AITA for telling my father “we’ll catch the next one” when he invited me to his wedding?

The user’s father, who has been married multiple times, invited them to his wedding but excluded their boyfriend (who is transgender) from the invite. The user noticed that their siblings were given plus-ones for their long-term partners, so when their father asked if the user would attend, they replied, “we’ll catch the next one.”

This led to tension, especially with their father’s fiancée, who was upset by the response. The user’s family is divided on whether they were right to stand up for their boyfriend, but some feel it was an inappropriate response.

‘ AITA for telling my father “we’ll catch the next one” when he invited me to his wedding?’

He’s been married 4 times now, and this wedding will be his fifth in the span of 30 years. I don’t know how he has such a high turnover rate but I’m guessing it’s to do with him being both rich and a raging narcissist. He invited me to get coffee and introduced me to his new fiancee.

I knew he was going to do this because two of my brothers (there are 7 of us total, none have the same mother) said that they had just gotten coffee with dad and met the fiancee, then been invited to the wedding, and both had been given a plus one for their girlfriends of 8 and 10 months respectively.

Dad told me to bring my “partner” when I came for coffee and I brought my (trans) boyfriend along. We have been together for 3 years. The fiancee seemed nice, wanting to know about me and my boyfriend and asking questions that sounded like she actually gave a s**t.

Dad gets all the details of the engagement/wedding out of the way and then asks me, and only me, if I’ll be there. I notice that he was talking to just me, not my boyfriend, so I say “*we* will check if *we’re* free”. Dad replies that “this is family only” .I reply, “I just assumed, seeing as how the other siblings got plus ones”.

Dad says “that’s different. Are you coming?”. I say “we’ll catch the next one”. Dad’s fiancee becomes visibly upset and they leave. Dad texts me after that if I can be civil on the day then I can still come alone. I felt like I had to stick up for my boyfriend because this was definitely due to him being transgender,

and he thanked me at the time but told me that I should probably still go, but after reporting back to my siblings to say what had happened I got mixed responses. The overall opinion was that while I absolutely should stick up for my boyfriend this was some hill to die on and I managed to catch the actually nice fiancee in the crossfire and upset dad, too.. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

milkbeamgalaxia −  NTA. You stood up for your boyfriend. As unfortunate as it is that the fiancée was caught in the crossfire, she didn’t oppose her soon to be husband’s views, so.

SarahFree339 −  NTA, I think it was the best thing you could’ve done in the situation, especially with the way your dad is. It’s a shame that his fiance may have gotten her feelings hurt, but she’ll have bigger problems to worry about in a few months when she’s sorting through a divorce. I’m sorry that your dad can’t be more accepting.

Substantial_Papaya −  NTA, good for you. I hope your boyfriend’s okay. Maybe reach out to your dad’s fiancée about the situation too so that she at least knows it’s not about her but instead how your dad was acting.

relevantinterests −  NTA. And for the record “my partner is a human and deserves respect” is not a weird hill to die on

LadyTherion −  NTA because he invited your partner to coffee to make sure to avoid inviting both of you to the wedding. If he had invited you alone or spoken to you privately first, you could have discussed it without hurting anyone’s feelings.

Honestly, I thought it was clever even if it was mean. His new fiancee can’t be that offended when she’s number 8 at a minimum for marriage and/or children. I get it if she’s number 2 or possibly even three, but maybe she needed this wake up to reality.

GertieGuss −  NTA. He invited you and your partner to meet up, and then only invited you to the wedding? That’s a d**khead move. I’d say your anger was justified.

figferret −  NTA Be civil my ass. It him who isn’t civil. Don’t be afraid to ignore toxic people in your life.

OneTwoWee000 −  NTA This is a hill to die on issue. You’ve been together longer than your 2 of your siblings relationships, likely longer than the engaged couple but he excludes you from having a plus one? That’s insulting. Text your dad, “You gave plus ones to my brothers who have been with their girlfriends for less than a year.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and it’s insulting not include him. This is why I’m not going. You want me to celebrate your relationship while disrespecting mine. It’s hypocritical and doesn’t sit right with me.”

SouthernGent19 −  You are NTA. Fck him. Who cares who you bring? At least you can keep a relationship for 3 years. Is he jealous? Trust me, his new in laws are going to be focused on the fact that this is his 4th/5th marriage and that your father has multiple sons all with different mothers. Tell him you only want to attend his 5th year Anniversary parties. Should cut down on the wedding spam.

[Reddit User] −  ESH. Your Dad for excluding your boyfriend but also you because your defence also hurt his fiancée who, by all accounts, seemed kind and accepting of your boyfriend.