AITA for telling my husband for once in your life be quiet?

A Reddit user describes the challenge of dealing with her husband, who is constantly loud in everything he does — from talking to the exaggerated sounds he makes during everyday tasks. Despite her efforts to communicate that his volume overwhelms her due to an auditory sensitivity, he hasn’t adjusted his behavior.

After one particularly loud moment, she snapped and told him to “be quiet for once,” leading him to dismiss her complaints and claim he’s not as loud as she says. Now she wonders if she went too far. Read her full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my husband for once in your life be quiet?’

My 40f, husband 45m, Jake is a very loud person. He does nothing quietly. He talks loudly, stomps when he walks, slams doors, etc. But he also groans loudly, yawns loudly, grunts loudly, makes overly exaggerated sounds of struggle and exhaustion no matter what he is doing.

He will be taking his socks off and it’s, AHHH, OHHHH, WOOOO, GAHHHH, UGHHHH, AH, OHH, AH, OHH every damn time. He doesn’t do any of this out of anger. I’ve talked to him countless times about being quieter, he doesn’t think he’s loud, but he really is.

Until I met Jake I didn’t realize anyone can yawn louder than a drill seargent yells. I’ve explained to him it’s so loud it feels painful to me, I have an auditory disorder and I often struggle with noise levels where I get headaches and nausea.

To wrap this up, Jake was being what seemed to be louder than his usual loud earlier and I snapped and told him to for once in his damn life just be quiet!
Obviously that didn’t go well and now he’s mad at me, but he’s also making it a point to prove how quiet he can be and that it’s just me making things up when I say he’s too loud.. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

LoveyPudgy94 −  NTA but sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation about it and come to some kind of solution that makes you both happy.

ActuatorInfinite8329 −  ESH Did you marry this guy after no dates at all? Marriage is for someone you celebrate, not someone you tolerate.

xROFLSKATES −  Why are you married to somebody you don’t like?

shontsu −  \*blink\* So as someone with an auditory disorder, you decided to marry the loudest person you’ve ever met, and now you’re upset that he’s loud?
Its like you set out to make your own life miserable, but rather than blame yourself you’re blaming him. The guy who has apparently not changed since you met him.

theory240 −  ESH – You are not gonna change him. For whatever reason, he expresses himself via noise. But, I find it hard to believe you didn’t notice this before you married him…. So, you have a decision to make….

dzeiii −  YTA i mean you married the guy knowing all this? Deal with it lol.

toxicredox −  ESH. Your husband won’t survive one day in the zombie apocalypse. He’ll be the only human killed because he took off his socks loudly enough to attract a passing horde. That’s not why he’s an AH, though. He’s an AH for insisting you’re making up how loud he is, rather than accepting reality and seeing if he can change it.

You’re supposed to be his partner, but he acts like you’re trying to bamboozle him into becoming a super-stealthy ninja. That being said, he’s loud. He has always been this way. You have known this about him. You chose to marry him anyway. If he WAS being louder than usual, you could’ve just asked him to reel it in rather than snap at him like that. (But that’s not why you’re in AH territory.)

The reason I went ESH is because you’re being an AH to yourself, OP. Accomodating your auditory disorder is your responsibility. You’ve spoken to him about being quieter. For years, per your comments. He’s not quieter. He won’t be. Accept that, and start setting up boundaries that accomodate your disorder to protect your physical and mental health.

If you’re changing in your room and he comes in to change and he’s being too loud for you – leave the room. Still hear him in the other room? Put on some noise canceling headphones or go for a drive. He has already shown you that he will NOT giving your needs for quieter sounds or silence any kind of priority.

Please believe him and do what you need to do to protect yourself, since he won’t help. OP, you snapped at your husband for being louder than usual – and I’m guessing since your description lacked details that there weren’t other factors here (such as him making a n**ty comment or lying or being a j**k over something).

He was just being louder than usual, and you snapped. All it took to make you snap was a little bit more noise, OP. Please stop doing this to yourself.
Also, while I don’t doubt he’s loud, I think the bigger issue is the he makes nose during activities that most people don’t make noise (like removing socks).

I dub people who make noises like you describe here “eternal narrators” because it feels like they’re constantly narrating their life to me with these noises. Unless I misunderstood your post, you seem to be on your last nerve from the constant noise. Please take care of yourself.

A9J9B −  ESH – I have an auditory disorder and I often struggle with noise levels where I get headaches and nausea. And yet you married your husband. Don’t tell me this is a new problem. You knew what you were getting into. This whole thing should have been handled way sooner. He’s also an a**hole for obviously not caring that it bothers you over years.

daydreamer19861986 −  I just don’t understand why you married someone obnoxiously loud when you have auditory disorder. Its clearly a mismatch…

Snow2D −  I have an auditory disorder and I often struggle with noise levels where I get headaches and nausea. Until I met Jake I didn’t realize anyone can yawn louder than a drill seargent yells. So you have an auditory disorder and you met a guy who is louder than anyone you’ve ever met before and you thought…?

What was the thought process here? Auditory disorder + loudest person ever = great match? Is this even real? Literally everyone who reads this sees the problem. You chose this problem. And now you want someone you chose to be with to change for you.. That makes YTA

Was it fair for her to ask her husband to tone down his volume, or did she go too far by snapping? Have you ever dealt with someone who didn’t realize how loud they were? Share your thoughts and advice below!