AITA for telling my father and his girlfriend that the gift she got me was creepy and invasive?

A Reddit user, who is expecting her first child, shared a story about her father’s girlfriend (Lena) gifting her a videographer’s business card to film the birth. Despite repeatedly expressing her discomfort with the idea of being filmed during such a personal and vulnerable moment, the user politely refused.

However, Lena and her father became offended, with her father expressing disappointment. The user is questioning whether she was wrong for refusing the gift and expressing her feelings. Read the original story below to see the full details of this family conflict.

‘ AITA for telling my father and his girlfriend that the gift she got me was creepy and invasive?’

I’m expecting my first child, due in February. This is the first grandchild on both sides, so everyone is very excited about it. My father’s girlfriend “Lena” (fake name) and I have an okay relationship, but we’re very different people. I don’t like most of the things she likes and vice versa. There’s no bad blood between us, but she can be a bit pushy sometimes, so we’re not exactly close.

One of the biggest differences between me and Lena is our stance on influencer culture: she loves it, I don’t. Since I got pregnant, she’s been sending me posts on Instagram of random influencers talking about their experiences with childbirth, motherhood, etc. 

A few months ago, one of her favorite influencers gave birth and filmed the whole thing. She posted a cutesy, poorly edited video of the baby being born and her entire family watching from outside the delivery room, with country music playing in the background. Lena sent me that video, and I remember telling her I’d never do something like that.

My husband and I celebrated Christmas at my cousin’s place with the rest of my family. When it was time for us to exchange and open our gifts, Lena gave me an envelope.  Inside was a videographer’s business card. She told me she was hiring him to film my birth. I seriously cannot imagine being filmed while going through a medical procedure, and I don’t want anyone besides my husband at the hospital with me. I’ve been clear about that since I announced my pregnancy.

I didn’t want to embarrass Lena, so I thanked her when she gave me the card. Yesterday, my husband and I had lunch with her and my father, and I told her that while I appreciated the gesture, I didn’t feel comfortable with a videographer. I said she didn’t have to get me anything else for Christmas, but I’d appreciate it if she didn’t hire him.

Both she and my father got offended, and we ended up having an argument. At one point, Lena started crying and said she couldn’t understand why I’d pass up on the opportunity of creating such a “beautiful memento” of my child’s birth. I replied that I found the idea of having someone film me during such a vulnerable moment to be creepy and invasive, and that this wasn’t the first time I expressed I was uncomfortable with it

My father said that it was rude of me to say that and refuse the gift, and he’s “very disappointed” in me. My husband agrees with me, as does pretty much my whole family. I don’t really think I did anything wrong, but my father’s reaction is freaking me out.. AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

uhuhsuuuure −  NTA Do NOT tell them when you are in labor and tell the hospital that both of then aren’t allowed in the delivery room. I can see Lena whipping out her phone and if your dad don’t got your back during a moment that is purely YOURS and your husband’s, then he can wait outside too!

peachpetalprincess −  NTA. Birth is a deeply personal experience, and you’ve been clear about your boundaries. Lena’s gift ignored that and it’s not rude to say no to something invasive. Your comfort and privacy come first, not her feelings.

VegetableBusiness897 −  Tell Lena to hire him to film her next pap smear as a ‘beautiful momento’ of her reproductive health and post that on her socials…
Im getting much younger second wife vibes here….

Lucky-Effective-1564 −  NTA “Dad. Why does your girlfriend want pictures of me at my most vulnerable – showing my tits and fanny to the world?”

[Reddit User] −  NTA, giving birth is very private and her opinion doesn’t matter at all.  It is also very creepy. Like would she and your father want to see the video? Just go LC with them for a while. And be careful, she might post pictures and videos of your child to social media without your consent.

Hopeful-Artichoke449 −  B**ch absolutely planned on using you to kickstart her “influencer” career. F**k that noise.

celticmusebooks −  As my “u**outh” BFF is fond of saying–“He’s just trying to keep his parking pass to the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile Parking Garage.” YES it’s an invasive and super creepy gift. NTA.

WomanInQuestion −  NTA – “Sorry guys, but I don’t want a recording of my vagina being torn open for the family to see. Would you have wanted to see your mom like that?”

busyshrew −  What the holy hell. 100% you are NTA OP. And, as a matter of fact, you handled the entire situation very properly – you thanked Lena in public but gently refused the gift in private. This is the way. Your father is wrong and he is acting c\*nt-struck in the bargain. Ignore him and now you know; he doesn’t have enough grasp of social norms to understand that this ‘gift’ is pushy, overbearing and dictatorial. It’s a shame that he’s picking his bed warmer over his daughter & future grandchild, but I’ve seen this before.

Stay strong OP. If you hold firm on this very reasonable boundary, hopefully this will nip a lot of Lena’s nonesense in the bud. It’s pretty clear that she’s infatuated with what she sees online and will try to jam you into that mold, whether you want to or not. And your Dad is backing her up and willing to trample over your emotions and boundaries to keep her happy.

So sorry you are dealing with this OP. Ignore ignore ignore, please focus on yourself, husband and the new baby. And CONGRATULATIONS!! May your pregnancy be healthy, your labour be short and your delivery be easy.

CapitalEfficient4562 −  NTA – You are completely within your rights to refuse this “gift.” Childbirth is an intensely personal and often vulnerable experience. Lena massively overstepped by assuming she could hire someone to film such a private event without your consent. It’s okay to set boundaries, even if it upsets people. Your father is wrong to prioritize Lena’s feelings over your comfort and autonomy. You’re not obligated to accept a gift that violates your privacy.