AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to get a real job and she will never be a famous comedian?

A Reddit user shared his struggle supporting his girlfriend’s dream of becoming a comedian after she quit her stable job to pursue comedy full-time. Frustrated by her lack of income and contribution to their shared expenses, he asked her to consider returning to a full-time job.

When she dismissed the idea, he bluntly told her that becoming a famous comedian is unlikely and that she needs to “grow up.” His words led to a huge fallout, leaving him wondering if he was too harsh. Read on to see the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to get a real job and she will never be a famous comedian?’

31 M and my girlfriend is 28. Her and I have been together for 6 years and have been living together for the last 2. Going to attempt to keep this short so plz ask for details if I leave something out. GF has always enjoyed doing comedy and has done open mic nights since we’ve met shortly after college.

She had a real sales job though that was her Monday-Friday 9-5 job where she made decent money. I have a good but hard job and make almost triple what my gf was making when she had her job. I said *had* because last August she quit her job because it was taking away from her comedy ventures.

She told me a year from now she thinks she can really make it. I was a bit skeptical but since I make enough to support us, I encouraged her because I want to be a supportive boyfriend. Since she quit her job, she began doing Uber and DoorDash, which is where she makes 100% of her money.

Her comedy has gotten us zero dollars. Over the past few months I have started to resent her though. She constantly complains she has no money, yet drives for Uber or DD maybe 3 times a week for maybe 4 hours at a time. I have been paying a lot more for household expenses and I’m not saving as much as I’d like to anymore.

She sleeps til noon because sometimes her open mics run real late before she even gets to perform. And when she gets up she just bums around on tiktok and YouTube looking for “inspiration”. She also gets very moody with me if I don’t come to 90% of her open mic performances.

Even after working a 14 hour day she will get mad if I don’t go to her open mic at 11 PM on a Tuesday. Last night, I did the unthinkable. I asked her to consider going back to a full time job. I said she should still do her comedy but I’m struggling with taking care of our expenses all by myself.

When she gave a dismissive answer, I told her firmly that she will never be a famous comedian. I said she’s 28 and it’s time to grow the f**k up and join the real world because this is totally unfair to me that I bust my ass while she lives in La La land. And that she can’t be this naive at this age by thinking she’s going to support herself with this.

She stared at me in silence for a few minutes, started crying and went to stay with a friend. She called me a f**king d**khead a**hole and I’m the worst friend ever. She has not answered her phone today yet. So am I a f**king d**khead a**hole?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

applebum8807 −  ESH, *mostly her* Yes, she is clearly not putting in her fair share with work and bills and your frustration over having to handle most of the expenses while she pursues her comedy ventures is justified. But you really lost steam towards the end. While I realize you make some good points that message got warped when you completely blew up and demeaned her.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. The reality is people are flawed. You are frustrated taking care of a grown ass adult who is content freeloading off you while she sleeps til noon and barely works part time. So your anger boiled over and you said some harsh things. If she wants to be a comedian she can work a full time job and make her dream a side gig.

Just like she would have to do if she had to pay her own big girl bills. It’s been almost year. Time to grow up pay them bills. For me it’s not even an ultimatum. My partner would have to get a job that pays bills and 1/2 the rent or we would be done.

Mukduk_30 −  NTA, I dont care if I get down voted. While you need to have an adult conversation instead of yelling at her, my guess is you’re over it at this point. If she was a man and you a woman, people would be jumping on her for not “providing” but because she’s a woman she gets a pass to pursue what she wants without a thought to how to pay bills??

Guess what, women need to provide too. If I pursued my dreams full time at her age I’d be flat broke now. I had to take care of my responsibilities first. She’s walking a fine line relying on you financially when you’re not even married.

I would apologize for a blow up but also be real with her. What’s she going to do for money if you d**p her? She needs to wake up and get a job. She will have to do her open mic nights on the side of that. What else is there to do? You are NOT obligated to provide for her.

wandering_salad −  NTA – She had a vague “plan” of being able to live off of her art after giving it a full-time go for a year. That year is almost over and she’s not making any money from it. It also sounds like she’s not really doing as much as she could on this if she’s got a lot of time to play on her phone, etc.

