’s not home for 40+ waking hours a week, but you are and you’re dealing with the in-laws; that takes a toll!).
But you sound like you are being demanding/ inflexible in some else’s house (“We have very little control in the home, always having to accommodate the other two residents here that live differently than we do,…”.  Well, yeah, it’s THEIR house) 

You guys seem worlds apart.  Daily arguing is very extremely.   I strongly suggest marriage counseling (if in the US: check your community resources for free/discounted sources, plus husband’s company may have an Employee Resource Center which often offer limited counseling support services).

Other commenters here are right that the $10k will go quickly if you rent but could be a nice jump start to deposited in a house. Consult a financial advisor (if in the US: check community colleges for free/cheap advisors, possibly in their tax center).