AITA for telling my family no more to monthly family dinners?
Family traditions can be a source of comfort, unity, and even pride—but when they start to feel like an obligation that undermines personal relationships, tensions can quickly rise. In this case, our OP, a 27‑year‑old woman, recounts her decision to put an end to the monthly family dinners that have been a long-standing tradition in her family. Although these dinners began during her childhood as a way to bring everyone together, they eventually evolved into a burdensome event,
especially after her wife joined the family. Despite her wife’s best efforts, the extended family’s harsh criticism of her cooking and constant nitpicking made these dinners a source of stress rather than joy. Faced with ongoing disrespect toward her partner—and ultimately her wife—OP decided to cancel her participation in the dinners, insisting that her wife deserves to be prioritized. Now, her family is calling her selfish, and she’s left wondering if her decision was too drastic.
In our analysis, we delve into the reasons behind OP’s choice, the dynamics between her and her family, and whether her decision to cut ties with this tradition is justified. Is she wrong for ending a cherished family ritual, or is it time to prioritize a loving partner over outdated expectations?
‘AITA for telling my family no more to monthly family dinners?’
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on family dynamics, notes, “Family traditions can become toxic when they stop serving their original purpose of uniting loved ones and instead become a platform for criticism and control. In situations where one partner is consistently undermined or disrespected, it is completely valid to establish new boundaries. Your personal well-being—and that of your partner—should always be prioritized over outdated expectations.” (kidshealth.org)
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds, “In any relationship, especially within extended families, communication and mutual respect are essential. If a tradition is causing emotional distress and conflict, it might be necessary to either renegotiate its terms or, as in this case, opt out entirely. OP’s decision to stop attending the monthly dinners is less about rejecting family and more about protecting her immediate family’s harmony.
The feelings of exclusion and disrespect directed toward her wife are significant and warrant a strong response. It’s important, however, to communicate these boundaries calmly and constructively to prevent long-term rifts, though I understand that sometimes emotions can make that very challenging.”(kidshealth.org)
Both experts emphasize that while maintaining family traditions is important, they should never come at the cost of emotional well-being. Setting boundaries—especially when past behavior has been hurtful—can be a necessary step toward healthier relationships.
Check out how the community responded:
Many redditors support OP’s decision, stating that if a family tradition consistently brings pain rather than joy, it’s perfectly acceptable to walk away. “Your wife’s feelings matter, and if the dinners cause her distress, then you’re making the right call,” one commenter noted.
Ultimately, OP’s decision to cancel her participation in the monthly family dinners appears to be rooted in a desire to shield her wife—and by extension, her immediate family—from ongoing disrespect and criticism. While extended family traditions can be meaningful, they should never undermine the well-being of those closest to you.
In this case, the longstanding negativity directed at OP’s wife has created a situation where continuing the tradition feels more like a punishment than a celebration. Do you believe that family traditions should be abandoned when they become toxic, or is there a way to salvage them while protecting personal boundaries? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do in a similar situation?