AITA for telling my friend I didn’t know she cared about their health that much?

A man (28M) offered his friend Jen (27F) tap water after moving into a new apartment. Jen, who prefers bottled water, expressed concern about tap water being unhealthy.

In response, he commented that he didn’t realize she cared so much about health, referencing her weight gain and recent diagnosis of type 2 diabetes. This led to an argument where Jen accused him of being fatphobic, leaving him questioning if he was wrong for making that comment. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my friend I didn’t know she cared about their health that much?’

I (male 28) have been friends with Jen (female 27) for over 10 years. For a bit of background over the last 8 years Jen has been gaining weight and for the past 4 has been morbidly obese. We are no longer able to do a lot of the things we used to do.

Concert venues she can no longer fit in the chairs, hiking, going to the farmers market, kayaking etc. through all of it we’ve adjusted to accommodate what Jen can do. A few months ago I moved into a new apartment and got the water tested for heavy metals, nitrate, bacteria, and fluoride through my states health department.

Everything came back clear so I’ve been drinking the water because I don’t want to waste single use plastic bottles if I can avoid it. Jen came over for the first time this week and I offer her some water and she says “you’re not getting that from the tap are you?”.

I explain the tests I had done on it so it’s safe and she says it’s not healthy to drink tap water and she can only drink bottled water. I said I didn’t realize she cared about her health that much.

She asked what’s that supposed to mean and I said the past few years I’ve noticed a change in her habits and am concerned she’s going to have more health problems that will one day take her life.

I thought when she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes it might be a wake up call to change her eating and exercise habits but instead she’s focusing on tap water?

She said I was treating her different for gaining weight and that their was nothing wrong about her eating and I was just being f**phobic. AITA for telling my friend I didn’t realize she cared about her health that much?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Shitsuri −  YTA. I just think it was an unnecessary and rude escalation, although you obviously have wanted to talk about it for a while

Empty_Wasabi_5761 −  “I didn’t realize you cared about your health so much” oooof That sounds like something my grandma would say to a fat person. Such a rude sassy passive aggressive way to talk to a “friend”. You sound like you could be in a real housewives franchise with all that shade lmao. YTA shade queen 💅🏽

SnooBunnies7461 −  YTA. This has been building for a while and instead of addressing it as you were going along you basically fat shamed her over tap water. I could have just said you didn’t have any bottled water and called it a day. Nope you had to make a point that didn’t need to be made.

Active-Anteater1884 −  YTA. If you truly cared about her health, you had 10 million opportunities before this to gently address the situation. You’re pissed off because she doesn’t want your tap water.

EmpressJainaSolo −  ESH. You both were being judgmental here. She shouldn’t judge you for using the tap. You shouldn’t have used this opportunity to unleash all your feelings about your friend’s weight gain. There were ways to express worry and concern over your friend’s decreasing mobility and her diabetes diagnosis. This wasn’t it.

deefop −  NTA, but reddit ain’t gonna be on your side for this one. There has been an almost unending string hilariously bad risk assessment skills on display since… 2020? The idea that a morbidly obese person with type 2 diabetes is worried about drinking tap water is indeed laughable.

Honestly, you might have said something before now, but don’t kid yourself – she probably would have called you f**phobic anyway.

Jackiemom121 −  YTA. Tap water has nothing to do with her body size. If you wanted to have a conversation about her weight, why not do it in a kind way? Totally unnecessary to be n**ty and snarky.

NumbersOverFeelings −  I find the y.ta’s funny. It’s like a pack-a-day smoker insisting on eating organic grapes at my house. Also bottled is bad for the environment. NTA.

Never_Fading −  Yta Diabetes can cause weight gain. Taking insulin can cause weight gain. Any number of other medications can cause weight gain. Contrary to popular belief, weight isn’t a totally reliable indicator of health.

Her blood work can all be great and she can be getting the amount of exercise recommended by her doctor, and she can still be fat. Don’t pretend you know her relationship with her health just because you can see how big she’s gotten.

honestly2done −  NTA, you wanna dish some dumb s**t about tap water not being healthy while being 350 pounds you’re gonna hear it from me too. Like it’s a genuine question, I didn’t know you cared that much about those matters, maybe I can help you manage that weight a little better

Was his comment justified or unnecessarily harsh? Should he have expressed his concerns differently? Share your thoughts below!