AITA for telling my husband I don’t care what the doctor says?

A Reddit user shares her frustration with her husband after he passed out at work, had medics assess him, but chose not to inform her until he got home.

This situation reminds her of a past incident when her husband was seriously injured in an explosion early in their relationship and only told her after he was discharged.

She feels hurt that he continues to exclude her during critical health events, and when he sought her input on what the doctor might say, she snapped and said she didn’t care since he hadn’t informed her in the moment. She’s wondering if she’s wrong for reacting this way.

‘ AITA for telling my husband I don’t care what the doctor says?’

I 38 F have been married to my husband 41 M for 10 years. We have been together for 12. He told me today when he got home from work at 8pm that he passed out at work. He told me the medics were called and now he has to go to the doctor to get blood work done.

He did not call me and asked his co workers not to call me because he didn’t want me to worry. It really hurt my feelings. This comes after an accident that happened just after we started dating.

He was involved in a serious explosion that caused 1st and 2nd degree burns on the right side of his face and arm. He didn’t call me until her was getting discharged from the hospital as I was not listed as an emergency contact yet.

I explained to him after that accident that I would have like to been there for support, to talk to doctors, to ask questions, to learn aftercare and anything else that was important information.

Well after he told me about todays incident, he began asking what I think it could have been, what it could be, what the Dr might say, and so on. I told him if you didn’t t care enough to let me know something was wrong when it was wrong…I don’t care enough to care now. Am I the a**hole?

Edit to add: After reading comments I must add – He called his best friend while being assessed by medics. His co workers wanted to call me but he said no.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Arse_______ −  YTA for making.it about you and your ego instead of about his health

jippyzippylippy −  YTA. When something traumatic happens to someone, they aren’t always in their right mind. Should he have called? Yep. But you don’t have to compound the situation by being flippant and refusing to help him through this. Have some empathy and do the right thing for the person you are going through life with.

tialaila −  YTA me, me, me that’s all this post was about, so you don’t actually care to support your spouse you just want to be the first to know

Dry_Dragonfruit_4191 −  So, he did tell you about what he needs to follow up on and your mad he didn’t tell you right after it happened? When one is passed out, they can’t talk. When someone is getting assessed by medics- you don’t make calls.

After one has a medical issue- they need to process things. It’s not like he kept this from you. He waited until he got home to tell you. You are making this about you- when it’s not about you.. YTA

Negative-Local7563 −  Both are in the wrong. You are his spouse and you should have been called, especially since you said that he was to himself and wasn’t blackout or out of his mind he had his full mental capabilities and knew how you felt.

Now we both know you truly are worried, and you truly do care what the dr will say. You’re just mad at the situation of him not letting you know which you have every right to be upset about.

Now, what isn’t ok is you using your hurt feelings as a weapon and saying mean things that I’m sure you really don’t think. Yall both take a breather. Sit down and explain that you are hurt by his actions and you were in the wrong to lash out at him because you were hurt.

Then, after everything is cooled down and no more hurt feelings on either side, the issue that caused all of this needs to be discussed.

HCIBSW −  YTA, put your ego aside. Your husband did not want to bother you at the time it happened. I bet he thought it was nothing. Work to cover their own interests has the emt’s come.

You don’t say if they took him to the hospital, just to see a doctor for bloodwork. If he had passed out, fainted at home how would he have handled it?

BTW, At the time of the first accident, you would have been told much more than the basics by the hospital staff, you were not married, not related, they would not have discussed anything alone with you.

Loud-Decision-8444 −  Info: have you asked him WHY he didn’t want you there?

firewifegirlmom0124 −  NTA – I would be LIVID if my husband told his coworkers not to call me in an emergency. Like rethinking our marriage livid

Willing-Round9851 −  NTA. It’s rather stupid to not have your partner contacted immediately to be kept in the loop in the unfortunate circumstance that it turns south fast. And especially when you’re married, you are usually the next to make medical decisions if the one in care is unable.

For your partner to constantly leave you to know to the end after everything’s passed is childish. I would hope if you have kids now or ever, that he doesn’t pull this crap if one of them were to get hurt.

bluepvtstorm −  NTA. Here’s the thing. If he is going to put the burden of aftercare and emotions on you then you should have been a part of the conversation. For those that have never had to do this.

There is a lot of information that it thrown at people when they have medical emergencies or conditions that need to be managed. Second hand information is not great to receive especially through the filter of someone who obviously didn’t want her to know all the information in the first place.

Believe me when I tell you, nobody gives a crap about being on stage to show how loving you are when a loved one is in a medical situation. You want the most a accurate and up to date information so you can make the best decisions.

If you didn’t need me to know when it happened then you can manage it yourself. I am that stubborn and that is a hill to double down on.

Do you think the user’s frustration is justified given the history between them? Should her husband have informed her immediately, or was he trying to spare her unnecessary worry? How would you handle communication in a situation like this? Share your thoughts!