AITA for telling my girlfriend that her p**bia is ridiculous and she needs treatment?

A Reddit user is grappling with his girlfriend’s extreme phobia of cold things. She avoids touching anything cold, including floors, door handles, and even cold food or drinks, which is significantly impacting her daily life. On one occasion, her fear led her to call in sick to work after not being able to access her slippers for hours.

The user, frustrated with how it’s affecting their lives, told her that her phobia was “ridiculous” and suggested therapy. This upset her, and she accused him of not taking her condition seriously. He’s now questioning whether he was too harsh. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my girlfriend that her p**bia is ridiculous and she needs treatment?’

My (20) girlfriend (21) has a very severe p**bia of cold things. We live in England, so this is an issue for like, half of the year. She refuses to touch anything that might be cold, including the floor with her feet in winter, door handles, walls, cold water, absolutely anything. She has to run a full bath of very hot water before she has a shower to ‘make sure the floor isn’t cold’.

She also will not eat cold food or drink cold drinks at any time of year. This means that she drinks almost entirely tea and coffee (with the occasional hot juice), meaning she’s always anxious because of the sheer volume of caffiene she takes in.

It’s winter in the UK right now, so her p**bia is in full swing. It’s getting ridiculous to see her refusing to do literally anything because she might have to touch something cold. On Thursday, she left her slipper boots on the other side of the bedroom (she had socks on, but took them off when she got in bed) so she called in sick to work and stayed in bed all day.

When I got back from work, (I work 8-4, she woke up at about 11, so she waited about 5 and a half hours) she was desperate for the toilet, really hungry, and distressed. Why didn’t she call someone to help her? Her phone was on the window ledge so it would be cold.

I told her that her this situation is “ridiculous”, and she needs to “get some therapy” because she can’t live like this, and it’s really impractical for her to literally not go to work because of this. It’s super annoying and I don’t know how she intends to get through life like this.

She was extremely upset and told me that I’m an a**hole for not taking her seriously, she said she realises this is ridiculous but she can’t help it. I told her she could help it if she tried to get some help. Just to add, she is okay going outside in the cold air, but as usual won’t touch anything cold.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

screwedforgp −  NTA. If this p**bia is affecting her ability to work, maintain social relationships, and even go to the toilet, she needs help. You sound very very patient here.

WebbieVanderquack −  NAH, but calling her p**bia “ridiculous” was insensitive, especially considering that’s virtually the definition of a p**bia (as opposed to a rational fear). It’s more than “super annoying,” it’s significantly disabling. Approach this like an illness, and not an annoying habit.

EDIT: To the people pointing out that this fear is “irrational” and therefore OP was simply telling the truth: a p**bia is by definition an irrational fear, and it’s not dishonest to be tactful, thoughtful and cautious about how you communicate with a profoundly distressed person about their condition.

And to the people calling me “judgmental:” This is a sub where we make judgments on the scenario described. We’re literally all doing it, even the people calling other people judgmental. I made a judgment because I was invited to. My judgment was “*no one’s an a**hole,*” which I don’t think is particularly harsh. I’m turning off replies because my inbox is filling up with people saying “but it *is* ridiculous!”

NotMe739 −  INFO – how did she call in sick to work if she couldn’t touch her phone to call for help?

Feroc −  NTA for telling her to get a treatment, YTA for telling her that it is ridiculous. If a p**bia influences your life so badly, then she really should seek help.

WalterBishRedLicrish −  INFO: is it a p**bia, or is it that cold= painful? I hate touching cold things too, but because it is painful. I have Hashimoto’s disease which makes me intolerant to cold. If there is some pain, she should have her thyroid levels checked.

heckyeashlee −  how did she call out of work?

floris_ass −  Yta for making a fake post

[Reddit User] −  NTA, you did take her seriously, that’s why you said she needs help.

imatuesdayperson −  NAH. Your girlfriend’s p**bia seems to be debilitating and I can see where you are coming from…thought I also understand how the way you worded it could have come across as unsympathetic and dismissive.

shesprague23 −  how did she call in sick to work if she couldn’t touch her phone?

Do you think the boyfriend was right to be frustrated with his girlfriend’s phobia, or was he too harsh in his response? How would you support a loved one who has a fear that seems illogical or impractical? Share your thoughts below!