AITA for telling my girlfriend to not be surprised if our daughter gets groomed?

Imagine a disagreement with your partner about whether to give your young child a smartphone, escalating into a heated argument about online safety and parental responsibility. That’s the tense situation facing OP, who is now questioning whether he was too harsh in his response to his girlfriend’s desire to buy their 8-year-old daughter a phone.

While OP understands the social pressures and desires associated with having a smartphone, he also recognizes the potential dangers and risks involved, particularly for a child of that age. His girlfriend’s dismissal of his concerns and her insistence on giving their daughter unrestricted access to the internet have led to a conflict, leaving OP wondering if he’s truly the a-hole in this situation.

Join us as we unpack this story of parenting disagreements, digital responsibility, and the challenges of balancing a child’s desire for freedom with the need to protect them from online harm.

‘AITA for telling my girlfriend to not be surprised if our daughter gets groomed?’

Since the beginning of last year my (25M) girlfriend (25F) has been bringing up the idea of getting our daughter (7F) a phone because she has been bugging her about how some of the kids at school have a phone, post on tiktok/instagram, etc. Now I have told her the amount of times she has brought this up, that I feel like it’s a bad idea because of pedophiles, her age, social media, etc.

To which either just dismisses me as being paranoid or brought up about how I had access to the internet at such an early age. I always told her that’s different and that I wanna make right by our kid, by not giving her a phone at her age and that if i were to ever give her one, it could only be to make phone calls to us or emergency services just in case shes ever in a situation which requires her a phone.

But five days ago is when everything came to a blow and I’ve just been wondering if I was the a**hole for what I had said. I was sitting on the couch watching some tv when my girlfriend came up to me and told me that she‘s been saving up some money and that this year was the perfect time to give her a phone as she’s turning eight.

I immediately shut it down and explained to her AGAIN, that it’s a bad idea, because of dodgy people on the internet, she might come across gor*, p*rn, be cyber bull**d, and all sorts of things, to which she snapped at me and said that I need to stop with the “f**king paranoia” and that nothing is going to happen to our daughter.

I snapped back at her and told her that if she wants to get her a phone then fine but to not be surprised if she finds out that our daughter is getting groomed. It’s been five days since that happened and she’s barely talked to me, AITA?

This situation highlights the growing concerns about children’s online safety and the challenges faced by parents in navigating the digital age. Dr. Nicholas Kardaras, a psychologist and author specializing in the impact of technology on children, emphasizes the importance of setting limits and protecting children from the potential harms of excessive screen time and unrestricted internet access.

He states, “Young children’s brains are still developing, and excessive exposure to technology can have negative consequences on their attention span, emotional regulation, and social skills. It’s crucial for parents to set healthy boundaries, limit screen time, and monitor online activity to protect children from potential harm.”

In this case, OP’s concerns about online predators, cyberbullying, and exposure to inappropriate content are valid and reflect a responsible approach to parenting in the digital age. Dr. Kardaras notes that “The internet can be a dangerous place for children, with risks ranging from online predators and cyberbullying to exposure to pornography and violent content. It’s essential for parents to be aware of these risks and take steps to protect their children, including setting limits on screen time, monitoring online activity, and having open conversations about online safety.”

Furthermore, the girlfriend’s dismissal of OP’s concerns and her desire to give their daughter unrestricted access to the internet suggest a potential lack of awareness or a disregard for the potential risks involved. Dr. Kardaras suggests that “Parents need to educate themselves about the potential harms of technology and make informed decisions about their children’s digital consumption.

It’s also important for parents to be united in their approach to online safety and to set clear boundaries and expectations for their children’s online behavior.” (Source: Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids-and How to Break the Trance)

Ultimately, the discussion brings to light the challenge of protecting our children in a world where technology evolves faster than our guidelines. The father’s stance serves as a cautionary reminder: while the allure of digital freedom is strong, safeguarding young minds from potentially harmful online experiences is a responsibility that must not be taken lightly.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit community has weighed in with a mix of humor and stern advice. Here are some popular reactions:
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These viewpoints, while varied, echo a common sentiment—an 8-year-old’s digital freedom should be managed carefully. Many agree that while technology can be a wonderful learning tool, it must be introduced with strict boundaries to protect vulnerable children from the darker corners of the internet.

Magdovus −  Tell her that even the social media companies admit that kids shouldn’t use their apps.

Fragile_reddit_mods −  NTA, an 8 year old does not need a mobile phone. Edit: disabling monitoring on the phone purely so she doesn’t seem controlling is f**king wild

[Reddit User] −  Get her a flip phone or a little phone that does a few things with no internet. NTA.

fairstrawberry6709 −  NTA. I’m a 911 operator and I get the calls from the parents when they find sickening s**t on their kids phone after trusting them too much and giving too much unsupervised digital freedom. Or worse I take the calls after the child has been s**ually assaulted or ran away or been abducted.

Seven year olds do not have the cognitive development to be responsible for online communication. Full stop. Any parent giving their child a cell phone and/or unrestricted access to social media is doing them a disservice and giving their child access to harm themselves.

Don’t even get me started on the older kids who get themselves into situations they do not understand by sending explicit pictures and then getting extorted by scammers and they unalive themselves. I’m talking 12, 13, 14 year old kids. It’s more common than you think.

Editing to add: if you are a parent to a middle school age or older kid – You need to have a conversation (or a couple) with your kid about social media, s**ting, nudes, and potential scams. Your kid needs to know they can come to you so they don’t resort to unaliving themselves if they make a stupid choice or get s**torted. It is really happening at an alarming rate.

thejackalreborn −   brought up about how I had access to the internet at such an early age. She must realise that this did end with loads of kids getting groomed? I think you’re right, an 8 year old shouldn’t be posting on Instagram and TikTok, I think this is obviously true. NTA.

mollyjwink −  “Im not like other moms im a cool mom!”

Capable_Box_8785 −  A 7 yr old does not need a phone. She wants a phone to be like everyone else. Her safety is more important than being cool and liked. NTA.

brotkehlchen −  NTA idk if that helps argument-wise but Tiktok and most other apps require that their users are at least 13, So even the apps themselves agree she is too young.

piehore −  Missing 12 year old girl found in Ohio with man she met online.

Bulky_Specialist9645 −  NTA. You’re not wrong, the Internet is a sewer.

This story encapsulates a modern parenting dilemma: balancing a child’s desire for normalcy with the imperative of keeping them safe in an increasingly digital world. The father’s bold warning might seem over the top to some, yet it strikes a chord for anyone who worries about the risks of early online exposure. What do you think—should parents enforce strict digital boundaries, or is some freedom essential for growth? Share your thoughts and join the conversation below.