AITA for telling my daughter’s teacher that she is being unreasonable?
A Redditor shares their frustration with their daughter’s math teacher after the teacher failed to recognize the hard work their daughter puts in, despite consistently scoring well.
The teacher explained that she reserves her rewards for students who show improvement rather than those who are already performing well. This led to the user losing their temper and criticizing the teacher. Was the Redditor justified in standing up for their daughter, or did they cross the line? Read the full story below and weigh in.
‘AITA for telling my daughter’s teacher that she is being unreasonable?’
Hi Reddit. I really lost my cool yesterday and I’m feeling really bad about it, so I thought I’d ask some internet strangers for clarity.
My 11-year-old daughter is in 6th grade this year, and she’s been working really hard in math.
She has gotten over 80% in every class test so far, through sheer determination and hard work. She never used to be particularly good at school and exams; she’s of course an amazing kid in a million ways, but really struggled with math and other subjects as well.
Her math teacher has a pinboard where she posts the names of two kids that have “worked the hardest” that week. She gives those kids a small reward, like a chocolate bar. I thought this was a good idea, because it motivates the kids who struggle with math.
My daughter was crying a few weeks ago about how she’s never been picked as the week’s hard worker. I asked her how the teacher picks, and she said she doesn’t really know, but it’s usually kids who don’t do as well on tests.
If they show a little improvement, they go on the board. This seemed really unfair to the kids who work hard and score well, like my daughter. Yesterday we had the first parent-teacher meeting of the year, and I brought this up to the math teacher.
She basically said my daughter does well because she is naturally “talented,” so she only wants to give the hard worker reward to kids who are actually working for every mark. I got very upset and told her that she didn’t understand how much my daughter studies, even though she’s only in 6th grade. I said it’s unfair to obviously favor kids who don’t get good grades.
I feel guilty for making a scene, and I’m wondering: Is the teacher right here? I might be biased because I’m not a teacher, and my daughter is involved. AITA?
Edit: The school year is almost over where I live. Almost all the kids have been recognized multiple times, except for a few who consistently score well. And my daughter failed her standardized math test in 5th grade and went through a full summer of math classes to pass and enter 6th grade. So yes, she has struggled.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Dannah_Montanah − YTA. You’re right, the teacher doesn’t know how hard your daughter works. It’s completely reasonable to be frustrated by this, and by the weird system of arbitrary reward that is borderline shaming. But you’re also a grown-up, and nobody is in actual danger. Don’t yell at or insult anyone, especially teachers who already have a hard job and are under difficult conditions.
wytewydow − YTA, that escalated too quickly. Your daughter isn’t getting special attention because she’s a normal student. Most kids get no special treatment in school, and unfortunately, there are a lot of kids who desperately need the help. You owe that teacher a sincere apology.
newfriend836639 − YTA. Instead of making a scene, recognize your daughter’s hard work at home and teach her that not everyone will always notice her efforts. It’s important for her to be proud of herself without seeking validation from others.
ichheissekate − YTA. Screaming at a teacher over a student recognition system won’t help. You acted inappropriately. Teachers have a hard enough time without having to deal with that kind of behavior from parents.
mossydial − This kind of reaction is why teachers are leaving the profession. Is this how you respond to challenges at work?
SlideItIn100 − YTA. Learn to manage your emotions better and treat people with respect.
Chickencaca − YTA. If it bothers you that much, you could simply reward your daughter yourself.
Particular-Try5584 − YTA for shouting at a teacher. Now your daughter has to deal with the awkwardness of going to class every day. Teachers are human too, and you can address concerns respectfully.
SneakySneakySquirrel − If your daughter wins the recognition next week, will you feel like she earned it, or that it was due to the fuss you made? Patience is important. YTA.
okIhaveANopinionHERE − YTA. Don’t expect special treatment for your child. Teach her to be proud of her efforts, regardless of recognition from others.
Do you think the Redditor was right to defend their daughter’s hard work, or did they overreact by criticizing the teacher? How should educators balance recognizing students who improve versus those who consistently excel? Share your thoughts in the comments below!