AITA for telling my family I want to celebrate my birthday and not Christmas?
A 16-year-old feels overlooked on her birthday, as her family consistently prioritizes Christmas celebrations over acknowledging her special day. Her mom even decorates the Christmas tree on her birthday and dismisses her objections. This year, her family spent her birthday weekend out of town,
and while promising to celebrate, they ignored her on the day itself. Her mom spent time with a friend, her sister focused on Christmas shopping for herself, and the teen was left crying in the car.
To top it off, her only birthday gift was a poster. She’s frustrated and wonders if it’s unreasonable to ask her family to prioritize her birthday over Christmas for once. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my family I want to celebrate my birthday and not Christmas ?’
I (F16) had my 16th birthday this week (November) and the whole time my family just talked about Christmas, now don’t get me wrong I like Christmas but ever since I could remember my mother and younger sister have always celebrated Christmas when it was my birthday.
My mother even goes as far to put up the tree on the day of my birthday and when I try to protest she just says I’m overreacting and that we can just decorate it for my birthday. Now I’ve accepted this fact but this week was different.
My family went out of town to visit family on my birthday weekend and told me that we would do something for my birthday but when the day came my mom was with her friend and her daughter the whole time,
my sister was only talking about Christmas and what she wanted and even shopping for herself while I sat in the car crying because I was being ignored. We got home and I found out that for my 16th birthday my parents got me a poster. So may I get an outsiders opinion?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Chilling_Storm − I am sorry your birthday was a let down. November and December and even January birthdays get screwed! Everyone wants to combine them. They don’t do that to August birthdays! Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do about it.
When you are an adult and have your own home/family you get to decide when and how you want to celebrate your day, until then, realize you are lumped in with the overhyped greed-fest that is known as Christmas.
andromache97 − when i clicked on this thread i assumed OP was gonna have a birthday in late December, not NOVEMBER. NTA, obviously, but also INFO because i’m wondering: is your family like this on every damn day in November or do they really make a point of it on your birthday? very strange and obnoxious either way.
bamf1701 − NTA. Your feeling are valid. It’s nice to have a day that is just about *you*. And, typically, when someone says you are overreacting, it means that you aren’t and they are just making an excuse to ignore your complaint.
You might want to get your family’s attention by telling them that the message you get is that they love Christmas more than they love you.
wlfwrtr − NTA Refuse to celebrate any of their birthdays or other special days in the future, no mother’s day or father’s day either. If they ask why tell them they taught you that these days have no meaning to them so theirs should have no meaning to you.
catsndogspls − NTA – but as someone with an actual Xmas birthday, let me tell you that it is much easier to make your own plans, do your own thing, and not expect everyone else to make you the center of the day.
I know, that’s frustrating to hear, especially at sixteen – everyone deserves to feel special on their birthday! But you can only control yourself, and you should plan accordingly.
Edit: my advice is geared toward a teenager, who doesn’t have quite as much autonomy regarding who they are spending birthdays with (yet!!). Please don’t accept this behavior from romantic partners or friends – there are people who will make your birthday special, but they take time to find and marry 😛
My_Dramatic_Persona − You could always make christmas about your birthday. Buy yourself some presents, wrap them in birthday paper, write cards wishing you a happy birthday, put them under the tree, and make a point of opening them on christmas day.
If they’re going to blatantly ignore you and your birthday when it happens, they’re earning some disruption of their christmas. I don’t actually recommend doing that. That kind of escalating retaliation usually doesn’t make anything better,
especially when your parents are being mean to you at a time when you depend on them. It wouldn’t make you the a**hole, though. That’s how NTA you are.
They are nowhere close to reasonable on this. I’d expect them to make more effort than this if your birthday were on christmas itself.
Lucky_Six_1530 − So I’m petty. I would straight out tell them, “this year on my birthday, or any birthday celebrations, I will ignore any Christmas conversations and anyone who chooses to discuss Christmas.” And then stick to it. . Edit: NTA
DGhostAunt − November 18 birthday here. In my 45 years this 11/18 I hav never had a Christmas birthday. Your parents and sister sound pretty self involved. Happy Birthday sweetheart!
Those people wouldn’t get another birthday gift from me ever. If they complained I’d tell them you were too busy celebrating flag day or something and didn’t have time to get a gift.
OddBoots − My brother and I have birthdays a day apart (he was born the day before I turned 4) and they’re right before Easter. My mother managed three separate celebrations every single year.
I have a lot of friends with late December/ early January birthdays and it’s not difficult to keep the focus on the birthday person if you want to do it. Or you could ignore their wishes and foster resentment in the heart of your child.. NTA and happy belated birthday.
TopSecret34Throwaway − NTA, but your parents and sister really s**k. And just for the record, it doesn’t have to be that way – my birthday is December 23rd (and in Germany we celebrate on Christmas Eve, the 24th, so my birthday is only one day before Christmas) and my family have always been very clear and firm about this being MY day.
No Christmas-y stuff allowed, other than Christmas biscuits on our plates. It’s absolutely possible to separate those two occasions and your family should be ashamed for going out of their way to ruin your birthday with their Christmas nonsense – especially since it’s only November!
Also your mom can literally put the Christmas tree up on dozens of other dates that are not your birthday, so she sounds pretty malicious. I am not sure how you can get them to listen to you but it certainly makes sense that you feel underappreciated.
Confront them about it directly (make some comparisons about how your sisters and your parents’ birthdays are being celebrated perhaps?). If nothing comes of it, start doing similar stuff on their birthdays – for example, if your sisters birthday is in March make a big fuss about Easter on the day,
like make a mess in the kitchen by painting eggs and talking about Easter etc. Maybe then they’ll get a clue. I wish you the best of luck and happy birthday!
Is she being unreasonable, or is her frustration valid? How should families balance overlapping celebrations? what do you think? share your thoughts below!