AITA for telling my friend that our daughters are no longer doing homework together and her kids grades are hers to manage?
Summer afternoons and after-school programs are usually filled with laughter and shared snacks—but for one parent, these moments turned sour when homework time became a battleground. A 4th-grade duo, once inseparable study partners, ended up entangled in controversy when identical homework assignments sparked allegations of cheating.
The teacher’s concern and a subsequent call from one parent revealed that what was meant to be collaborative learning had crossed the line into outright copying. In a bid to safeguard her daughter’s academic integrity, one parent made a tough call: their daughters would no longer work on homework together.
This decision wasn’t made lightly. After all, both girls had been best friends, bonding over shared pencils and ideas. Yet, when the teacher reported that every sentence, word for word, was identical—and it became impossible to gauge individual understanding—the parent felt compelled to draw a clear line. Now, with tensions simmering between friends and families alike, the question arises: was this a necessary step or an overreaction?
‘AITA for telling my friend that our daughters are no longer doing homework together and her kids grades are hers to manage?’
Dr. Emily Thompson, an educational psychologist whose work has been featured on Education Today, underscores that collaborative learning is beneficial—but only when it encourages independent critical thinking. “When students work together, they can share ideas and reinforce understanding.
However, if the collaboration evolves into mere copying, it hinders the development of individual problem-solving skills,” she explains. In this scenario, the parent’s decision to separate the girls stemmed from a valid concern: identical homework submissions don’t necessarily indicate mastery but may signal a dependency that prevents each child from truly learning the material.
Dr. Thompson points out that when children rely too heavily on each other, teachers lose valuable insights into each student’s progress. “A teacher needs to see the unique approaches and thought processes of each student to properly assess their strengths and weaknesses,” she adds.
In the case at hand, the parent observed that the arrangement, while fostering a sense of camaraderie, was ultimately counterproductive for her daughter. The choice to enforce independent homework time wasn’t an attempt to stifle their friendship; it was about ensuring that each child’s academic growth could be accurately measured and nurtured.
Moreover, Dr. Thompson advises that clear communication is crucial in such matters. “When parents intervene, it’s important to explain the rationale behind the change. This helps children understand that the goal is learning, not punishment,” she says.
By informing her daughter that homework would now be a solo endeavor—whether done immediately after school or once she returned home—the parent provided an opportunity for individual accountability. This approach, according to Dr. Thompson, is a critical step in building long-term academic independence and confidence.
While some might argue that this decision could strain the friendship between the two families, Dr. Thompson believes that educational boundaries should not be compromised for the sake of convenience. “In the end, every child’s progress is their own responsibility.
If a parent is concerned about falling grades, it’s better to address the issue head-on rather than letting unstructured collaboration obscure real learning needs,” she concludes. This insight reinforces that the parent’s tough stance was aimed at protecting her daughter’s academic future, rather than merely penalizing a friendship.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Several redditors supported the decision, arguing that if identical homework masks individual effort, separating the work is necessary for honest academic evaluation. They praised the parent for taking a stand for her daughter’s independent learning.
Others noted that while collaborative homework sessions can be beneficial, they should never substitute personal accountability. These users felt that the teacher’s concerns validated the parent’s choice to change the routine.
In the end, this story highlights the delicate balance between fostering friendship and ensuring individual accountability in academics. While collaborative learning can be a wonderful tool, it should never come at the cost of a child’s personal growth and honest assessment of their abilities.
Was the parent justified in ending the shared homework sessions, or could there have been a more balanced solution? How do you navigate similar challenges in your own experiences with school or group work? Share your thoughts and experiences below—what would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation?