AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?

A Reddit user, a mother, shares her concern about her teenage daughter’s life plans, where her daughter expresses wanting to be a Stay-At-Home Mom (SAHM) without any backup plan, education, or career ambitions. The mother is supportive of being a SAHM but wants her daughter to have financial independence in case things don’t go as planned.

The mother insists that her daughter must either pursue a job or gain some qualifications to support herself, but this caused a major rift, with the daughter accusing her of being unreasonable. To explore how the situation unfolded and how others feel, read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?’

I don’t have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids. It’s not like that. I get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.
What I have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to *only* become a SAHM.

As in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come. I told her that it doesn’t have to be college, that not everyone needs college. But that she needs to do *something* to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.

Her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband — she would move in with us and go from there. We would help them survive. I told her then, what happens if we die, or we’re incapacitated? She said “I don’t know, Mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen.”

I told her bluntly that I don’t want her becoming Nancy Botwin 2.0, that if something happens, she *needs* to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people. I emphasized that again, it *does not need to be college*.

She can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be. She can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things. But she says no, she’s going to plan to be a SAHM.

With that all in mind, I asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do? She said “Just try to find a husband. Maybe marry someone in the military.” I asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? Her rent? She said she assumed she would be living at home.

I told her no, and that she would be moving out. She could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification. But that if she insists on being a deadbeat l**er and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she’s on her own.

This didn’t go over well, and I am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge b**ch, etc. I don’t think I’m wrong at all. I want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness. If this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, I don’t want to have her come knocking at our door because she can’t afford to take care of herself.. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

thanudeastronomer −  NTA, her expectations for life are unrealistic. You’re doing your part as a parent and showing her that.. Her entitlement is astounding. Edit: thanks for the awards, Fellow Redditors!

acreativeaccountant −  NTA. In high school, I also wanted to be a SAHM. Unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me. I’m 33, single, and childless. Sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok. She really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a SAHM.

tuppence_a_bag98 −  NTA, she is being delusional. You are being perfectly reasonable.

AliceJust −  I’d strongly steer her toward culinary arts and the hospitality industry. Many of those skills transfer over to being a good sahm. Then, even if the husband and kids thing doesn’t happen right away, she’d have a means of support while improving the skills, at least.

I’m a stay- at home mom 5 days a week, I work the front desk at a local hotel on weekends. It’s the easiest job I’ve ever had. And it’s very similar to what I do at home. Vacuum and clean the lobby, get stuff ready for breakfast, and soothe tantrums of tired people. I barely needed any training lol.

[Reddit User] −  NTA I’ll admit I was ready to say you were the a**hole being a stay at home wife myself. There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can’t be her only option. That’s how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependant on your partner to survive.

I may not have a college degree but I do have experience in sales and tech support and if I needed out I could do it. Also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled. Sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.

inreallife12001 −  NTA at all. Your daughter’s path in life is totally unreasonable. I think the guidelines you have set up for her are totally reasonable. It almost sounds like she wants to be a freeloader more than a SAHM. She should have some experience, whether it’s college or a small job, to help set her up for success

Ermithecow −  NTA. She needs a back up plan because she’s setting herself up for financial abuse and so on. I’m assuming from what you’ve said she doesn’t currently have a boyfriend or fiance, so can I ask where she thinks she’s going to meet this future husband if she doesn’t work or do evening classes or any of the things you do to get out of the damn house and meet people?

Her plan is gross, imo, she doesn’t want a “happy marriage,” she wants someone to pay for all her stuff so she never has to be independent. The fact she activity wants to marry military shows how irrelevant the husband actually is in her plans – she is going for the option where her partner will be around the home least!

Plus, military guys are wise to this sort of thing – maybe tell her to look up the term “dependa” so she can see just how little respect women who marry military just to say they have/to get the benefits get from people (please note I don’t condone any of the stuff people say about so called “dependas” but that is sadly the reality of what she would be facing in her plan).

I don’t really think many men would find “yeah so I’m never going to work, we have to get married asap, and I’ll have a couple of kids in return for you making all the money” an attractive prospect on a first date – and any man who does should probably be avoided anyway as he won’t want a wife, he wants a slave.

Regardless of *any* of these things, your daughter needs skills. She needs to be able to provide for herself. She needs to see herself as an independent person, not just an extension of her parents and potential husband. You’re right – what if the husband dies, or cheats on her, or turns out to be an abusive person? What can she then fall back on to support her future children?

Suchsaladwoes −  NTA. Being a stay at home mom is fine but requires a kid first

purplecurtain16 −  INFO: How old is your kid? Are you arguing with someone who’s near graduating highschool or like a 13 year old who just wants to stay home and do nil all day?