AITA for telling my “depressed” brother he only has himself to blame for our parents not wanting to talk to him?

A Redditor grapples with family dynamics after their younger brother, Matt, faces the fallout from cheating on his fiancée, Emma. Since the breakup, their parents have cut off communication, leaving Matt feeling isolated and depressed. When he reaches out seeking reconciliation, the Redditor expresses frustration, pointing out that Matt is responsible for the rift due to his actions. Read the original story below to see how family loyalty and personal responsibility collide in this emotional situation.

‘ AITA for telling my “depressed” brother he only has himself to blame for our parents not wanting to talk to him?’

My (M34) younger brother, Matt (M31), was engaged to this woman, Emma (F30), for the past year. Everyone in our family, my sister parents and myself, thought they were a perfect match. Emma was very polite, well educated, had a great family whom we had met a few times, and was head over heels for Matt.

Fast forward to three months ago, and Emma finds out Matt cheated on her with this other woman, Cindy (F25). Needless to say, the marriage has been called off, and everyone has been beyond angry with Matt. Our parents haven’t spoken to Matt since the fallout of what’s happened, and even I have only spoken to him twice (each call lasting less than 5 minutes) since then.

Our sister has also not spoken with him either. This morning, I received a call from Matt saying that he wanted to reconcile with the family. He mentioned how upset and depressed he’s been since making “the worst mistake of his life” and how much he regrets his actions. I was listening up until this point, but got annoyed when he started mentioning how also Cindy wants to meet our parents and the rest of us.

He told me that he left our parents a voicemail a few days ago, but they haven’t responded, and that he feels isolated from our family. I point blank told him that he only had himself to blame for this and that he clearly didn’t think what he did was a mistake since he was still with Cindy. He said he just wanted us to give them a chance, but I told him I had to go to work and left the call while he was finishing a sentence as I was very frustrated with him.. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  Kinda hard for it to be the worst mistake of his life when he is currently dating part of the mistake. NTA

painted_unicorn −  NTA mostly because he can’t say he made the worst mistake of his life and regrets it only to double down on the mistake. It’s disingenuous, like buddy, you can’t be serious. He’s saying that to sound good but it’s f**e.

EDIT: no, actually, it wasn’t a mistake, it was a conscious choice that he made. And in regards to it not being OP or parents’ “jobs” to punish him: he doesn’t get to skip off with his new gf and everyone has to put up with it and play nice with someone they’re mad at. He screwed up, knew he was doing it, and now there are consequences.

Traveling-Techie −  To remain honorable all he had to do was break it off with Emma before pursuing Cindy. Many people face this type of challenge and do the right thing. Not him. NTA

Icy-Stick6175 −  I guess you can’t help how you feel, what your brother did was vile and s**fish, tho I’m kinda shocked none of his 4 immediate family love him enough to try to salvage the 31 year relationship ship with him. None of them enjoy his company and care about his well-being enough to keep contact.

Your whole family’s reaction is very offputting. The only way I can rationalize it is that you guys didn’t have a particularly strong bond with him before and liked Emma and who he was when he was with Emma way more. I would get this reaction if this all happened a couple weeks ago but it’s odd to write him off forever.

GoldenGoof19 −  So… I’m probably going to be downvoted here but YTA and so are your parents. Matt made his bed when it comes to Emma, and their relationship ending is the result of that. And yeah, you’re valid to be angry with him over that. But it’s been THREE MONTHS and you’re still cutting him off? Your own relative? You’re choosing his ex’s side over your own brother?

Yes, he 100% sucks for what he did. And yes, you’re 100% valid for being angry with him. But what he did is ultimately between him and Emma. And if he is actually depressed because of this, what happens if he ends his life and you and your parents didn’t help him when he reached out to you?

Reddit is gonna downvote me all to hell for this because they view cheaters as very black and white. So I’m going to reiterate – cheating is NEVER ok, it’s never something that should be excused *within the relationship.* But you and your parents were NOT within his relationship with Emma.

And the fact that you are all cutting him off like this tells me you have a huge issue with boundaries, and you and your family were too involved in his previous relationship. I have never cheated, nor will I ever cheat. I’ve been cheated on and it sucks.

But I never once expected my ex’s family to choose my side over their own child/brother. Never. That’s so weird to me. You do you. But he didn’t cheat on you or your parents. And you acting like he did is so weird.

Disastrous_Cress_701 −  You’re focusing on how much of a “perfect match” they were, but clearly not because he cheated.. ESH I think but only mildly. He’s an AH for cheating rather than just breaking up with her.

But I wonder if y’all missed the signs of his not being happy with his ex because in your entire family’s eyes they were a “perfect couple” and just ignored the red flags in their relationship and he cheated to put the relationship in the ground. You guys are AH for not speaking with him In a calm manner to find out why, over 6 months later.

Even if you don’t want to meet Cindy ever, he’s your brother and unless he’s done a whole series of other s**tty things in his life and the cheating was the straw that broke the camels back, imo going no contact because you really liked his ex is insane to me.

wiredhedgehog −  NTA. If I found out my sibling wasn’t who I thought they were, that they were capable of cruelty to others, of lying and cheating, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them either. Family isn’t a right, it’s an agreement of mutual respect. If you can’t respect your brother with the choices he’s made, it isn’t wrong to not want to have him in your life.. His consequences, your choice.

GreenEyedMojo −  YTA. Everyone here acting like cheating is the worst thing in the world…. He’s your family, he made a huge mistake, but you are all AH for acting like he did something to you that deserves being cut off. No one has any idea what happens inside a relationship… so what, are you guys going to give him an ultimatum that as long as he is with the new girl you’ll have nothing to do with him?. Get over yourselves

Special_Respond7372 −  NTA. I understand that your brother is depressed and sad. It must be hard on him to have lost his fiancé and his family all at once – even though it was due to his behavior, it’s still difficult. It’s also possibly why he’s with Cindy; she’s the only one who was left. None of that matters, though. He doesn’t get to decide when he is forgiven, you and your family get to. What you said was harsh, but true. Until you want to reconcile, he has to wait.

Kaiyukia −  You don’t often get comment sections so split, it’s Intresting.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in telling their brother he’s to blame for the family’s estrangement, or should they have approached the situation with more empathy? How would you navigate a family member’s mistakes while trying to maintain healthy relationships? Share your thoughts below!