AITA for telling my gf that she should go back to work if she doesn’t want to take care of our baby?

A Reddit user shares a tense situation with his fiancée over childcare responsibilities. Despite having been deeply involved with their 5-month-old baby during his parental leave, his transition back to work has led to friction as his fiancée expects him to continue the same level of involvement, even during work hours.

As he struggles to balance his work demands and domestic responsibilities, he finally suggested that if she doesn’t want to manage most of the baby’s care during the day, she should consider returning to work.

This comment sparked further conflict, and now her family believes he isn’t doing enough. Read his story below to see how this unfolded.

‘ AITA for telling my gf that she should go back to work if she doesn’t want to take care of our baby?’

My fiancee 24F and I 28M welcomed a baby 5 months ago. My work offers 4 months paid parental leave and I added another month of PTO on it, give me 5 months to bond with the baby and help as much as I could.

We’ve also decided that she would stay home for a year and a half since we don’t want to send the baby to daycare so young. So for the time being, I’m paying for everything entirely… which is fine, I make more than enough. During the last 5 months, I have been completely invested in the baby.

She is not a night person, so at night I pretty much took care of him. She goes to bed around 9pm and I take care of him from that time to 5am. Doesn’t mean I stay up til 5, just means if he wakes up and needs something, I take care of it. At 5 am, she picks up the responsibility.

By 8-9 am, I would again pick up from her so she can sleep a little bit more. She loves her sleep. We did this for the whole 5 months I was. During the day we also shared the responsibility when I was off. I changed him, bathed him, and fed as much as she did.

At the same time, I made dinner every night, wash the dishes and even clean the house sometimes. She hates doing any of that stuff. We used to have a cleaning lady but I stopped paying for it since my bills are much more now.

I was ok with doing most of the work since I figured she just gave birth after a long pregnancy, it was my turn to put in some work. However, now I am back at work. But I feel like she still expects me to be doing everything still.

I work from home so it doesn’t feel like I have gone back to work and she expects the same level of involvement I had. We agreed that I would take care of the baby up to 3 now instead of 5, which is very late for me since I have to be up and running by 9.

She still expects me to cook lunch and dinner, do the dishes. What bothers me the most is that she also expects me to take of the baby during the day as much as she does. She will just come into my office and hands me the baby, saying it’s my turn.

Because I spend a lot of time at night with the baby, I think the baby prefers me to hold him when he’s sleepy, so she will just bring him to me when he’s fussy and wanting to sleep. This is making it hard for me to concentrate.

Tried telling that I can’t do everything I was doing before going back to work but her thing is that I can’t expect her to deal with him by herself for 8 hrs straight… mind you that’s the reason she’s staying home in the first place.

So I told her if she doesn’t want to take care of him during the day then she should go back to work and we can send the baby to daycare. But I can’t do all of it once:

Making the money, and at the same time cooking, cleaning and taking care of the baby. Now she is telling lies to her mom that I am not helping her enough with the baby. Am I the a**hole?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

aeroeagleAC −  NTA, she very much can take the baby for 8hrs and if she cannot then as you said time for daycare and her to go back to work.

Donjohn_Meister −  …shes tellling lies to her mom… …Am i the a**hole? Grow a backbone dude; if she has to lie to her mother to get validation its pretty obvious whos in the wrong, no?

judgingA-holes −  NTA – You should have never had a baby with this woman, but hindsight is 20/20.. She loves her sleep. Well, don’t we all, but we all also have to take care of our responsibilities. I mean she really thought she was going to be able to sleep 10 – 12 hours a day after having a baby?

She can’t deal with her own baby for 8 hours a day? That’s just pathetic. You have a job that is sustaining your guys livelihood, WFH is still supposed to be working not taking care of a baby.

And honestly, as the one who has the job that is supporting the family, you shouldn’t be on duty until 3am. If lunch is for both of you then she should be preparing as you should be working. You are completely justified in saying that if she doesn’t want to take care of him then she needs to go back to work.

JuliaX1984 −  Why would someone who loves her sleep want to have a baby?

Smart-Caterpillar696 −  NTA- she should go back to work. What’s next? A nanny for the daytime?

PatentlyRidiculous −  NTA. Do not marry this woman

skorvia −  NTA – She’s just being a burden, does she have PPD? It’s very strange what she’s doing, it’s like she doesn’t want to be a mother, I think she needs to see a specialist and if she’s just being s**fish and not changing, under no circumstances should she continue in the relationship.

Ok-CANACHK −  Y’all this isn’t PPD… “…I made dinner every night, wash the dishes and even clean the house sometimes. She hates doing any of that stuff. We used to have a cleaning lady but I stopped paying for it since my bills are much more now.”. she’s lazy

Tea_Time9665 −  Bro ur a fking i**ot. NTA. But you the i**ot. Why would u have a kid with her. And even want to marry her. She doesn’t cook clean or dishes…. She hates it??? I hate working to make money. Can I just quit?

Look. If she is the stay at home it’s her responsibility to do all the house stuff and u can assist her. Not the other way around. Ur wife is just a lazy pos and a bad mother. I was a stay at home and alternated with my wife. Ur not working then it’s ur job to care for the house stuff.

EntertainmentDry3790 −  NTA, tell her mother the truth as well

Do you think the Redditor’s response was fair, given his responsibilities, or was it too harsh for his fiancée? How would you navigate a similar situation balancing work and parenting demands? Share your thoughts below!