AITA for telling my family I will move and they will never see me or my daughter again if they don’t stop trying to set me up?

A Reddit user shares a story about his struggles with grief after the sudden loss of his wife five years ago. His parents and sisters have been pressuring him for the past four years to move on and begin dating again, despite his inability to do so.

He describes his grief as “phantom pain,” missing the small moments he once shared with his wife. The tension escalated when his mother encouraged his young daughter to ask for a new mommy for her birthday.

In response, the user sternly warned his family that if they ever tried to introduce a new woman into his life, he would move away with his daughter and they would never see them again.

This led to angry reactions from his sisters and father, who believe they were just trying to help, and now they accuse him of being an “asshole” for his reaction.

‘ AITA for telling my family I will move and they will never see me or my daughter again if they don’t stop trying to set me up?’

My wife passed away suddenly after giving birth to our daughter five years ago. My parents and sisters have spent the last four years telling me to move on.. I cannot. You know how amputees get phantom pain in their missing limbs.

It’s like that. Except it’s everything that’s missing. I took my daughter to a street performers festival in my city and my heart ached because I went to buy some kettle corn. I hate kettle corn. My wife loved it.

I was buying something I hate for someone who isn’t there. My mother did the cruelest thing I can imagine. She told my daughter that she should ask for a new mommy for her birthday. I wasn’t polite in dealing with that.

I told her that if her or my sisters ever tried to bring a woman into my life I would leave the city with my daughter and they would never see us again.

Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them. They say that they are only trying to help and that I’m an a**hole for not accepting the inevitable.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

trappergraves −  NTA. Excuse me, “the inevitable”? So you’re just supposed to “get over it” and be fine? Grief doesn’t work that way. My darling’s been dead for 5 years and it’s every bit as awful as it was.

What your family is doing is simply awful. I had friends do that, and I blocked every single one. Your grief is your own, and there’s no timetable. I’m so sorry you lost your love. Please take care.

DreamingofRlyeh −  NTA
The fact that they tried to use your daughter to manipulate you is awful.

WikkidWitchly −  NTA. “It’s not a threat. It’s a promise. If you f**k around with my family dynamic between me and my daughter, you’ll find out just how serious I am. I am perfectly comfortable cutting off t**ic relationships that hinder my mental health and might mess with my daughter’s emotional state.

Trust me on this. I am not ready to move on. I might never be. And if you can’t respect that, then I don’t trust you to respect anything about MY family unit and maybe moving away would be best for us.

Because frankly, I seem to be the only one actually considering our mental health and not just ‘how it should be/how it should look’. If you cared a crap about me and my daughter, you’d listen to me. Not try to ‘fix’ something I don’t want you to touch.”

useful-tutu −  Oh HELL no. Ask for a new mommy for her birthday!? Nope. I’m surprised you haven’t already gone no contact after that comment. That’s just horrid. NTA… and I’m sorry for the loss of your wife.

featherzz20 −  NTA your family is the a**hole here. They might think they’re trying to do a good thing, but they’re hurting both you and your daughter in the process.

You need to try to sit down with them and calmly tell them that bringing up another woman or anything of that nature is crossing a very serious line.

Be totally firm and express to them the pain they’re constantly causing you. Make it clear that if they do it again and in any way pressure your daughter to ask for something like a new mommy, then you will cut ties with them.

It is non-negotiable. If you ever decide to give another woman a chance in your life, then it’s going to be because YOU want to and not to please your family or anyone else for that matter.

Take all the time you need to not find a new wife, but to find your happiness and peace. I wish nothing, but the best for both you and your daughter.

babymargaret −  NTA, my god – how cruel to get your daughter involved. So much love to you.

elsie78 −  NTA. They need to respect your boundaries. If they can’t, they’ll have only themselves to blame when you go low/no contact. It doesn’t matter if “they mean well”or “just want you to be happy” because shocker – it’s not up to them!

Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Some people will date soon after losing their spouse, and some never do. None of them are wrong, and neither are you. I’m really sorry for your loss and all you and your daughter have gone through

FalconJaeger −  NTA
besindes assholes, your family are fools, they prevent you from moving on.

Aggressive-Mind-2085 −  NTA. SOunds like a reasonable way to handle these overbearing AHs.. ​ “Now all three of my sisters and my father have called me to yell at me for threatening my mother and them.

They say that they are only trying to help and that I’m an a**hole for not accepting the inevitable.” .. So **IT IS time to move away.**

HazyLazySummer −  NTA. You need to have a serious talk with them and put up some firm boundaries with consequences when broken. Using your daughter to manipulate you needs to be stomped out right now.

Protect your daughter from these tactics. If they don’t listen at all and keep this up, do as you threatened and follow through. If not, they’ll know to keep pushing since they didn’t suffer any consequences.. So sorry for your loss.

Is the user justified in setting firm boundaries with his family, or should they be more understanding of his grief process? How would you navigate such a delicate situation with family pressure after a significant loss? Share your thoughts!