AITA for telling my husband no to getting lunch in the middle of the work day with my husband’s brother & in laws before he leaves for his final year of college? ?
A Redditor hosting seasonal dinner parties for family, where everyone can safely eat without allergy concerns, found herself frustrated with her sister-in-law’s insistence on bringing food.
Despite repeatedly asking her SIL not to bring anything due to menu planning and allergy issues, the SIL persisted, even showing up with cornbread after being specifically asked to bring wine instead if she wanted to bring a hostess gift.
After discreetly discarding the cornbread, the host faced backlash from her SIL and brother. Read the full story below to see how the host managed the situation and whether the actions were justified.
‘ AITA for telling my husband no to getting lunch in the middle of the work day with my husband’s brother & in laws before he leaves for his final year of college? ?’
In the last few hours, I (F 28) found out that my husband (M 30) made tentative lunch plans with his family and brother without asking me about my schedule for next Thursday… I told my husband to go without me if that’s the day everyone is set on.
I’m not mad about him going, just more of his expectation that I would drop everything to join the lunch during work. And he’s annoyed that I’ve said no, but my work takes priority and if this was planned for after work, then it would be more than doable.
We are leaving for a wedding this weekend and returning home on Sunday. The plan (I thought) was to stop by my in laws house on the drive back and say goodbye to my husband’s brother before he leaves for his senior year of college a few days later on Thursday afternoon.
We both work mostly remote jobs, and I have general working hours from 9-5ish or 10-6ish. The only time I am able to comfortably leave my desk is to go to my workout class for 1-1.5 hours right before the start of my day.
My FIL texted my husband and said my BIL was depressed that he couldn’t see my husband before leaving, even though we were going to stop by to say goodbye on Sunday. My FIL told him that he realizes my husband is busy, but to try to accommodate. This upset me for a couple of reasons:
1) I got the impression that my FIL doesn’t care about my job schedule, and he doesn’t feel like it’s hard to accommodate such a request when in reality, meetings are generally scheduled more than a week out.
And even if it’s not a meeting heavy day or week, there is still work to do (especially in my field of public health where it’s very research and writing focused). It seems like he only prioritized my husband’s schedule and I would just tag along/agree with everything.
2) We see my husband’s family at least 1-2 times a month, and they live 30 minutes from us. Anything more than that I feel like I would get anxious, as I’m naturally more of an introvert and need time at home to reset my social battery, whether it’s family or friends.
So for them to act like it’s not good enough for us to swing by the day after a wedding to come say goodbye on Sunday instead of Thursday rubs me the wrong way. I’m pretty upset about the lack of communication from my husband’s side.
He went ahead and tentatively said let’s meet for lunch next Thursday right before his brother drives off to college, then caught me up with the plans. Any other time after work would be been fine.
And now he’s annoyed at me because I can’t step out for lunch with his family during the work day on specifically a Thursday, which round trip would be at least 3-4 hours. It hurts me a lot because I always make sure to communicate with him before proposing or committing to plans with anyone. AITA?
See what others had to share with OP:
Adventurous-travel1 − Why can’t he see him on his own and then again on Sunday? He should be able to go and spend time with his brother as he can and it’s about them and not you.
ZookeepergameOk1354 − I think many people misunderstood OP. Husband is mad OP can’t make time, at least that’s how I understood the post. Nways husband should just go alone. It’s not a Biggie.
Cheapie07250 − NTA. I’m not sure why everyone is assuming that she told her husband he can’t go without her?
She posted that he made the tentative plans without consulting her on her work schedule and her husband is now annoyed with her because she can’t just step out for 3-4 hours during the work day to go to lunch with his family.
No where does she state that he can’t go alone, and he is actually annoyed with her for not blowing off work to go to this lunch.
ffj_ − I don’t understand why people are breaking their backs calling OP controlling? She said her husband is irritated she declined lunch. Not that she has him on a leash tied to her desk and isn’t letting him go 💀 NTA and tell your husband to go without you, he’ll live and your ILs mostly want to see your husband anyways.
Ill_Visual6292 − And now he’s annoyed at me because I can’t step out for lunch with his family during the work day
Nta. Good thing I read until the end.
pandora840 − I think I’m reading it right that you’ve said “no” for YOU to go to this lunch because of work commitments? Some comments suggest they think you said HE couldn’t go. If I’m right then absolutely NTA!
MementoMiri − NTA, did everyone miss this part? “he’s annoyed at me because I can’t step out for lunch with his family during the work day”
Anxious-Routine-5526 − I’m at a loss here. None of this is really about you. Is there a reason your husband can’t see his brother without you?
Unfair_Finger5531 − I don’t know what’s going on in this thread, but NTA. If I understand correctly, **your issue is that your husband is mad you can’t leave work and attend the luncheon**.
He is a stupid a**hole if he thinks you can just pause work for 4 hours and go to lunch. And you are well within your rights to be annoyed. I don’t know if people are not understanding the post or what, but you are not the a**hole here.
TheQuietType84 − NTA. He either goes alone or includes you in making the plans. He doesn’t have the right to make your plans himself and then tell you to skip a day of work just to make his dad happy.
Do you think the host’s actions were justified, given her allergy concerns and carefully planned menu, or was she too harsh on her sister-in-law? How would you handle a situation where a guest consistently disregards specific requests? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
