AITA for telling my friends that it’s not my problem they can’t afford things?

A 33-year-old man (M) has been friends with a group since high school. While most of his friends chose jobs in trades or part-time work, he went to university, worked hard, and secured a high-paying job. He recently bought a new home, and during a visit, his friends made comments about his wealth, calling him lucky.

Feeling frustrated, he snapped and told them it was their fault they struggled due to their lack of effort. Some friends left angrily, and now he’s wondering if he should apologize to keep the peace. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my friends that it’s not my problem they can’t afford things?’

I (33M – Australia) and my group of friends have been friends since high school. Once we graduated, many of my friends opted to skip a further education to instead work a job in the trade, or dropped out and work in a warehouse/factory.

Some still don’t have full time jobs and just job hop between part time work. Nothing against those jobs, but they were looking for an easy living and didn’t want to spend more time in school. I opted to go through university, while at the same time, I got lucky enough to work in the industry I was studying in.

This helped me get a head-start in my career so when i graduated, I already had more experience than the average graduate. It also meant I was waking up at 5am every day for work and then going to university after, and getting home 9-10pm everyday.

Once I graduated and started working, I got a well paying job (80K annually). This was immediately more than what all my friends were earning, and I immediately started hearing how I “just got lucky with the job”, completely ignoring the years of hard work I had already put in.

Young me was just proud to show off my hard work to my friends so I made the mistake of telling them my wage. Over the years the comments died down, so I wasnt bothered by them too much anymore. Fast forward to last week, I had my friends over to my newly built home.

As of today, I am single, no children or pets, and have drastically increased my wage (while also getting new certifications to keep up with my industry). I’m able to afford a lot of things without struggling, and i do consider myself fortunate.

This was the first time my friends had seen the new house, and the comments started up again, how I’m able to afford a big new house, how I’m lucky, how all I do is sit around all day and get paid lots and so on and so forth. I wanted to show my new achievement of the house off but it made me sour.

The comments wouldnt stop so i snapped, telling them its not my fault they were too lazy to try and make anything of themselves and if they put in any level of effort, they wouldnt have to struggle to go out or buy things for themselves, or keep working low paying jobs.

Even to this day im still working and studying to get ahead, but theyve all barely changed jobs in the 10+ years. A couple of my friends left because they were angry, a few others stayed around and understood (they weren’t making the comments).

Things have been quiet in group chats and plans for Christmas and NYE are up in the air. I’m thinking of apologising to keep the peace, but one of my friends is suggesting I wait to see if they apologise.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Sassypants2306 −  NTA, but you handled yourself poorly. You should not have made any of the comment about them or their life choices. You should have responded with something like. “Hey man, you know I also worked my ass off studying and getting good at doing my job yeah?

Please don’t discredit all my hard work and putting it purely on luck yeah? Kind of hurtful much?” They would have floundered then…. as there’s no way out of them looking like an asshat, and you gave them nothing to complain about in turn.

Icy_Strawberry7347 −  ESH. Yeah, you worked hard and your friends should’ve been proud of you, but trade jobs are hard working too, and like you said, you have no spouse or children, which means life is cheaper for you.

Your friends might enjoy their jobs and you’re looking down on them. Get the stick out of your b**t and apologize, and maybe then they’ll say sorry for saying you don’t work as much

Apart-One4133 −  You put in work yes, but you still got lucky. My wife went to university and studied much more than me. I never finished my high school. I always made more than her, I got lucky, she didn’t.  Most of us all put in a lot of work into what we do. We all need a bit of luck to get trough.

A lot of people work hard their entire life, harder than most, and are still poor. Just wanted to leave you on that note. Did your friends also work hard at their jobs ? Why isn’t their hard work recognized by you ?

If they barely changed jobs in the past 10 yrs, doesn’t that mean they work hard at their job and they’re good at it ?  I think YTA yes for snapping. If you make tremendously more cash than your friend and you want to show off your belongings, then expect such comment. 

Internal-Arm8459 −  YTA what kinda comments did you expect. I think you’re still lucky you got where you are, making comments about how they’re so much poorer then you because they’re lazy is just so out of line

Impossible-Reason987 −  YTA, you acted like a d**k to your friends.

Dukklings −  Wow. You invited them to your house to show it off, they were impressed , called you lucky and you insulted them and called them “too lazy to make anything of themselves” ?? Things aren’t as simple as ” Get a job! Work hard.” Everything in this post screams ostentatious and arrogant.

You are definitely in the wrong here. Keep up that kind of attitude and the best possible outcome will be you ending up alone with all your stuff and all your money because you wouldn’t stop being insufferable.

DomPerignonRose −  YTA. How do you know some haven’t done anything to get ahead. For all you know those tradie friends are probably getting their builders licence.

You come across, especially in your comments, as thinking you’re superior for going to uni. Stop being a s**b. By the way, I don’t know any tradie that will get out of bed for less than $100 per hour.

RachSlixi −  ESH. You the bigger. Your friends shoudln’t have rained on your parade or suggested that you don’t work hard. You shouldn’t be dissing them either. It sounds like you think everyone who isn’t in your position is just lazy.

There are a lot of people who busted their arse at university and couldn’t get a decent paying job in their field. You did get lucky in that because of the managing to get work in the industry when you were in uni. Just getting that is huge.

And others who for other reasons couldn’t and/or can’t go back to study later. People aren’t poor just because they are lazy. I also think it is a bit out of tune to make a big deal of your purchase with the current state of the housing market.

I’m doing really well when it comes to property but I share that good fortune with those in a similar position because I don’t make a big deal of it in front of those who are not. I’m sensitive to the fact many are struggling with rising rents or feel they will never be able to get into the housing market.

[Reddit User] −  I’m going to YTA mainly because your replies make you sound like a s**b who thinks you’re better than your friends just because you went to uni and got a degree and they didn’t. Also, how can you say trade jobs aren’t hard? Depending on the trade they can be some of the most physically challenging to do.

Whimsy-chan −  I think ESH but you were an AH for the delivery. It’s not your problem but you need to acknowledge there is alot of privilege that goes into being able to go to uni even in Australia that not everyone has.

You also acknowledge in your post you did have a little bit of luck at the start of your career which helped you build a solid foundation. I graduated the year after the GFC hit,

I was just lucky to get a job in my field straight away when people who graduated with me and with better grades worked customer service or warehouse jobs while looking for jobs in our field of study for 2-3yrs, some gave up and changed career paths.

I look at all the kids I went to high school with and I can say I’m comparatively well off. Some kids in high school didn’t come from families able to offer any financial support, some had family troubles and their goal was simply to leave home as early as possible,

some didn’t have high enough ATARs and came from families that didn’t value studying. There are plenty of well off tradies but there is abit of luck in this as well in terms of getting solid experiences, good mentors, and better opportunities same as any job you go to uni for.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below!