AITA for telling my DIL for fucks sake I have a life and I am not going to be cookie cutter grandma and I will call the police?
Family obligations can sometimes cause tension, especially when expectations clash. In this case, a working grandmother reached her limit when her daughter-in-law repeatedly dropped off her young grandchildren unannounced. Although a “grandma day” was agreed upon, the unscheduled visits disrupted her routine and made her feel taken for granted.
When her daughter-in-law again tried to leave the kids without notice, the grandmother snapped, “For fucks sake, I have my own life—I will call the police for abandonment.” Now, with her son caught in the middle, she stands firm on her boundaries despite the fallout.
‘AITA for telling my DIL for fucks sake I have a life and I am not going to be cookie cutter grandma and I will call the police?’
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “When family members repeatedly disregard agreed-upon boundaries, it becomes essential to enforce them—even if the language used is strong. Clear communication and consistency are key to maintaining healthy relationships.”
In this case, the OP’s actions reflect a necessary stand to protect her own time and well-being. For years, her daughter-in-law’s habit of unscheduled drop-offs has strained the relationship, especially as the OP’s own schedule is tightly managed due to work commitments.
Dr. Gottman further emphasizes that “families thrive when everyone respects the roles and boundaries that have been mutually agreed upon. When one party oversteps, it is reasonable to remind them of those limits.” Here, the OP had already established a compromise—having a designated “grandma day”—yet her daughter-in-law’s actions continued to disrupt her routine.
While her choice of words was blunt, it was a direct response to a recurring pattern that left her feeling exploited. Although some might view her statement as harsh, experts believe that sometimes, strong language is needed to reset expectations and reinforce the idea that personal time is valuable.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Many redditors supported the OP’s decision, arguing that if someone repeatedly ignores agreed-upon boundaries, a firm response is warranted. One user remarked, “If your time isn’t respected, you’re within your rights to draw a line in the sand.” Another commenter noted that while the language might have been colorful, it served as a necessary wake-up call.
Some sympathized with the daughter-in-law’s disappointment but agreed that she should have respected the established schedule. Overall, the consensus seems to be that maintaining personal boundaries is critical—even if it sometimes leads to heated exchanges.
Ultimately, the OP’s decision to firmly state her limits isn’t about being unloving or neglectful; it’s about preserving her own well-being and ensuring that her time is respected. While the fallout has caused family tension, it also highlights the need for clear, mutual understanding of boundaries in any relationship.
What would you do if a family member repeatedly ignored your time and personal space? Have you ever had to set tough boundaries with loved ones, and how did you handle the aftermath? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss how to balance family support with maintaining our own independence.