AITA for telling my daughter in law and son that it is too late and I will not change the family vacation plans so they can come ?
A parent planned a family vacation, asking everyone for their availability early on. The son and daughter-in-law declined, saying the dates didn’t work. However, when they later learned the trip was to Europe, they suddenly wanted to join.
With everything already booked, the parent refused to alter the plans, explaining that adding two more people would require upgrades and extra expenses. Now, the son is angry, calling the parent unfair for not accommodating them. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my daughter in law and son that it is too late and I will not change the family vacation plans so they can come ?’
Every year I try to do a family vacation, around Easter I asked everyone for their availability. The best days for almost everyone was a winter vacation. My DIL and so told me that day wouldn’t work for her so they can’t go. I asked if the backup days would work and it was a no.
Usually the vacation is something that everyone can drive too, it was going to be the same until all the adults agreed the kids were old enough to leave the country. So now the trip is to Europe. Everyone has bought their tickets and I have booked where we are staying. Everything is getting finalized.
My son and DIL were not in the family vacation chat since they weren’t going on the vacation. They heard about the plans and want to be added in. She called me up asking about it and what they need to do. I asked her how she could get off work and she explained she just could.
I personally think she didn’t want to go on the trip until she learned it was to Europe and lied to me that she couldn’t come in the first place. I told her it is too late, things are booked and I am not willing to pay more then I already have ( I paid for all the lodging, we would need to upgrade to fit two more adults).
She asked if I was serious and that it is cruel to not include them on a family trip around Christmas. I told her it is what it is and its not my fault . My son is pissed. He told me that I can afford to add two more adult, that is true. I reiterated what I told his wife. He called me a j**k…. I want an outside opinion
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
FairyFlossFlowers − NTA. First of all, you planned everything already and if your DIL really changed everything just because the trip was to somewhere she wanted to go doesn’t sound good. Second, why can’t they pay the extra if they want to come? Aren’t they adults already?
AngeloPappas − INFO – I am curious as to why the destination for the trip was not also decided when the dates were though. I wouldn’t really want to commit to an unknown vacation until I had a few details either.
Also, if they said when the date was picked that they were coming would the lodging not have still been more with the 2 extra people? Why were you ok with the extra cost then, but not now? Is it just spite?
catskilkid − NTA. It’s rather clear DIL didn’t want to drive but loves the idea of a European trip (that you pay for). It was solely her actions that resulted in this situation. If you want, tell them how much extra it’s going to cost and let them pick that up. If you don’t want to, that’s fine as well win that you made the offer, they declined and you made plans. NTA
LadyAmemyst − INFO from everyone I guess. LOL. I’m really conflicted. I’m like totally on the side of ‘she didn’t wanna go until it was somewhere cool.”100%. But, I can’t wrap my head around the idea of totally icing them out of the massive change in plans from somewhere ‘driveable’ to Europe without mentioning it.
Starting a group chat without them in it. It feels spiteful, perhaps deservedly so, as I doubt we know the whole dynamic.. Am I nuts?
Practical-Bird633 − NTA. You gave then multiple dates and they said they couldn’t come. I would send them the itinerary and tell them if they can make it great but you’re not adjusting your bookings.
SoImaRedditUserNow − welll…. here’s the thing… I don’t get why you fail to see that a free vacation to Europe is better than a free driving trip stateside. I mean… from personal experience, the “family vacation” is a dubious affair at best.
So yeah, I can see where the same old same old drive 15 hours to Gulf Shores or Branson or something, based on events of previous christmases aren’t something that DIL and Son aren’t making time for. But then you make secret plans to Europe… c’mon… You must see that there is a difference.
Honestly it feels like there is a lot of context left out and I would love DIL and Son’s perspective. I’d love to hear about the past “normal” vacations. YTA. Mainly for keeping this a secret. It honestly feels like you hoped this sort of thing would happen so you could throw this in their face. That you can’t see the difference is pretty disingenuous
Consistent-Pickle-88 − YTA for how you presented this in the first place. A local drivable family vacation that is done every year is very different from a new international family European vacation. Son and DIL shouldn’t have to agree on a vacation before knowing all the details.
You should have presented this to them from the very beginning as an international European family vacation. It sounds like you’re being vindictive to your son and DIL.
Honest-Sector-4558 − INFO: Why did you ask everyone when they could go, and then pick a date that worked for everyone but your DIL and Son? Why not just move the day at the start of the planning process to a day that would have worked for them? Also, would you have paid the additional cost for two people if they had been going since the planning began? If so, why are you so against paying now?
Should the parent stick to the original plans, or make adjustments to include them? What’s your take? Share your thoughts below!
