AITA for telling my husband and his ex-wife that they need to hire a tutor as I won’t help educate my stepson?

A Reddit user expressed their frustration after being asked by their husband and his ex-wife to oversee the homeschooling of their ten-year-old stepson while he stays with them. Although the user loves their stepson and supports his education, they feel that it’s unreasonable to take on the role of teacher while working full-time as a data analyst.

This led to a heated argument, with the husband and ex-wife questioning the user’s commitment to the boy’s education. If you want to learn more about this family dynamic, read the original story below.

‘ AITA for telling my husband and his ex-wife that they need to hire a tutor as I won’t help educate my stepson?’

I (38F) have been married to my husband (39M) for four years and been together for seven all in all. He has a ten year old son from his previous marriage and I love him a lot, my husband splits custody with his ex-wife 50/50 with them alternating weeks.

They have been in talks about my Stepsons education for a while as he doesn’t thrive in a traditional schooling environment and they want to homeschool him. If done right I don’t see an issue with this even though I do have concerns about his social needs.

I expressed those thoughts but beyond that I didn’t offer much input, he’s their son and his education is up to them. I had an issue however when they seemed to think that I could oversee his education when he’s staying with his father and I.

They even commented how i’m always home so it’s perfect, I work remotely as a Data Analyst so yes i’m around but i’m working and not free to play teacher. Helping with homework outside of work is fine but actually teaching? that’s not my job.

I told them as much and said if they want to do this either his mum will have to come round during my work hours or they’ll have to hire a tutor as I won’t be splitting my focus between teaching him and my job, I even told them i’d be happy to put money towards the tutor.

They feel i’m being unreasonable and his ex-wife even questioned if I see their son as my family if i’ve got so little interest in his schooling and what is best for him.

This led to harsh words said on both sides, my husband actually took her side in this and has told me he’s disappointed in me, that it’s not like his son is a little kid who’ll be underfoot constantly and surely the point of remote working is that I can have a balance to help out around the home, I suggested if he felt that way maybe he should see about working remotely.

I feel pretty s**t about this, I love my stepson and I want a good future for him and for an education he thrives in but I don’t see why it’s down to me to educate him when I work fulltime even if that work is from home. My husband is currently really upset with me and the fact they’re both in agreement in this is making me question if i’m in the wrong and being an a**hole.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

JNF919 −  INFO: What is your husband’s role in this homeschooling experience supposed to be under their plan?

ElDia13 −  NTA. You are working full time. Tell your husband that if he thinks it’s so important to homeschool him, then he needs to take time off. And when he says he can’t because he has work, tell him that if he thinks his work is more important than his son’s education, then he should think about his priorities the same way he is asking you to. Working from home still requires you to work from home. Don’t jeopardize your employment because they can’t parent appropriately. Good luck to you.

PurpleVermont −  NTA, and you are looking out for what is best for your stepson. He deserves a teacher who isn’t busy doing another job at the same time. Homeschooling is a significant time investment, if done right.

Edit: if he’s not thriving in traditional schooling, he’s unlikely to thrive in a situation where he’s supposed to be working independently, supervised by someone who is distracted by having another full-time job they are doing at the time.

eefr −  NTA. Teaching is a full-time job. You already have a full-time job that takes up your daytime hours. Working from home doesn’t mean you have time to take on a new full-time job. If your husband wants his son homeschooled so badly, but doesn’t want to hire a tutor, he can quit his own job and teach.

He can’t expect you to do two jobs at the exact same time. He and his wife are completely unreasonable and have no respect for your work. You are effectively “at work” during all the hours you are working. This is next-level insanity.

Runns_withScissors −  NTA. You are being honest about what you are able to do. In this case, loving your stepson is saying “no” to what you cannot realistically take on.
I taught 10 year olds for over a decade and homeschooled 4 of my own children.

**Homeschooling a grade-school child and doing it well is a huge commitment, not something that can be managed along with a full-time WFH job.** Why do the parents want to “homeschool” this boy if nobody has the time or ability to actually do it? Edit: added “ability” to last sentence.

Phyesalis −  INFO: Have either of them attempted to educate their child while working a full-time job? Have they ever homeschooled anyone? Have they considered other options that don’t involve you adding “unpaid teacher” to resume? Are there no unschooling/co-education day programs in the area?

Also, did you ask the ex-wife if she sees you as family, or just free childcare and education? Because that was a low blow on her part. That’s some n**ty manipulation.. Definitely NTA.

tictactoss −  NTA. Remote work is still 100% just that: WORK. Those who work remotely *still have to complete the hours and work.* But somehow, people feel that remote workers can multi-task and also accomplish all the household chores, are eating bon-bons while watching the Price is Right, and I guess homeschool a child too.

Nope. You’re still in a cubicle working those hours, the cubicle is just your home office as you define it. There is no way the OP can also be a full time teacher on the days her step child is there. And the bio parents should understand it would not be in the interest of the child in any way for this to happen.

Curious_Puffin −  NTA. I suspect your ‘availability’ was key to the homeschooling idea, and without your cooperation they have to go back to the drawing board But no one gets to volunteer other people’s time for their plans.

You didn’t get a say in the decision to home school, so they don’t get to foist their decision on you and then pretend that he is your son and you should step up. They can’t have it both ways. BTW, your husband isn’t really on his ex wife’s side.

He’s on the side of ‘not wanting to do the job himself’ and they currently align. One more thing. If your stepson waits a year he can join an online school as a middle school student. It’s very good. I taught at one for 5 years.

LoubyAnnoyed −  Ex was a teacher? Fantastic. She can do it when he’s with her. When he’s in your care, he can go to her house during the day, so she can teach him. You don’t get to pull a kid out of school without applying some resources.

Monday0987 −  NTA. Why can’t ex-wife tutor him full time given she doesn’t work?

Do you think the Reddit user’s request for a tutor was reasonable given her work commitments, or do you believe she should be more involved in her stepson’s education? How would you handle a similar situation in a blended family? Share your thoughts below!