AITA for telling my husband and his family not to call me a nickname?
A woman named Lucy (28F) shared her frustration with her husband (31M) over his use of the nickname “Lulu.” This name carries deep emotional significance for Lucy, as it was used exclusively by her late mother.
Though her husband had respected her feelings for years, he recently started calling her “Lulu” again, seemingly influenced by his sister using the nickname behind Lucy’s back. Lucy reminded him multiple times not to use it, but he brushed it off, saying it was just a nickname and that she should be over it.
Hurt by his dismissal, Lucy temporarily moved in with her sister, but now her husband and his family are saying she’s overreacting. She’s left questioning whether her reaction was justified.
‘ AITA for telling my husband and his family not to call me a nickname?’
So my name is Lucy (28f). My husband (31m) has always been super fond of nicknames and has given me plenty of them. They constantly change and I have never minded any of the ones he’s given me before. They’re all quite harmless, usually food or animal related. But they tend to stick for a while.
His family also uses nicknames. They occasionally give me one, too, it’s often the same one my husband uses if it isn’t too sappy. Again, I don’t mind them, in fact I usually find it quite cute and endearing. Until recently. My husband started calling me Lulu – let me give you the context.
I was called Lulu growing up exclusively by my mother, and she’s passed away not long before I met my husband. I took her loss pretty hard. I told him that it has a lot of emotional significance for me, and that it doesn’t feel right to hear anyone else say it. He respected that for years, and so did his family.
But recently his sister has been referring to me as Lulu whenever I wasn’t there, according to what I’ve been told. And I guess he naturally picked up on it. It’s irritating because it’s not like he forgot about my reasons behind it, he’ll hesitate before saying it. Like he’s trying to see how I’ll react.
I’ve reminded him calmly a couple times that I would appreciate he not call me that. There’s plenty of other things I didn’t mind him calling me. Nothing that had emotional weight. The other day he said that he didn’t see the big deal anymore. It had been some years and I should be over it by now. That it’s just a nickname.
He said it lightly, like he was trying to let me down easy, but it stung. Maybe I overreacted, but I was hurt by it. I packed a bag and I’m currently staying with my sister. He and his family texted saying I’m doing a lot over a little nickname, and I’m thinking maybe they’re right. I want to get past this because it feels petty at this point. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. If nicknames aren’t a big deal, then why can’t he let this nickname drop? Why do he and his family have to keep the ONE nickname that causes you pain?
Why isn’t that a big deal? You are the person who gets to decide when you’re over your mother’s d**ath. Not him.
It’s not the nickname; it’s the disrespect. NTA. Calling it an overreaction is exactly the same as the “can’t you take a joke?” defense, which is always l**me.
NTA. I think everyone is missing the biggest thing here. The other day he said that he didn’t see the big deal anymore. It had been some years and I should be over it by now.
OP’s spouse is blatantly and intentionally disrespecting OP’s feelings here.
He’s been told multiple times to stop and he decided he’s going to keep doing it because she should be over her dead mother by now ? What the f**ck?
NTA – people need to call you the name you choose. Telling you to get other your mother’s d**ath is t**xic behavior. Does he treat you like this with other things?
NTA It carries a sentiment, and it’s understandable that you want to hold on to that. BUT, regardless of your reasoning, a simple no should be enough. I don’t understand why so many people disrespect simple requests this way 🤦♀️
NTA. It’s not a big deal *to him*. It is to you. Tell him that. Your mother will always remain your mother, no matter how much time has passed. If doesn’t matter if you’re 9 or 90, Lulu will always be her special name for you and no one has the right to tell you *it’s no big deal*.
NTA Maybe the reaction was a little big but you made your boundary clear and it was disrespected. It’s not a joke if it’s not funny. Then his family proceeds to diminish your feelings over it.
It’s not just a little nickname to you and you shouldn’t let them gaslight you into believing it’s okay just because they would rather react defensively instead of apologizing and choosing not using it.
NTA. You set a clear and reasonable boundary. He has chosen to disregard your boundary and denigrate your ongoing grief over your mother.
He chose the actions, you’re choosing the consequences.
Is your reaction extreme? Maybe, but if this is the hill you’re choosing to die on, stand firm. I bet his family remembers your boundary on this issue going forward.
The other day he said that he didn’t see the big deal anymore. He doesn’t get to decide that for you. NTA
NTA. They could just stop calling you the nickname its not hard. Or at this point are they doing it on purpose?
What do you think? Was Lucy right to draw a boundary, or did she take things too far over a nickname?