AITA for telling my daughter we’ll keep her sister at home next time?

A father faces a dilemma after his ten-year-old daughter, Blair, expresses embarrassment over her younger sister, Chloe, who has severe developmental delays, attending her sports games. Chloe’s behavior during a previous game caused disruptions.

And Blair asked if Chloe could stay home next time. The father agreed, but his wife believes excluding Chloe sends the wrong message. Now, he wonders if he’s wrong for prioritizing Blair’s comfort. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my daughter we’ll keep her sister at home next time?’

I have two daughters – “Chloe” who is seven years old, and “Blair” who is ten years old. Chloe has severe developmental delays. Her cognitive function is comparable to an infant or young toddler, she is not mentally capable of “misbehaving” on purpose. Blair has recently started playing a sport.

We brought Chloe last time, and she was full on fiesty Chloe (screaming, hair pulling, biting, trying to take her clothes off…the list goes on) during the game. Blair adores Chloe, but she was a bit embarassed, she asked me if we could keep Chloe at home next time. I told her we would, and my wife got really angry.

She started ranting about how Chloe has every right to attend, and that “teaching Blair to be ashamed of her sister and hide her away is disgusting” and that we need to include her in these events like a typical sibling. AITA for telling my daughter we’ll keep her sister at home next time?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

74Magick −  No. Just no. How can you guys even watch the game dealing with a child in full on, red-alert meltdown mode? That’s not fair to your older daughter.. NTA

BDizzMcNizz −  NTA. Your wife wants to include Clair as though she’s a typical sibling, but she is not a typical sibling. You’re not hiding her away, you’re allowing Blair to have her own thing and have your full attention. My guess is that that rarely happens just due to the nature of youngest’s needs.

Your wife may mean well, but bringing Chloe when Blair asked you not to could lead to Blair resenting Chloe instead of loving her like she currently does. You should go with your instincts and ty to leave Chloe at home next time.

Agoraphobe961 −  NTA. Look up the term “glass child” and show it to your wife. Chloe’s medical issues have likely been the main focus of you and your wife’s attention. Let Blair have something like her sports where she is the one to dictate how much/little Chloe is involved. Let her have that safe space where she can be the star for a night.

ExcitementGlad2995 −  This type of activity isn‘t developmental appropriate for Chloe‘s level of development. At this point, she does not know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior at social events. A lot of the behavior you have listed are safety concerns especially the biting and hair pulling. I am not sure if you can have her out in public until she stops doing those things or you figure out how to redirect her to more appropriate behavior.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. Does your wife ever think about Blair’s rights? What Blair needs? Also, is the game the best place for Chloe? Of course she shouldn’t be hidden in an attic, but is a busy sports event where she can get o**rwhelmed and not have 💯 of the attention,

the best experience for her; or does it increase her agitation? And how much is she truly aware of? Don’t make the mistake of neglecting Blair’s needs for Chloe. Glass children rarely grow up to maintain contact with their parents & appreciate their siblings.

RevolutionaryCow7961 −  Wife is wrong. Blair has every right to attend her game without the distraction of Chloe carrying on in the stands. Is it even enjoyable for Chloe to be dragged to these games? What Safe_Perspective stated is correct.

Beneficial_Syrup_869 −  I read a post a few weeks ago from an adult version of Blair, broke my heart. They knew they couldn’t blame their sibling but they had to cut their family off at 18 cause they couldn’t live the rest of their life accommodating their Chloe. Their parents forced them to take care of the disabled sibling, they don’t hate their sibling but they hate their life.

DeliciousMud7291 −  NTA. # Tell your wife that this is how you get children to go no contact with their parents when they become of age.

rinle23 −  NTA. Balancing the needs of both your children is crucial, and in this situation, honoring Blair’s request to have games without disruptions is reasonable. It doesn’t imply shame but recognizes the practical need for her to focus and enjoy her sport.

It’s important to consider Chloe’s impact on these events and find other ways to ensure she isn’t excluded from family activities. A compromise where Chloe attends some but not all games could work well, respecting both your daughters’ needs.

BigBlueHood −  Sounds like your wife is so focused on Chloe that she doesn’t care about Blair’s feelings anymore. Even “typical” siblings don’t need to be brought to the places and a activities that are not developmentally appropriate for them, and Chloe isn’t and never will be a typical sibling.

Bringing her will ensure the opposite of what your wife wants – Blair will feel embarrassed, will envy “normal” families, will feel unimportant and unloved. Blair’s game – Blair’s rules, she chooses who to invite. Let her have a regular life without constant fear of embarrassement/things getting ruined out of the blue. You are NTA, your wife is very much in the wrong here.

Is the father right to prioritize Blair’s request, or should Chloe always be included despite potential disruptions? Balancing the needs of siblings can be tough—how would you handle this situation? Share your perspective in the comments!