AITA for telling my daughter to either learn to share, pay up, or move out ?
A Reddit user shares a conflict with her 22-year-old daughter, who is living at home after graduating. While the user and her husband support their daughter financially during this transition, they face issues regarding food.
The daughter is possessive over certain items she purchases, such as soda and sandwich meat, but does not mind consuming the family groceries. After an incident where her father used her tonic water, the user confronted her daughter and laid down three options: either buy all her own food, learn to share, or move out.
The daughter became upset and cried, feeling as though she was being thrown out for expressing her frustration. The user’s husband believes she is being too harsh, but the user feels that her daughter should either contribute or learn to appreciate their support.
‘ AITA for telling my daughter to either learn to share, pay up, or move out.’
My (f47) daughter (22) is still living at home since she graduated this spring. We are fine with it because she can save money up from her first real job. It is tough out there so we are trying to help her out as much as we can.
The conflict that has arisen is that she is very possessive of food and drinks that she buys for herself. Not like restaurant leftovers or anything. That’s obviously hers. But she will buy soda or cheese or sandwich meat. And she will get mad if anyone else eats or drinks it.
If she was buying all her own food I would understand but she isn’t. She still eats the food that my husband and I buy for the house. So she has no problem eating out food but God forbid we touch hers. The last straw was last night.
Her dad made himself a drink and used one of her tonic waters. She got upset that he drank her stuff. He apologized but I had enough. I gave her three options. Either she start buying all her own food which she can label and keep in the fridge, freezer, and pantry.
I will make sure neither her father and I or her brothers touch it. She can learn to share and appreciate the fact we are still feeding and housing her for free. Or she can move out. She started crying that I was throwing her out for being upset that someone stole her food.
I just told her that she had a week to decide. Her dad says I’m being rough on her and that she buys herself treats that are not stuff I buy all the time. And that may be so but I still see her eating the groceries the I buy for the house and not contributing.
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Mobile_Prune_3207 − NTA. She’s 22 years old and crying over water. She needs to learn to pick her battles.
WaywardPrincess1025 − NTA. Those are all very fair options
Harmonia_PASB − NTA. She can buy a mini fridge and keep it in her room, keep all her own food stuffs for herself. Barring a medical condition where she needs this food specifically for her, she’s acting like a spoilt child. If she wants to be treated like a housemate she can pay rent.
BigBlueHood − NTA. An adult living in their parents’ house for free, eating parents’ food and getting angry at her dad for using the water she bought? That’s beyond infantile. She should’ve offered to pay at least some small money the moment she got the job, instead she is acting like a primary school kid. Your options are fair, it’s time to grow up.
orpheusoxide − INFO: I really think context is important. Is she buying special food only she can eat and y’all are eating anyway? Aka vegan, gluten free, etc.? Because that’s been an AITA story a couple of times.
How much are you all eating food and drinks she gets for herself? Because it vaguely reminds me of an AITA where the poster was buying drinks she never got to drink and food she never got to eat. Breaking down and crying over a tonic water sounds like she’s had a household eating all her treat food.
DesertSong-LaLa − NTA – ‘Too rough on her?” — She either lacks significant awareness of your extensive kindness or she’s s**fish. Who complains when they have access to a free bounty of food and free housing?
yeOGOG − YTA – If everyone wants the stuff, she buys specifically for herself, why the hell is it not on the family grocery shopping list? Either you’re okay with the arrangement of her staying with you rent-free and not contributing to groceries, or you need to reevaluate this.
But don’t steal her stuff. Just because she lives in your house doesn’t mean she has no right to her own property. This is no different than you stealing other stuff from her like clothes or jewellery. You don’t get to play the saint for housing her for free, but then demand payment by stealing from her or taking away her right to own anything.
Then you need a more official agreement cause this backhanded payment you’re demanding is not fair to her. She buys food for herself to make sure it’s there, when she needs it, and you denamd to eat it out from under her?
What if you bought something for a special occasion, but when you need it, you find out someone has just taken it? Would you think that was totally okay? That you can never count on something being there, and you can only buy what you need, the moment before you need it? Otherwise some vulture will just swoop in and take it.
toujourspret − Yikes. If she’s spending her own money to buy special things you won’t buy for her, why is she wrong for being upset that others are taking it? I get being annoyed if she’s being ungrateful that you’re covering basics, but it seems fair to me that she can be annoyed if you’re unwilling to buy special stuff and others in your household are depending on her to buy them instead. Yeah, meaning towards YTA here.
pixie1947 − These options sound reasonable to me. NTA
j_natron − INFO: if her restaurant leftovers are “obviously hers,” why aren’t food and drinks that she specifically buys for herself from the grocery store?
Was the user justified in giving her daughter an ultimatum about sharing food and contributing to the household, or was she too harsh in her approach? How would you handle a similar situation with an adult child living at home? Share your thoughts!