AITA for telling my fiancé his cousin’s girlfriend is not welcome in our new home?

A Redditor is facing tension with her fiancé after setting a boundary that his cousin’s controlling and disrespectful girlfriend is not welcome in their new home. While she’s fine with the cousin visiting, her decision has caused a rift between her and her fiancé. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my fiancé his cousin’s girlfriend is not welcome in our new home?’

I (26F) have been with my fiancé (M27) for 5 years. Early in our relationship, he and his cousin, Steve (M30) purchased a house together as co-owners. My fiancé’s sister and their other cousin also lived there for a while. Everything was fine until two years later, when Steve started dating a woman who quietly moved into the house after only four months of dating. This upset everyone since it wasn’t discussed with the household.

She doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school, and doesn’t contribute financially. She spends her days reorganizing the house while constantly on the phone with Steve. She’s extremely controlling—she goes through his phone, sits in on all his calls, and ensures he is always with her or talking to her. He’s never alone, even at work or in the car.

At first, she seemed sweet, and the family liked her. But over time, she began subtly isolating Steve from everyone. She convinced him to have my fiancé’s sister and their cousin move out, leaving just her, Steve, and my fiancé in the house. She made my fiancé feel unwelcome in his own home, and now she plans to have her brother move into Steve’s house—after Steve to removed his own family.

Her passive-aggressive behavior is exhausting. She labels communal items like salt with her name so no one else can use them, reorganizes shared spaces filled with things that aren’t hers, and ignores me completely when I come over. When Steve isn’t home, she hides in her room and acts cold and dismissive. She is a completely different person when he is not around and it’s clear these are her true colors.

Some family members have voiced concerns about her controlling behavior to Steve, but he insists he loves her and turns a blind eye. While she’s the instigator, I don’t think Steve is completely innocent—he’s allowing this behavior.

Recently, she convinced Steve to buy my fiancé out of the house, so we’re moving out in a week. I’m relieved, but here’s my issue: I’ve told my fiancé I don’t want her in our new home. I’m fine with Steve visiting, but I don’t want her there. If she couldn’t show us basic respect while living in a house my fiancé co owned, I refuse to let her treat us poorly in our space now.

I don’t want to stir the pot or cause drama, but I also refuse to let my boundaries be disrespected or normalize the way she’s treated us. My fiancé is torn because he wants to maintain his relationship with Steve, but I feel strongly about this boundary. AITA for saying I don’t want Steve’s girlfriend in our home? TLDR: my fiancés cousin has a girlfriend that is controlling and rude to me, and I don’t want her in my new house.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

chooseausernameplse −  NTA. If fiance cannot do this one thing for you, concerning what will be your home/safe space, get into pre-marital therapy asap. Why is his cousin and the GF a priority over the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with? IF it’s the old bs “family” excuse, you got big problems in your future. Figure it out before you are in any deeper.

ColdstreamCapple −  NTA. However I think you need to be careful here OP…..The moment your fiance moves out she’s going to find a reason to burn that friendship and isolate him from everyone.

Unfortunately Steve may be so lovestruck he doesn’t see what’s happening OR he may be living in fear scared about upsetting her….i know this because this happened to a friend of mine….It took him 15 years to find the courage to leave her and by then she’d burnt off every relationship and friendship she didn’t approve of and he then had to rebuild all those friendships and trust

I think you need to subtly signal to Steve that you are a safe place if he ever needs to talk and if your fiance has witnessed anything untoward then he needs to document it for future evidence. It’s perfectly reasonable though to make it clear that she’s not welcome in your home

Apart-Ad-6518 −  NTA. But over time, she began subtly isolating Steve from everyone. She made my fiancé feel unwelcome in his own home She’s extremely controlling—she goes through his phone, sits in on all his calls,. She’s a whole forest of red flags.

I don’t want to stir the pot or cause drama, but I also refuse to let my boundaries be disrespected or *normalize the way she’s treated us*. Rightly. Hold it as a hard boundary. Your fiance needs to fully have your back here. She’ll probably stop Steve coming on his own which is a shame because I think he needs all the friends he can get. That isn’t on you though. No way should you have her in *your* space after the way she’s behaved.. All the best!

nolaz −  Your feelings are valid but it’s your fiancé’s home too — and it sounds like he’s putting more in financially than you are. Plus you’ll allow her to flip the script and paint you as the one who is controlling and isolating your partner. A better approach would be to allow fiancé to invite her over but agree up front on what behavior from her is and isn’t acceptable and how you’ll respond to unacceptable behavior.

Then enjoy dropping the hammer. “Nadine, when you are a guest in someone’s home, it’s common courtesy to greet your hostess.” “Nadine is things here aren’t to your liking we can respect that and wouldn’t dream of expecting you to stay. Here, let me walk you to the door.” Having her in your home doesn’t mean accepting mistreatment in your home.

stroppo −  NTA, but you have to know that refusing the girlfriend to visit is certainly going to “stir the pot.” Especially considering how possessive she is. And how will this play out if she remains in Steve’s life? When you get together w/them at other occasions (like at their house) there is bound to be tension. Not saying you shouldn’t set boundaries, but it sounds like you can expect pushback from the girlfriend.

houseonpost −  I wouldn’t say anything to anyone about banning someone until the sale is signed, sealed and delivered. But really you and your fiancee need to come up with a compromise. Perhaps don’t invite them over for a few months and he can get together with Steve at Steve’s house or at a bar or restaurant. In a few months you may not actually see Steve’s gf much.

bronwyn19594236 −  My heart aches for Steve. He’s being abused intellectually, emotionally and financially (just based on this thread). Makes me worry about his physical condition. I know, I know, this story is about not wanting Steve’s fiancé in your home, and this is probably correct. But, for Steve’s sake, please keep communicating with him.

He may need a life line in the future. I am worried she may force him to marry her or she’ll get pregnant. He will have even less options. I would make sure Steve has a burner phone at his workplace, in case he needs to get out of situation. This story scares me for him. Really sad.

cravnraven −  NTA. Steve sounds like he needs help getting out of that relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to put your own sanity and well being on the line.

Catbunny −  NTA, however. she began subtly isolating Steve from everyone. She’s extremely controlling. If you do not allow her over, he will likely not be allowed over. This would isolate him more. If you do plan to go down this route, just be aware.

Open_Significance199 −  NTA. This woman is controlling and disrespectful. You’re not banning Steve, just setting a boundary with someone who mistreated you in your own home. That’s reasonable.

Do you think the Redditor is right to set this boundary, or is it unfair to exclude someone her fiancé’s cousin loves? How would you handle a controlling and rude guest in your home? Share your thoughts below!