AITA for telling my daughter she was being a b**t after she cried about blowing out her birthday candles?

A mother threw a surprise birthday party for her 23-year-old daughter, Zara, who had been going through a tough time. During the party, a 5-year-old niece blew out most of Zara’s candles, making everyone laugh. However, Zara got upset, cried, and walked away, which made the atmosphere awkward.

The mother later called Zara a “selfish brat” for reacting this way. Now, her other children say she was unfair, leaving the mother wondering if she handled the situation poorly.

‘ AITA for telling my daughter she was being a b**t after she cried about blowing out her birthday candles?’

I have 4 kids, 23, 20, 16 and 13. This concerns my oldest, I’ll refer to her as ‘Zara’ . We don’t normally do big parties in our family after double digits (and 18th/21st), but Zara has been going through a bit of a difficult time so we decided to throw her a surprise party. This was yesterday.

It was a big family party and Zara was enjoying it. Then the cake was brought out, I have a lot of young nieces and nephews so naturally they wanted to stand up with Zara, and she had no issue. When she went to blow out the candles, my 5 year old niece blew most of them out before her.

Everyone laughed it off, my youngest actually put 23 candles on the cake and there were still a few lit, so I told Zara to blow those out. She did, but she looked angry and started crying. She then walked off.

After that it got quite awkward and my sister (niece’s mom) got upset/embarrassed, that her daughter is a kid and didn’t mean to do it, and she didn’t think Zara would act like this. We all calmed her down that it’s not their fault.

I talked to Zara and told her she was being a s**fish b**t and making a scene, she’s 23 getting mad about birthday candles. She was still upset, and my other kids are telling me I wasn’t being fair with Zara.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

gloomgore_ −  “She didn’t think Zara would act like this” So she knew her daughter was going to blow out the candles.. YTA. edit :OP’s daughter is grieving the d**th of her friend. OP is a major AH in more ways than one. second edit: it was the daughters fiancé that purposed to OP’s daughter that passed. OP’s daughter would have said yes. poor dear I hope she is okay.

mountainsandmedicine −  YTA. You threw this party because you said Zara was going through a difficult time, it’s possible that blowing out her own candles is something meaningful for her. She can’t be called a b**t for wanting to do something intended for her to do.

HelicopterThink9958 −  It wasnt about the birthday candles, OP.. YTA

CrystalQueen3000 −  YTA. Your daughter has been having a tough time and this was her birthday, your bratty niece ruined a special moment for her. Maybe that birthday wish was important to her, maybe she felt like absolutely nothing goes right for her. A little empathy from you would’ve gone further than the s**tty judgmental attitude you decided to go with.

KitKat_05 −  YTA. You sound like an awful parent if your first reaction is to call your daughter a b**t. Something is cleanly going on for her to react like that! And you instantly call her a b**t? Really?

tattooedhepburn −  YTA. Even if she wasn’t going through a hard time, your niece should have not been allowed to do that. Children can learn at a young age that not everything is about them. Considering your daughter is the oldest, I wonder if she’s had this done to her her entire life.

Kittkatt598 −  I remember once when my depression and anxiety were really bad I had a full on meltdown crying and shaking and hyperventilating because…. I accidentally washed my toothpaste off of my toothbrush.

It wasn’t about the toothpaste, that was just what pushed me over the edge into a full blown panic attack. It’s not about the candles and YTA for minimizing her daughters feelings and calling her a s**fish b**t at her own damn birthday party.

RudeGirl85 −  INFO: what is the “bit of a difficult time” your daughter is going through? Generally, I would agree someone her age should be able to laugh it off and let it go, but it majorly depends on her current mental state. I don’t think we can give a fair judgement if we miss this info.

notlucyintheskye −  YTA. Yes, your niece is a child – but it’s generally a bad move to let kids blow out someone else’s birthday candles. You admit that Zara was going threw some s**t right now and not doing great emotionally/mentally –

This was just the straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back and the fact that your response was “S**k it up, you s**fish b**t, and get over it” was…..not great.

Should Zara’s feelings have been validated, or did she overreact? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!