AITA for telling my fiance I don’t want to have an Indian wedding?

A Reddit user shared their story about a disagreement with their fiancé regarding their wedding. Being half-Indian and half-white, the user has always wanted a traditional American wedding, but their fiancé, fascinated with Indian culture, is set on having a traditional Indian ceremony.

Despite their efforts to explain, the conversation turned emotional, leaving the user confused about the deeper reasons behind his reaction. To find out more about their story and the responses it has sparked, read the full post below…

‘ AITA for telling my fiance I don’t want to have an Indian wedding?’

For clarification I(25F) am half Indian, half white and my fiance(28M) is fully white. I personally have never been all that in touch with my culture and don’t really care to.

I love my Indian side of the family with all my heart and have partaken in a few traditional Indian weddings and worn traditional Indian clothes many times but that’s about it. I was born and grew up here in America I know I’m pretty whitewashed.

When I first met my fiance back in college, he’d never even heard of or eaten butter chicken in his life. What I’m saying is he knew nothing of Indian culture. But after a while of dating and meeting my grandparents who were very immersed in the culture, my fiance became infatuated with it.

He soon took to the internet and even having in depth conversations with my grandparents about Indian culture and their life in India. I thought it was pretty sweet and even cute that they were bonding like this, my grandparents seemed to genuinely adore him because of it.

Over the years his o**ession grew and he started buying an assortment of things like kurtas and other clothing, ganesha statues, and books relating to life in india. Again it didn’t bother me at all(even though many of friends have told me that he’s romanticizing my culture but I disagree).

Now though, we’re recently engaged and he has his heart set on a traditional Indian wedding. I hate the very idea as I’ve always dreamed of having a very American wedding and I’ve told him that since basically the beginning of our relationship which he has never objected to.

When I told him I didn’t want an Indian wedding he got pretty upset and demanded to know why. I simply told him why for the reasons listed above but that answer wasn’t good enough for him and he again asked why.

I thought it was weird that he was getting so emotional over this and even thought I was lying. I just repeated my reasonings he got so mad he stormed off. I’m open to more discussion about it but I can’t help but feel like he upset about something else but I can’t imagine what.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

I_wanna_be_anemone −  It sounds like he’s making your cultural heritage his whole identity, that’s a massive red flag OP. NTA

_s1m0n_s3z −   When I told him I didn’t want an Indian wedding he got pretty upset and demanded to know why. I simply told him why for the reasons listed above but that answer wasn’t good enough for him and he again asked why. Refuse to litigate your decision.

The answer is that you don’t want one because you don’t want one. He certainly can’t tell you *why* he wants an Indian wedding. It’s not his culture, so he’d simply be indulging an exotic fantasy. You’re not interested in having your wedding turned into such a thing. It’s your wedding, not a stunt or an exotic vacation.

Dunno2128 −  It seems to me he is more in love with Indian culture than he is with you.

Easy-Teacher-2660 −  Sounds like he’s become oddly obsessed with it, almost in a fetish type of way.

CatJarmansPants −  This is grim, but your ‘Indianness’ is his kink. If you had Carribbean heritage, he’d be wearing Dreadlocks. He’s not ‘trying to honour your culture’ because it’s pretty obviously *not* your culture – it might be your grandparents culture, or the other women down the street who had an Indian wedding – but it’s not yours.

And what’s the thing that connects all those people?. Skin colour. He’s saying that because you have a certain skin colour/heritage, you should do X, Y, or Z – and that you as an *individual* with the choice to do A, B, or C, don’t really exist, you exist to perpetuate ‘your’ culture, or more accurately, the culture *he* thinks you should have.

You’re either a fetish to him, or he’s properly unhinged. I’m not sure which of those is worse… It’s not about the particulars of a wedding.

Emiliodash88 −  NTAh but your friends are right he is romanticizing your culture

AdVarious5359 −  Well, as an American born Indian, who is definitely judging how whitewashed you are, I still think you are NTA. It’s your wedding, and you have the right to choose whatever makes you happy. How about just doing one small ceremony,

like a sangeet or a haldi ceremony to find a happy middle ground? That way your main big wedding ceremony (that you invite lots of people to) is still American, but you can also make him feel better by doing a small haldi or something with him that just involves immediate family and a small number of people.

Make it more intimate. That way it doesn’t have to be a big thing. There’s definitely room to compromise here while still having your big day. But all in all, NTA.

winterworld561 −  Sorry op, this guy is a walking red flag. His correct response should have been understanding and respecting your decision because he wants you to be happy and follow your dreams. Instead he demanded answers, accused you of lying and stormed off in a strop. He’s being an a**hole.

WoodlandElf90 −  NTA. From a white woman whose partner is from India, stand your ground. The wedding day belongs to you as well, and he shouldn’t have to force an Indian wedding on you. My partner and I respect each other’s traditions, as long as the person whose tradition belongs to is OK with it.

What we don’t do is try to romanticise each other’s backgrounds, because that’s not the reason we got together. We got together because we loved each other, not because we had fetishes for the other’s cultural background.

You don’t want the wedding, as simple as that. It should be your call, as it’s your culture. He can respect and love the culture, but it becomes a problem when he tries to shove certain aspects down your throat. Is he marrying you or your culture?