AITA for telling my husband I won’t pay his debts anymore?

A Reddit user shared their frustration with a husband who repeatedly broke financial agreements by accumulating new debts after years of joint efforts to pay off the old ones. Despite initial teamwork and sacrifices, the husband’s continued reckless spending and secret credit card led the user to draw a firm boundary: no more financial support unless he changes his behavior.

The husband accuses them of abandoning their marital commitment, leaving the Redditor to question if they’ve been too harsh. Read the full story below to explore the dynamics of this financial standoff.

‘ AITA for telling my husband I won’t pay his debts anymore?’

I (33F) have been married to my husband (36M) for six years. When we got married, I knew he had some financial issues—mostly credit card debt and a few personal loans. Despite my concerns, we agreed we’d tackle his debts together as a team. The plan was simple: stick to a strict budget, avoid unnecessary expenses, and gradually pay everything off. At first, it seemed like a challenge we could overcome together, and I was happy to support him.

For the first few years, I handled most of the finances while he adjusted to the budgeting process. However, things started to feel off about a year ago. I noticed he was buying items we hadn’t discussed—expensive gadgets, nights out with friends, and even some surprise gifts for me.

While I appreciated the gestures, I couldn’t ignore that these expenses were setting us back. When I brought it up, he brushed it off, saying he needed “small joys” to get through the stress of debt repayment.

It got worse a few months ago when I discovered he had opened a new credit card without telling me. This was a huge betrayal of our agreement. When I confronted him, he admitted it but tried to justify it by saying he didn’t want to burden me with more stress. I was furious. We’d spent years sacrificing to pay off his old debts, and now he was starting the cycle all over again.

After several heated arguments and broken promises, I finally told him I was done. I said I wouldn’t pay another cent toward his debts unless he showed real commitment to changing his habits. He accused me of abandoning him and going back on my word, saying that marriage is about supporting each other through everything. While I agree, I also feel like he’s taking advantage of my support.

Now, he’s sulking and telling me I’ve made him feel alone in his struggles. I’ve been questioning whether I’m being too harsh, but I also can’t keep enabling this behavior. So, AITA for refusing to help him pay his debts anymore?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Far_Information_9613 −  NTA but consult an attorney so you don’t get stuck with his debt if he dies or you divorce.

4me2knowit −  He went back on HIS word. You have simply responded.

Vampire_Dark10 −  Your husband has a bit of a shopping addiction…or just really bad math skills. Either way, NTA for wanting to put a stop to it.

Any-Expression2246 −  “He accused me of abandoning him and going back on my word, saying that marriage is about supporting each other through everything.” What happened to that agreement he made in the beginning? Who is abandoning who here?

ZZartin −  NTA he is g**lighting you. Like you said he’s just going back to doing what he did before he hasn’t actually changed. Your word was to get him out of debt, not to enable him getting back into debt.

DoubleDipCrunch −  Hate to tell ya, the bank don’t see it that way.. They want thier money.

Striking-Horse8372 −  Get a lawyer now!

Adal19501a −  NTA, get a lawyer quickly and separate your assets so he doesn’t drag you down with him.

No_Tiger75 −  but if youre in a community property state those debts are YOURS too so think of it THAT way , you need to protect YOU.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA. Sounds like he has a spending addiction. He needs help to overcome his ridiculous entitlement issues and to learn that “small joys” don’t have to cost money. Honestly, you’d be fully right to leave him at this point and build up your savings either on your own (which will be easier than with him) or with a partner who can match you. Edited to add: get a lawyer as others have commented! Protect your assets!