She is bringing in some money in the gig economy but 12h a week of probably-minimum-wage is obviously nothing in comparison to a very time-consuming, hard, and well-paying job. You agreed to support her for a year. That year is almost over. Time for her to get a job again, one where she brings in a good amount so that she’s not just living off of your earnings.

ballzmcgee21 −  As a girl who took care of her boyfriend in the almost same scenario, but let it carry on for way way wayyyyyyyy too long, you are NTA. It is not your job to take care of both you and another human you did not birth, and it is not your job to cater to emotions because in the end, who’s catering to yours here? Care about yourself. You can love her, but she can love you too by being able to take care of herself while still exploring her passions.

deefop −  Nta, but this is reddit so a thousand under achievers are going to attack you for daring to suggest that a 28 year old adult needs to be working full time in order to pay the bills.

[Reddit User] −  ESH at absolute worst. And only because you were very blunt and not sensitive. I’m shocked by all the YTAs. She does need to grow the f**k up. It’s not fair to expect you to carry her. She’s not a child. Grown women carry families on their backs all the time.

Her feelings, time and dreams aren’t more important than yours. The cynical part of me wonders why the responses are so different from the occasional “I finally snapped and told my boyfriend he’ll never be a famous streamer and he needs to get a job” threads we get.

If she doesn’t want another job, she needs to work out how to get paid for this. If she currently makes zero dollars doing it, I agree with you that doesn’t sound like she’s going to make a career out of it. Some of these people commenting have never worked a 14 hour day and it shows.

Coming home after a relentless slog to someone who’s slept half the day, dabbled in a bit of light tik tok and then has further demands of labour from you, for their benefit, is soul crushing. It breeds resentment and even contempt. I get it. 

[Reddit User] −  NTA!!! So you go off on her one time and people crucify you for that but they don’t take into account the years of support. You are a lot nicer than I am because I would have already left her by now to be honest. She needs to grow up, get a job and she can pursue that in her downtime if she wants.

The fact that people expect others to treat bums with any sort of respect when they are mooching off of your kindness is ridiculous. I’ll get downvoted, but it seems that every time I see a post about a couple that has someone that is a b**, not pulling their fair share, and the other hits a boiling point and goes off its the end of the world lol.

“Oh but YTA because your words hurt her” give me a break! She literally does live in la la land like OP said. For years she had made 0 dollars…exactly how can she claim she’s close to making it? When she makes 1 dollar?

“Even after working a 14 hour day she will get mad if I don’t go to her open mic at 11 PM on a Tuesday” yea and YTA because of “words” but she expects you to not only work 14 hour days but go at night to her comedy routine that makes no money when you gotta get up the next day a support both of them? What planet are these people living in?

Ladyughsalot1 −  NTA . Hey – you should have had these conversations before you exploded but she’s being wildly e**itled. Look! I wanted to be a florist. I was great at it, and I had a business that flourished (lol).

I was booking like crazy. But- I had too much business than I could support. I literally couldn’t take the jobs that would pay out the most. Couldn’t afford staff. So I wasn’t making money. At all. . I was 26  We were saving for a house. We wanted to have kids soon.

I wanted a non-stressed partner and stability more than I wanted that particular dream. So I went back to a 9-5. . No regrets. Here’s the thing: would she be so committed if she was single? Would she happily rent a single room, living on ramen, if it meant she could do her gigs?

Or is it only when she’s got you covering her that she wants to go for this? Because something tells me, if her reality was the single rented room and ramen, she’d be going back to work and seeing comedy as a hobby. 

andromache97 −  ESH – what you said was really, really mean and over the top but your frustration is understandable. can’t come down on you too hard for snapping.

Do you think the boyfriend’s honesty was necessary to address the financial strain, or was he too blunt about her career goals? How would you balance supporting a partner’s dreams while managing realistic concerns about shared responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!