AITA for telling my friend not to come if she’s bringing her kid?
Birthdays can be a blast—especially when they’re designed as a childfree escape with good friends, great food, and a side of mischief. In this story, the birthday host, who’s well into her thirties and well-aware of the challenges of parenthood, planned a night out in a private room at a restaurant.
With a babysitter lined up for her own three-year-old, she envisioned an evening of laughs, cocktails, and carefree adult conversations. However, when her friend Missy mentioned bringing her rambunctious five-year-old daughter along, the plans took an unexpected turn.
The host quickly realized that an adult-only celebration might not mix well with an energetic child in a bar setting. Despite offering a solution by paying extra for babysitting, Missy declined—preferring daycare to a new, unknown sitter. Faced with a potential disruption, the host decided to set clear boundaries: either come kid-free or skip the event altogether. The fallout from this decision has ignited a debate about the balance between inclusivity and maintaining the intended vibe for a special night.
‘AITA for telling my friend not to come if she’s bringing her kid?’
Before we delve into the nuances of this debate, here’s a look at the original Reddit post that set the stage for the discussion:
Events that are specifically designed for adults often require clear communication about expectations, especially when it comes to childcare. Dr. Leslie Harmon, a social dynamics expert, notes, “When planning an event, it’s essential to ensure that all guests understand the intended atmosphere.
If an event is meant for adults, it’s fair to ask that children not be brought along—provided this is communicated respectfully ahead of time.” This insight highlights that the host’s request was less about exclusion and more about preserving the nature of the gathering.
Moreover, family therapist Dr. Maria Sanchez explains, “Parents sometimes feel caught between their responsibilities and their desire for adult interaction. It’s important for everyone to recognize that planning for an adult-only event is a legitimate choice, and clear boundaries can prevent misunderstandings.”
In this scenario, the host’s offer to pay for extra babysitting was a generous attempt to accommodate Missy’s situation, but ultimately, it wasn’t enough to align with the expectations for the night. This situation serves as a reminder that sometimes, even well-intended gestures can’t bridge fundamental differences in how one views social events.
Check out how the community responded:
Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—raw, candid, and laced with humor.
The consensus is clear: the host is not the asshole. Many agree that an adult-only birthday event should have clearly defined rules, and if a guest can’t adapt to those, it’s reasonable for them to miss out. Some commenters pointed out that the offer to cover babysitting costs was generous, but if it wasn’t enough for Missy to change her mind, then the decision to enforce the rules stands. Others emphasized that choosing to attend such events often comes with the understanding that children might not be welcome, especially in a setting designed for adult interaction.
In the end, this story isn’t just about a disagreement over a child at a party—it’s about the delicate balance between hospitality, expectations, and the diverse needs of friends. The host’s firm stance was aimed at preserving the planned vibe of her birthday celebration, while Missy’s decision highlights the challenges parents face when trying to juggle social expectations and childcare.
What do you think? Is it fair to enforce a childfree rule at an event, or should there be more flexibility for parents? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s spark a conversation about how best to navigate these social dilemmas in our busy, modern lives.